Guest guest Posted July 24, 2000 Report Share Posted July 24, 2000 Welcome ! I understand how you feel. I have 4 boys, all with dissabilities. It's hard, but I guess you learn to accept your children, go on, and do the best you can for them. I have heard alot about the mmr. i know alot of people say their child was normal till the mmr and then they developed autistic symptoms. If this is causing it, then it is a shame it was discovered at the expense of so many innocent children. Welcome to our list, and I look forward to hearing more from you. We have a few more new members, please introduce yourselves, and welcome. Hello to everyone else, and I look forward to hearing updates on everyone. God bless, Sharon(moderator) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2000 Report Share Posted July 25, 2000 > How do people handle having 2 children with disabilities? I could > cope with one disabled child- having both my children with autistic > behavior is so hard to accept. , Wow. I wish I knew. I thought I had accepted my children's disabilities, until my 8 yr old was diagnosed with PDD-NOS this month; previously we knew about his ADHD and depression, but this new dx is hard to take -- now our family, too, has 2 kids on the autism spectrum. (My 10 yr old son has Asperger's; in addition my 2 1/2 yr old NT daughter had a spinal cord tumor which has delayed her motor development). Your question hit home hard -- know that you're not alone in feeling like this. I've been doing a lot of grieving lately. I SO much wish we could have a normal family. It makes me so sad when I see other families going to activities in the community, or on vacation, or just to a movie or the park (without having a major meltdown). I'd like to have a tidy house and a nice yard, but the kids take so much energy that we have to choose what to spend time on. Instead of going on vacation we go downtown for an hour or two. We've had to struggle to accept that we just CAN'T do the same things other families can do, and admit that if we have just 45 min. of fun on a family outing we've accomplished a LOT. Our therapist said something that really helped me. She said that in families with disabilities " the rules are different " . We may not be able to fulfill all the responsibilities that others may think we " should " be able to do. Instead of arriving at the neighborhood or church picnic with a wonderful casserole, we show up with a bag of chips (at least we showed up though, but probably had to leave early when one of the kids couldn't handle the stimulation). We can't always participate in activities with the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. A few weeks ago my husband was snoring loudly during a church meeting, which probably seemed really ignorant to the people there. If they knew, though, how much sleep he goes without to help with the kids and help me so I can cope better, they'd know that he's really a hero, and bring him a pillow and blanket. Does this make any sense? We've had to adjust our expectations a lot -- and TRY to accept that our family's reality is a lot different than most families. Another thing I do to cope is to get some time to myself. I'm a stay-at-home mom and rarely get a break from the craziness. My sweet husband gives me " lunch hours " -- since people who work " real " jobs get lunch hours and breaks, I get some too since I too work a " real " job. So he comes home, and I disappear for an hour or two. If you can, try to take some time off. Give yourself a lot of credit, too. You are a strong woman to have been given two daughters who need so much attention, love, and care. Sorry so long. I wish my words would convey more of what I feel. I hope it may help to know that there are others who struggle with the same thing -- and I really wish I had better ideas for you. Please - others on the list - share your secrets! Best wishes, Cathie Hi- I'm new here > Hi All, > > My name is , I have 2 daughters with special needs. My oldest > daughter is 10 and has Aspergers syndrome. My daughter Olivia is 5 and was totally, absolutely normal until she had her MMR vaccine at 2 1/2 years old. She underwent a personality change at that point and developed autistic symptoms. --------------------------------------------------------------------- --- > Best friends, most artistic, class clown Find 'em here: > http://click./1/7078/14/_/_/_/964419189/ > -------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2000 Report Share Posted July 25, 2000 > How do people handle having 2 children with disabilities? I could > cope with one disabled child- having both my children with autistic > behavior is so hard to accept. > Hi, I thought of another thing that could help. There is a wonderful book, " After the Tears: Parents Talk about Raising a Child with a Disability " by Robin Simons. It was a " must-read " for us when was first dx'ed, and still helps during hard times. Cathie Hi- I'm new here > Hi All, > > My name is , I have 2 daughters with special needs. My oldest > daughter is 10 and has Aspergers syndrome. She has had > behavioral and social difficulties since birth although she is > fortunate enough to be intellectually very able. > My daughter Olivia is 5 and was totally, absolutely normal until she > had her MMR vaccine at 2 1/2 years old. She underwent a personality > change at that point and developed autistic symptoms. She suffered > from hypersensitive hearing, became withdrawn and spent her time > watching videos and staring into space. I put her on a GF/CF diet > which helped immensely but she is still not completely normal. > Olivia's difficulties have broken my heart- she was normal until she > was vaccinated and I find that impossible to accept. The reason for > my older daughter's difficulties is unknown and I can deal with that > with more ease. > > > > -------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- > Best friends, most artistic, class clown Find 'em here: > http://click./1/7078/14/_/_/_/964419189/ > -------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2000 Report Share Posted July 25, 2000 I also have 2 kids with disabilities but they are very different. My 7 yo son has Aspergers & ADHD, my 9 yo daughter has a mood disorder (possibly bipolar) and ADD. Because they are so different, I find that usually one or the other is doing ok so I only have to deal with one's problems at a time. I also try to focus on the good qualities they each have. This summer, my son is in camp with a one-on-one aide. He is doing extremely well. On the other hand, my daughter has had several incidents where she has gotten very angry at camp and has yelled at several counselors. I've gotten approx 5 phone calls about her disruptive behavior. Since I can handle her moods better thatn anyone else, I'm taking her out of camp 2 weeks early and we'll do things like bike riding, rollerblading, shopping & other things that we can't do when her brother is around. My son doesn't have too many fits at home anymore. He is very happy to play alone at home. As long as I stay calm, I can stop him from losing control. It isn't easy & I have very little help. My husband works a lot & he can't handle the kids too well. (He does better with our daughter than our son). We have no family around and no friends that I can count on. No one can handle my son. My daughter has some friends and goes to there houses at times. We vacation at family friendly places that have kids clubs. Even if the kids don't participate, at least kids are accepted and if one of them throws a fit in public I'm not so embarrassed. My kids are also very bright, so I'm pretty sure they'll have a good future. My daughter will have to be a CEO because no one can tell her what to do. My son can be a computer nerd. He has an incredible memory. I guess I try to look at the bright side as much as possible. If I didn't, I don't think I could handle them. Myra Hi- I'm new here> Hi All,>> My name is , I have 2 daughters with special needs. Myoldest> daughter is 10 and has Aspergers syndrome. My daughterOlivia is 5 and was totally, absolutely normal until she had her MMRvaccine at 2 1/2 years old. She underwent a personality change at thatpoint and developed autistic symptoms.------------------------------------------------------------------------> Best friends, most artistic, class clown Find 'em here:> http://click./1/7078/14/_/_/_/964419189/> ------------------------------------------------------------------------>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2000 Report Share Posted July 25, 2000 Hello Cathie, and welcome. I think you have a wonderful way with words. With my 4 special needs boys, I have felt so many times like you do. It's hard for us to go on vacations or anywhere. We have to choose our outings wisely and carefully. If we go somewhere and have a full hour of fun with no tantrums, then we consider that a good day. When you have more than one child with a dissability, it is a struggle and times you feel alone. I have learned to change the rules. For instance, there are times with discipline, we give in a little. Sometimes in our family if the kids want to eat the dessert first, we let them and avoid a two hour tantrum. Of course if they do something that is totally wrong, hurting themselves or someone else, we have to intervene and let them know we do not tolerate that behavior, but for some things, we let it go to have a peaceful existence. The key is keeping my kids happy, because they tend to be moodier than normal kids. Another key is for us to stay calm, because if me or my husband get upset or yell, they get worse. I guess these are a few things I've learned along the way with discipline. When we are out, and my son throws a fit, sometimes people will look at us like it's our fault or we are bad parents. So I usually go to them and tell them my child has autism. Usually, they apologize and become humble once they know the deal, but it still bugs me to have to explain everything, because you feel you are always defending yourself. I have learned to accept my kids as they are and go from there. They are beautiful, funny, and so truthful. They tell it like it is.They have taught me unconditional love and to look at the world differently, and most of all, they taught me what's really important. I consider myself lucky that God chose me to be blessed with these beautiful, different kids. I admit, they have also been a struggle and many tears, but my life is better because of them. So I take the good with the bad and do the best I can. That's all we can do. I just wanted to share. God bless, Sharon(moderator) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2000 Report Share Posted July 25, 2000 Welcome . I think 8 is a tough age. I know people who have a child who is autistic and a nt child and they say sometimes the normal kid is worse. I think they act out sometimes to get attention. Sometimes all our attention is focused on the child with problems because they reqire so much of our time, and the nt child acts out because it's hard for them and the only way they can express it is to act out. Does all that make sense? Hang in there. I know how you feel, my husband can be frustrating also, aren't they all? O.k. all the guys on the list, just kidding lol. I look forward to hearing more from you, Sharon(moderator) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2000 Report Share Posted July 26, 2000 Hi, I know just how you feel. I have 3.5 yr old twin boys that have been diagnosed autistic and add. It isn't easy to deal with,some days are worse than others. All I can say is hang in there keep posting and reading. I know That it has helped me a lot. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2000 Report Share Posted July 26, 2000 I have 3 girls, one is 8, NT, and recently became the most impossible person I have ever met. Do military schools accept young girls? My 6yo I have never figured out, although reading a description of Aspergers one day I was pretty sure they had followed her around and written about her. My 3yo is autistic and now doing great after starting GFCF diet. She is commonly thought of by strangers as an almost fairly normal 2 year old. I always seem to have something going on with one of them. Amazingly, it is really easy when my oldest is off with her friends. We are learning to be out in public and it is going well. I think eventually you just get into the swing of things with the ones having problems. I think I did that so well with the problems of my little one that I am now doing great with my middle one, but now I can't relate to the oldest. We are having so many problems with her. My husband also does not help AT ALL and acts like this is all new to him when I tell him what is going on. Whenever he does listen and I tell people about the kids he either acts like he has never heard any of it before or tells people everything he does to help and how much a part of everthing he is (really annoying to me when he does that) and all that. Well, all H*** is breaking loose - did I mention it was easier when the NT one was gone? Have a great day! --- Myra Lapidus wrote: > I also have 2 kids with disabilities but they are > very different. My 7 yo son has Aspergers & ADHD, > my 9 yo daughter has a mood disorder (possibly > bipolar) and ADD. Because they are so different, I > find that usually one or the other is doing ok so I > only have to deal with one's problems at a time. I > also try to focus on the good qualities they each > have. This summer, my son is in camp with a > one-on-one aide. He is doing extremely well. On > the other hand, my daughter has had several > incidents where she has gotten very angry at camp > and has yelled at several counselors. I've gotten > approx 5 phone calls about her disruptive behavior. > Since I can handle her moods better thatn anyone > else, I'm taking her out of camp 2 weeks early and > we'll do things like bike riding, rollerblading, > shopping & other things that we can't do when her > brother is around. > > My son doesn't have too many fits at home anymore. > He is very happy to play alone at home. As long as > I stay calm, I can stop him from losing control. > > It isn't easy & I have very little help. My husband > works a lot & he can't handle the kids too well. > (He does better with our daughter than our son). We > have no family around and no friends that I can > count on. No one can handle my son. My daughter > has some friends and goes to there houses at times. > > We vacation at family friendly places that have kids > clubs. Even if the kids don't participate, at least > kids are accepted and if one of them throws a fit in > public I'm not so embarrassed. > > My kids are also very bright, so I'm pretty sure > they'll have a good future. My daughter will have > to be a CEO because no one can tell her what to do. > My son can be a computer nerd. He has an incredible > memory. > > I guess I try to look at the bright side as much as > possible. If I didn't, I don't think I could handle > them. > > Myra > > > Hi- I'm new here > > > > Hi All, > > > > My name is , I have 2 daughters with > special needs. My > oldest > > daughter is 10 and has Aspergers > syndrome. My daughter > Olivia is 5 and was totally, absolutely normal > until she had her MMR > vaccine at 2 1/2 years old. She underwent a > personality change at that > point and developed autistic symptoms. > > > --------------------------------------------------------------------- > --- > > Best friends, most artistic, class clown Find > 'em here: > > > http://click./1/7078/14/_/_/_/964419189/ > > > -------------------------------------------------------------------- > ---- > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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