RE: My first time here; hello to all

[Guest guest]

Jay, Some questions for you to answer for yourself: What is the false belief

you are harboring? Who is the real you and why did he join the Peace Corp?

What is your false self afraid of? Why do you believe it's wrong to ask

for what you want? Is it possible to set boundaries without rejecting

people? And...who would you be if you could live in the moment

authentically and without thoughts about your situation? Eddie

>

>Reply-To: Loving-what-is

>To: Loving-what-is

>Subject: My first time here; hello to all

>Date: Sun, 15 Feb 2004 15:39:24 -0000

>

>I am a Peace Corps Volunteer in West Africa. I need help in loving

>what is about where I am now and where I will be for the next 16

>months. I am on the edge of the desert, which means a lot of sand,

>wind, and heat. People live in large family groups and I live alone,

>which I like very much. But since it is a collectivist society, the

>concept of solitude is not common here; people think they are doing

>me a favor by dropping in on me so that I will not be alone. It is

>socially acceptable to drop in on people whenever you want.

>Hospitality is gracious, and one needs to be a good host, dropping

>what one is doing to entertain the visitor. In other people's homes,

>there is usually a television, which is usually on. If the host goes

>out of the room, there are other family members to entertain, or

>there is the TV. I have nobody else to entertain and I have no TV.

>One of the goals of the Peace Corps is to familiarize the inhabitants

>of the country where we Volunteers live to Americans -- in short, to

>gain friends in peaceful ways for my home country. With that in mind,

>I am hyper-aware that I am always " on " as an American. I want to be a

>good person, welcoming, and pleasant to whoever drops in, but, at the

>same time, I have needs for solitude, to be able to sit around in my

>underwear, read a book, just relax by myself. I want to find a way to

>be true to myself, my own needs, and to be a gracious American, which

>is part of the job of being here. I have only just started reading

>the book, so I may find answers there, but at the same time, I am

>excited about having a dialogue with real people who can step away,

>look at where I am, and see it with fresher eyes than mine. Thank you

>for any assistance.

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

Create your own personal Web page with the info you use most, at My MSN.

http://click.atdmt.com/AVE/go/onm00200364ave/direct/01/

[Guest guest]

Jay, I had a belief that if I didn't get time to myself I would be tired. And I

was tired. However, I was tired even if I did things or went home for a nap. I

am still struggling with wanting to be on my own and trying to find as much time

for myself as possible but I do more now. Even if I am tired. Doing the work

helped me with this.

Maybe your path right now is to be struggling with solitude. I am assuming you

have volunteered and will be there only for a certain period of time. Why not

do the work then just experience what happens? Give up your story that you want

to be uninterrupted. See where you are in a day's time, in a week's time. When

you get old and are looking forward to the end of your life it is doubtful you

will regret not having had more time alone.

How about posting a worksheet? Do the 4 questions on statements around what is

bothering you e.g. I need to be left alone, I need to have some time to myself,

people should not drop in on me unnanounced etc., etc. You are asking for " real

people who can step away, look at where I am, and see it with fresher eyes " .

That could be you!!

What a wonderful experience you are having. Experiencing a different country, a

much different culture and learning about yourself at the same time.

Doreen

>

>Reply-To: Loving-what-is

>To: Loving-what-is

>Subject: My first time here; hello to all

>Date: Sun, 15 Feb 2004 15:39:24 -0000

>

>I am a Peace Corps Volunteer in West Africa. I need help in loving

>what is about where I am now and where I will be for the next 16

>months. I am on the edge of the desert, which means a lot of sand,

>wind, and heat. People live in large family groups and I live alone,

>which I like very much. But since it is a collectivist society, the

>concept of solitude is not common here; people think they are doing

>me a favor by dropping in on me so that I will not be alone. It is

>socially acceptable to drop in on people whenever you want.

>Hospitality is gracious, and one needs to be a good host, dropping

>what one is doing to entertain the visitor. In other people's homes,

>there is usually a television, which is usually on. If the host goes

>out of the room, there are other family members to entertain, or

>there is the TV. I have nobody else to entertain and I have no TV.

>One of the goals of the Peace Corps is to familiarize the inhabitants

>of the country where we Volunteers live to Americans -- in short, to

>gain friends in peaceful ways for my home country. With that in mind,

>I am hyper-aware that I am always " on " as an American. I want to be a

>good person, welcoming, and pleasant to whoever drops in, but, at the

>same time, I have needs for solitude, to be able to sit around in my

>underwear, read a book, just relax by myself. I want to find a way to

>be true to myself, my own needs, and to be a gracious American, which

>is part of the job of being here. I have only just started reading

>the book, so I may find answers there, but at the same time, I am

>excited about having a dialogue with real people who can step away,

>look at where I am, and see it with fresher eyes than mine. Thank you

>for any assistance.

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

Create your own personal Web page with the info you use most, at My MSN.

http://click.atdmt.com/AVE/go/onm00200364ave/direct/01/

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

-

Your circumstances reminded me of my own. I work with the public all

day long which can be very stressful especially in the organization I

work for. They keep adding more work for us to do and reducing our

work force. I live in a congested city so what used to be a 20 minute

drive to get home now takes me 45 minutes. The drivers seem to be

getting more greedy on the road too--I don't know what that's all

about, but I find it irritating. By the time I get home, all I want

to do is put my sweats on and read a book or watch an old movie on TV

with my " roomy. "

During my work week, I don't want to have company, talk on the phone

or have to go out even for milk! I let the answering machine take my

messages and I don't answer the door when the doorbell rings. I know

I'm an introvert, and that's fine with me. The only problem for me is

that 85% of the general public are extroverts and they don't

understand my need for solitude (it regenerates me) so they keep

wanting to change me or diagnose me as anti social or depressed.

My truth is that I don't especially like groups of people; I prefer

one-to-one interaction. I don't like noisy places, I'd rather be in

a quiet environment. I don't like people dropping in on me without

calling first, I like to decide for myself when I want company.

I know it sounds a bit rigid, but it's what I like and how I prefer

to live. I really don't have a great deal in common with most of the

people I come in contact with, so having a few good friends and one

intimate relationship is fine with me.

I hope you'll find something useful in my babbling reflections.

Sincerely, Kominsenz

-- In Loving-what-is , " jaypeacecorps "

<jaypeacecorps@y...> wrote:

> I am a Peace Corps Volunteer in West Africa. I need help in loving

> what is about where I am now and where I will be for the next 16

> months. I am on the edge of the desert, which means a lot of sand,

> wind, and heat. People live in large family groups and I live

alone,

> which I like very much. But since it is a collectivist society, the

> concept of solitude is not common here; people think they are doing

> me a favor by dropping in on me so that I will not be alone. It is

> socially acceptable to drop in on people whenever you want.

> Hospitality is gracious, and one needs to be a good host, dropping

> what one is doing to entertain the visitor. In other people's

homes,

> there is usually a television, which is usually on. If the host

goes

> out of the room, there are other family members to entertain, or

> there is the TV. I have nobody else to entertain and I have no TV.

> One of the goals of the Peace Corps is to familiarize the

inhabitants

> of the country where we Volunteers live to Americans -- in short,

to

> gain friends in peaceful ways for my home country. With that in

mind,

> I am hyper-aware that I am always " on " as an American. I want to be

a

> good person, welcoming, and pleasant to whoever drops in, but, at

the

> same time, I have needs for solitude, to be able to sit around in

my

> underwear, read a book, just relax by myself. I want to find a way

to

> be true to myself, my own needs, and to be a gracious American,

which

> is part of the job of being here. I have only just started reading

> the book, so I may find answers there, but at the same time, I am

> excited about having a dialogue with real people who can step away,

> look at where I am, and see it with fresher eyes than mine. Thank

you

> for any assistance.

[Guest guest]

You know me. Are you talking about me? LOL

Sounds like you have no stress about this.

Doreen

Re: My first time here; hello to all

-

Your circumstances reminded me of my own. I work with the public all

day long which can be very stressful especially in the organization I

work for. They keep adding more work for us to do and reducing our

work force. I live in a congested city so what used to be a 20 minute

drive to get home now takes me 45 minutes. The drivers seem to be

getting more greedy on the road too--I don't know what that's all

about, but I find it irritating. By the time I get home, all I want

to do is put my sweats on and read a book or watch an old movie on TV

with my " roomy. "

During my work week, I don't want to have company, talk on the phone

or have to go out even for milk! I let the answering machine take my

messages and I don't answer the door when the doorbell rings. I know

I'm an introvert, and that's fine with me. The only problem for me is

that 85% of the general public are extroverts and they don't

understand my need for solitude (it regenerates me) so they keep

wanting to change me or diagnose me as anti social or depressed.

My truth is that I don't especially like groups of people; I prefer

one-to-one interaction. I don't like noisy places, I'd rather be in

a quiet environment. I don't like people dropping in on me without

calling first, I like to decide for myself when I want company.

I know it sounds a bit rigid, but it's what I like and how I prefer

to live. I really don't have a great deal in common with most of the

people I come in contact with, so having a few good friends and one

intimate relationship is fine with me.

I hope you'll find something useful in my babbling reflections.

Sincerely, Kominsenz

-- In Loving-what-is , " jaypeacecorps "

<jaypeacecorps@y...> wrote:

> I am a Peace Corps Volunteer in West Africa. I need help in loving

> what is about where I am now and where I will be for the next 16

> months. I am on the edge of the desert, which means a lot of sand,

> wind, and heat. People live in large family groups and I live

alone,

> which I like very much. But since it is a collectivist society, the

> concept of solitude is not common here; people think they are doing

> me a favor by dropping in on me so that I will not be alone. It is

> socially acceptable to drop in on people whenever you want.

> Hospitality is gracious, and one needs to be a good host, dropping

> what one is doing to entertain the visitor. In other people's

homes,

> there is usually a television, which is usually on. If the host

goes

> out of the room, there are other family members to entertain, or

> there is the TV. I have nobody else to entertain and I have no TV.

> One of the goals of the Peace Corps is to familiarize the

inhabitants

> of the country where we Volunteers live to Americans -- in short,

to

> gain friends in peaceful ways for my home country. With that in

mind,

> I am hyper-aware that I am always " on " as an American. I want to be

a

> good person, welcoming, and pleasant to whoever drops in, but, at

the

> same time, I have needs for solitude, to be able to sit around in

my

> underwear, read a book, just relax by myself. I want to find a way

to

> be true to myself, my own needs, and to be a gracious American,

which

> is part of the job of being here. I have only just started reading

> the book, so I may find answers there, but at the same time, I am

> excited about having a dialogue with real people who can step away,

> look at where I am, and see it with fresher eyes than mine. Thank

you

> for any assistance.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Dear Common Sense:

Below is your post with my comments imbedded in parentheses.

Your circumstances reminded me of my own. (Of course they did, there

are no new stories.) I work with the public all

day long which can be very stressful (Is that true? They are all your

story of the public.)) especially in the organization I

work for. (Is that true? Another story.) They keep adding more work

for us to do and reducing our

work force. (This is what is. It is their job (literally and

figuratively. Argue with it and you lose.) I live in a congested

city (Is that true?) so what used to be a 20 minute

drive to get home now takes me 45 minutes. (How sweet, more time to

do self-inquiry.) The drivers seem to be

getting more greedy on the road too--I don't know what that's all

about, (Turn it around and find out.) but I find it irritating.(Try

replacing the word " drivers " with " my thinking " By the time I get

home, all I want

to do is put my sweats on and read a book or watch an old movie on TV

with my " roomy. " (Sounds like a great time to me!)

During my work week, I don't want to have company, talk on the phone

or have to go out even for milk! I let the answering machine take my

messages and I don't answer the door when the doorbell rings. I know

I'm an introvert (Can you really know that that is true?), and that's

fine with me. The only problem for me (Is that true?) is

that 85% of the general public are extroverts and they don't

understand my need for solitude (Is that true?) (it regenerates me)

so they keep

wanting to change me (Is that true?) or diagnose me as anti social or

depressed (Is that true?).

My truth is that I don't especially like groups of people; I prefer

one-to-one interaction. I don't like noisy places, I'd rather be in

a quiet environment. (Makes sense to me.) I don't like people

dropping in on me without

calling first, (It is their job. They will continue to drop in until

you no longer have any judgements about it.) I like to decide for

myself when I want company.

I know it sounds a bit rigid,(please drop the " bit " ) but it's what I

like and how I prefer

to live. I really don't have a great deal in common with most of the

people I come in contact with (That's a good one! Who told you that

one?), so having a few good friends and one

intimate relationship is fine with me.

I hope you'll find something useful in my babbling reflections. (I

found lots of useful information! Thank you for that!))

Thank you so much for sharing your thinking with us. My comments are

merely " my thinking " and have nothing whatsoever to do with you. I

just felt like sharing it, so I did. It appears to me that your life

is pretty sweet!

Blessings, Steve D.