nada drama and hostage daughter

[Guest guest]

Nada called me a bitch the day after Christmas. Nothing different or

significant about that, except that my daughter heard. She was

standing outside the door. My daughter, eight, asked her, " Why did

you call nada a female dog? I heard everything. My mother didn't do

anything bad to you. " This sent nada in a tizzy--being confronted

with behavior different from her facade.

Later, my daughter told me that nada said that I called her a bad

word, Ego, and that I hurt her feelings all the time and made her cry.

She went on to say that nada told her that's why nobody in the family

likes me--I always hurt people's feelings and say bad things to them.

I asked her if she thought that was true. She looked confused and

said that I hurt her feelings that morning when I told her to do

something (that I'd told her to do two times before and she ignored).

Then she asked me what the bad word Ego meant.

Nada is very angry at me (because she called me a bitch?) and has cut

off contact (much to my relief). Unfortunately she will take my

daughter on Sunday. She has conditioned my daughter to go to church

with her and spend the entire day over her house. This is basically

the only time she will see my daughter (she will hardly ever watch my

daughter if I need her to so), and it's a part of my daughter's

routine. My daughter hates any change in her routine. Also, nada has

told my daughter that I want to make it so they never see each other

again. She's very solicitous of my daughter. She has set aside a

room of her house and keeps a whole wardrobe and set of clothes there.

The limited times nada sees her, she basically gives her anything she

wants. Nada is careful not to direct her irrational temper towards my

daughter. She constantly plays the victim and says I persecute her,

but my daughter has observed that nada is the one screaming and

starting the fight. Even so, my daughter plaintively asked me that I

not take her grandmother away from her (as I'm sure nada has

instructed). If I cut off contact with nada, my daughter will resent

it terribly.

What can I do?