Re: I am a codependent

[Guest guest]

> Is it true? Yes.

> Is it really true? Nothing is absolute.

> How do I feel with this thought? I feel exasperated. Wanting to be

> rescued from myself.

> Who would I be without this? I would be a strong, self-reliant woman.

> I would feel peace and trust.

>

> Turnarounds:

> I am not a codependent.

> My thinking is codependent.

>

> And now I feel stuck. I don't want the codependent story. what can I

> replace it with???

I have to replace my codependent story with something healthier.

True? Yes!

Absolutely true? How can I know anything absolutely? No.

How do I feel? Strangled. I can't breathe with this label around my

neck. It's choking me. I'm CODEPENDENT! It's awful! I'm at the mercy

of other people. I have to respond in the way their behavior dictates.

I'm not free to be myself. Somebody looks at me a certain way and I

have to protitute myself emotionally to get their love and approval. I

can't stop myself. If I could just get rid of being codependent, I'd

be okay, but as long as I have this label, as long as I am this way,

I'm fundamentally damaged. I'm not okay. I'm broken.

Without the thought? Not judging my feelings and behaviors. Just

noticing them. Noticing when I'm wishing I had not given away

something I just did. Loving myself no matter what labels come to

mind. Codependent? Sensitive? Hypersensitive? Obsessive? Compulsive?

Whatever. Those are just thoughts. I'm me.

I have to replace my codependent story with something healthier.

TA:

I don't have to replace my codependent story with something healthier.

No, I don't *have* to do anything.

I get to meet my codependent thinking with understanding. Yes, in

those moments when I do, it's such a relief to let myself off the hook

and just love who I am.

What story gets run is not up to me. The stories seem to come and go.

Sometimes I resist them, sometimes I meet them with love. It seems to

feel better when I meet them with love.

Thank you, . Your work was just the launch pad I needed this

morning.

love,

Tom

[Guest guest]

Tom Barron wrote:

>

> I get to meet my codependent thinking with understanding. Yes, in

> those moments when I do, it's such a relief to let myself off the hook

> and just love who I am.

>

> What story gets run is not up to me. The stories seem to come and go.

> Sometimes I resist them, sometimes I meet them with love. It seems to

> feel better when I meet them with love.

>

> Thank you, . Your work was just the launch pad I needed this

> morning.

>

> love,

> Tom

For me, meeting my codependent thinking that has been recycling itself

for many years in this manner doesn't bring me peace.

I need to inquire deeper.

I get to experience the feeling of looking for my love *out there* and

the terror of not finding it - again!

I get to experience the fear of establishing intimacy with myself by

asking ME what I want. What makes me happy - and go deeper and deeper

and deeper.

Realizing that my " love " , " attachment " , for another was merely an

excuse to run from me is huge. I so get that I'm growing up and am on

the first step of having a real relationship that isn't about running

from me!

Now THAT'S exciting! Humor is everyone is my partner in this journey.

Thanks - love this work on using another as a drug to keep me from

experiencing love.

Blessings - Jan

[Guest guest]

Dear gypsy, Why not try a statement that starts out:

I hate/like/am angry at etc,. being co-dependant because..........

or simply, I am codependant because...........

Then work on the beliefs that follow taking one at a time. This might make it

more real as I think using the term " codependant " may be used as a general term

to cover a lot of underlying beliefs e.g I need to be loved, I can't manage

without him/her, I need to have someone to love.

Good luck

Doreen

I am a codependent

Is it true? Yes.

Is it really true? Nothing is absolute.

How do I feel with this thought? I feel exasperated. Wanting to be

rescued from myself.

Who would I be without this? I would be a strong, self-reliant woman.

I would feel peace and trust.

Turnarounds:

I am not a codependent.

My thinking is codependent.

And now I feel stuck. I don't want the codependent story. what can I

replace it with???

[Guest guest]

> Is it true? Yes.

> Is it really true? Nothing is absolute.

> How do I feel with this thought? I feel exasperated. Wanting to be

> rescued from myself.

> Who would I be without this? I would be a strong, self-reliant

woman.

> I would feel peace and trust.

>

> Turnarounds:

> I am not a codependent.

> My thinking is codependent.

>

> And now I feel stuck. I don't want the codependent story. what can

I replace it with???

>

Dear Gypsy,

It sounds like you have the codependent story for now. I gather that

it's stressful for you and that you don't want it. Maybe there's

another way than just finding something to replace that thought

with. Like more inquiry!

My experience of wanting a story to go away is that it doesn't

usually happen that way. The story is there until it's not, and no

amount of me willing it away seems to help. In fact, often times,

the thought seems to get stronger when I ignore it. Sort of like a

kid in the rain banging on the door to get inside.

With inquiry, I get to spend some time understanding the thought,

and the attachment seems to loosen. But trying to swap out a

stressful story for a more peaceful story, without the experience of

inquiry, hasn't really worked for me.

If you'd like to...spend some more time with questions three and

four in your inquiry. And consider judging your neighbor instead of

working on the thought of your codependency. You might judge the

person or people that you think you are codependent with. For

instance: I need him to be with me all the time. He shouldn't go out

with his own friends. I need her to live with me. She should tell me

that she loves me.

What are the things you need from other people when you believe

you're a codependent? Pointing the finger outward can bring very

insightful realizations and I think can still address your concern

with being codependent.

Related to the piece you shared with the group...

I see the turnaround:

TA> I'm independent.

Can you find one time where you did something by yourself and felt

perfectly fine? If you can find that one time, this is where you're

not a codependent. See if you can find another time after that. And

another.

And how about this one:

TA> I am interdependent.

Can you find at least one time where you did something with someone

else and felt really great about it? This could be another place

where you're not a codependent. A place where you are interdependent.

You can make a game out of this...like watching yourself during the

day and noticing when you do independent and interdependent things.

How many can you find!?

If you think you're doing something codependently, ask yourself what

you need in that moment. Are you afraid of something? See if you can

write it down as a judgment of the person you were doing the

codependent thing with and then maybe bring it to inquiry and see

what happens.

Love,

mona

P.S. It's ok to feel stuck after doing a piece of inquiry, too.