Immpressive

[Guest guest]

But you are not a jet eye yet. (However that is spelled) It is so

good to me to read the posts here at this group. I see the work at

work.

I have spent time at home and with others writing about an

underlying belief that I should be punished. I understand as far as

I know the orgin of this belief comes from my childhood. This work

simplifies my thoughts for me, I wrote. I should be punished.

Is it true, No, the only punishment has been me in my thoughts. I

just wanted pease from my thoughts.

How do I react when I think I should be punished? Crazy, confussed,

worried. What should happen to me?

How do I treat others? I blame, shame, munipulate. HOw do I treat

myself? I see me as bad, unworthy of love. A victum.

Can I see a reason to drop the thought, and please don't try to drop

it? I can see a reason.

What do I get when I hold the belief? Power. (what an illusion)

Close your eyes and imagine yourself with out the thought that you

should be punished.

That feels peasefull. There is nothing to do.

TA> I don't need to be punished.

TA< I deserve to go unpunished.

TA> Others deserved to go unpunished

sigh.

B

[Guest guest]

Hi, B.

> But you are not a jet eye yet. (However that is spelled)

Jedi, I think.

> It is so

> good to me to read the posts here at this group. I see the work at

> work.

I'm glad you're here and finding the group worthwhile for you.

> I have spent time at home and with others writing about an

> underlying belief that I should be punished. I understand as far as

> I know the orgin of this belief comes from my childhood. This work

> simplifies my thoughts for me, I wrote. I should be punished.

When I have believed that I deserved punishment, it was because of

something I had done or thought or felt. " I deserve to be punished

because I disobeyed my mother. " " I deserve to be punished because I

told a lie. " Does your thinking that you deserve punishment relate to

specific behaviors or thoughts or feeling? Would it serve you to do

The Work on your thinking or judgements around that?

> Is it true, No, the only punishment has been me in my thoughts. I

> just wanted pease from my thoughts.

> How do I react when I think I should be punished? Crazy, confussed,

> worried. What should happen to me?

> How do I treat others? I blame, shame, munipulate. HOw do I treat

> myself? I see me as bad, unworthy of love. A victum.

> Can I see a reason to drop the thought, and please don't try to drop

> it? I can see a reason.

Do you see a peaceful reason to keep the thought?

> What do I get when I hold the belief? Power. (what an illusion)

> Close your eyes and imagine yourself with out the thought that you

> should be punished.

> That feels peasefull. There is nothing to do.

> TA> I don't need to be punished.

> TA< I deserve to go unpunished.

> TA> Others deserved to go unpunished

> sigh.

Thank you for sharing your work with us, B.

love,

Tom

[Guest guest]

On Mon, Jan 05, 2004 at 06:08:54PM -0800, Bethanie Small wrote:

> Yes, they do match behaviors. I keep doing the work, sometimes I

> think I attach to my story even more intently even while writing my

> thoughts. Oh well. I am doing the best I can today.

Hi, B. I was listening to a tape last night in which does the

work with a woman who tried to do alternative healing in a

conventional hospital and got kicked out (she was in training as a

nurse at the time). Frequently, as asked the questions, this

lady would jump back into her story. It just went on and on! (Do you

remember the movie Never-Ending Story?

Anyway, I find that jumping into my story with both feet and wallowing

around in it seems to be the most effective and juicy way for me to do

the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet. When I do that, I find lots of

petty, painful beliefs and working with them provides a real shift.

Also, in answering " How do I react when I believe that thought, " often

I have to really believe it again, if only for a moment, to see what

my reaction is and how it feels.

There's nothing wrong with attaching to thinking while doing The Work.

It's neat that you can see that you do that. That means you can step

back and see through those attachments, too.

Yes, I believe that you're doing your best. My belief is that we all

are, in each moment. Hang in there.

love,

Tom

[Guest guest]

Thanks Tom, what you wrote was helpful. I find that it is true if I

really want to know the truth I have to let myself get real honest

about how petty I feel. I find I can do that more and more often

after a couple of months of working on the worksheet.

Today a co worker's tone of voice hit me in my thoughts as

saying, " he doesn't like you " . At first I wasn't going to write

about it because I talked to myself in my mind and told myself I

wasn't being very mature and to just let it go. But then my thoughts

reminded me that this kind of thinking is why I wanted to do the

work. So I wrote it out. I judged my co worker. Later when I talked

to him again I couldn't think the thought that he didn't like me. I

just paid attention to him talking, and it was all good.

*****A while ago I mentioned that I do not do The Work formally.

This would be a good example for me to share how it happens here (and

I'm not advocating anyone else follow this; I have no idea how I

arrived at such a Space as this, although it is wonderful!).

Bethanie, I've had thoughts like your " he doesn't like you. " I

experience all KINDS of crazy, irrational thoughts from time to time

(usually several times a day!). It is as if an evil genie is feeding

them into my cerebellum! So what happens here in the presence of

such a thought as " he doesn't like you. "

Well...it is treated, quite automoatically, as any thought is: it is

seen to be just that, a thought, nothing more. It is not accepted as

a statement about him and his likes/dislikes, nor is it believed to

be a statement about me (e.g., " I'm not being mature by having this

thought " ; there is NO judgment surrounding the arising of any

thought...I guess that is because there is a firmly held sense that I

didn't create them in the first place, so who/what is to be judged

for their appearance in Andy's consciousness!).

The thought " he doesn't like you " is just a thought, like, " The sky

is cloudy today. " When it is seen, deep down, as just that ~ nothing

more, when no story is attached to it (including the story that

I " shouldn't " have such a thought!), the thought loses its emotive

power to control. And in that defusing, the entire issue becomes

transparent, and in the wake of such seeing, any concern which might

have been arising, any upset which might have been incipient,

vanishes. Stillborn. Not brought to term.

This is how doing some variant of The Work happens here. It is kind

of like being on automatic pilot, 24/7. Sure, this inquiry, this

pulling back and disidentifying with thought doesn't happen ALL the

time. I think psychosis would occur if it did (I'm not sure, that is

just a hypothesis).

If I pass someone and have a thought, " Mmmm...nice looking clothes, "

I don't rarely find any motivation to see that as " just a thought "

and to disidentify with it. It simply folds into the everyday

internal dialogue which happens in the brain.

At the same time, there are many interesting, though not necessarily

upsetting, thoughts which provoke inquiry here. There is a curiosity

here, a love of the 'game' of investigation, and it is pursued quite

on its own, just for the flame that burns out of the discoveries

discovered in doing the activity. It is not pursued to feel better

or to cope. It is engaged in simply because it is running its

course. It seems to have a mind of its own.

I have no idea how I " got " to such a place. I can describe the

activity of inquiry that was pursued, relentlessly, for 3+ years, but

whether that is the actual precursor of what is currently functioning

here, I don't know. It seems to have built up energy, over time, and

at some moment it reached a critical mass where it took on a life of

its own, not needing any conscious effort on " my " part.

Well...it is a pretty story anyway. :-)))