To Mel...body image

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/31/2004 7:28:30 PM Central Standard Time,

topazmoon1964@... writes:

Mel...I looked at your website and thought to myself... " God I wished I looked

that pretty. " Yet I bet when you look at it all you see are the rolls of

unattractive fat. We are own worse critics. We see blemishes and faults that no

one else sees. We find it hard to accept compliments when others give them to

us. Yet...we are beautiful...we are attractive...we are wonderful. Just takes

time to get it through our thick skulls :-/

______________________________________________________________

Funny, I do the same. I think how much better others look than me. I think

right now that I am feeling betrayed by my own body. The things I considered an

asset to begin with(natural waistline and curves) are now a " double roll " that

will make the pannie less effective.

I sit here and think of what the PS said. I don't know wether to stop it

all or go on. I desperately want the arms fixed. Enough to take a wait and see

attitude towards the plastics and see if maybe he wasn't just trying to make

me understand that the full TT wasn't going to be done and that he didn't want

me to expect a model perfect body. I had put back almost 1200 dollars towards

the TT and would have been able to do It if Tom's truck dying hadn't made it

an impossibility. We had to spend the money on getting a replacemment vehicle.

I think back on what was said and here is the bulk

1- This isn't the cosmetic. We will do the pannie and try to do it in a way

as to not make the cosmetic stuff impossible at a later date. We will improve

functionality(?sp) and it will look better but don't expect Miss America(Like I

would expect that!) and the results while good wouldn't be what you'd expect

with something like you'd see on TV.

2- He said he has several people who do the surgeries in 3-4 surgeries.

Talked about one in the hospital now for thighs and something. Said it was her

3rd

surgery.

3-He emphasised several times that the results would not give me a flat

tummy(wasn't expecting that either) on the other hand, he never said a word

about

the arms not being cosmetic. Just voiced amazement that I was able to get

approval. He told me I was the first arms that he had ever seen approved by

BC/BS.

He also told me that part of the problem was insurance. He said that people I

had seen approved for more extensive surgery wasn't dealing with BC/BS of

Alabama. He said that they were hard to deal with and behind the times.

4- I feel like I need to go ahead with this. For some reason, I feel like

maybe things will be better than I expect. Maybe this is all the same depression

that I feeel deep inside after seeing the pics and feeling so grosteque? I

know Tom has been there for 19 yrs. And I Know that I'm aging....maybe the big

4-0 coming up is playing a big roles in why I want this done so bad. I think

also there is a bit of me that feels loss. I want what never was and never will

be. Does this make sense? I guess we all have our own crosses to bear as I look

at Kristy, who has voiced her displeasures in her results, Yet I look at pics

of smiling, beautiful, young girls in formal gowns dancing and having fun

with friends and I am so envious. I never have ever went anywhere to wear a

formal gown. I think about stuff and what I could have done different. I think

why

didn't I fuss when I never lost to goal 20 yrs ago? Why couldn't I have heard

of the Ds(or BPD) years before the RNY? Does this make sense? Mourning for

what could have been?

I expected a lot from the Ds revision. I have gained a lot but in several

ways, I'm very dissappointed. I expected weight losses to decrease the pain. So

far I have had the opposite. There have been plusses and negatives. My neck

and upper back pain is unchanged. Add to that the knee and hip pain, and I'm

miserable. Part of this may be the fibro and I don't do Air conditioning well.

So maybe when the weather changes and I can cut it all off and be comfortable

without it maybe the pain will be better. I have the plusses of better

breathing. I think at how I would feel all the tissue around my face and neck

and thik

" Geeze, How can my sister breathe, she has more tissue in this area than I

did. I do have slightly better tolerance than she does. I can go to Wal mart and

walk around and looked today and she was griping and didn't want to look in

electronics and see if the game was in I wanted to get for

Christmas(Thank God for Wally world's layaway...LOL) As it was our Brand new

super wal

mart, the store is rather large, But I was hurting in my hip, but could have and

did walk it. She got mad and went home, Not 'feeling like walking all over the

damned store. " I KNOW I will hurt when I do a lot. Now I can do it and face

the consequences later. She can't do it and refuses to try. I try to remmeber

how I felt, but I get impatient when I want to do and she is with me and

doesn't want to do anything.(Except go outr and eat! she's always game for that)

On the subject of husbands. I married at 280...A full 40 lbs more than

now. Tom dated me in HS when I was gaining rapidly(433lb at 17) I always had

friends who were boys and was always more comfortable with them than other

girls,

I guess I had more in common with them...I mean I couldn't go shopping with

my girlfriends. I guees also Girls didn't want to be seen with the fat chick.

Tom was one of my best friends. We reconnected after he moved to Texas and then

moved back and married within months.

On the other hand my sister has been single her whole life. She made bad

decisions about who she hung out with and a few years ago decided she was

going to get pregnant, and slept with one of her friends(weird situation) She

did

it on purpose but continues to act like it was a accident. I don't think she

will ever marry. She is plain old a " bitch " and she wants a man that she will

never get....(we can't all have Tom Cruise...LOL) She has a kid with another

guy and so many things that makes her unattractive to a lot of guys. BUT she has

a guy here in Town who thinks She is wonderful...bad thing is he is Married.

He loves big women(Most black guys do...LOL), and she is tall and blonde. So

the only guy chasing her is really good looking but married...LOL.

I don't understand either how some women get gorgeous guys. I see people

sometimes and think the same think(you know the other hand is ugly girl with

drop dead gorgeous guy!)I have never figured it out...It has to be personality.

I think sometimes if Sharon would put herself in situations to meet people

better, she might not be in the situation she's in now. She blames her weight,

and I'm sure that adds to things, but like you said there are so many big girls

with wonderful guys.

Me? I'd hate to think I was trying to explain This body to a new guy....

I was discussing this with my friend in Tn who lost 300+ lbs. We were

discussing the body afterwards. She kept telling me I didn't look too bad, then

I sent

her some example pics of my Pannie and arms. She said that I didn't look bad

in the other(clothed ) pics.... Yet i look at post op pics of Marta, Liz and

all the others and think...That doesn't look too bad, Why can't I look that

good?

Anyway, Desperate to get out of my funk, I went and cut my hair off. I

figured I didn't want to be gighting the long stringy mess with my post op arms

and Cut 6-8 inches off of my shaggy hair. Funny how a new hairdo helps you

feel better?

I'm drinking protein shakes for the next 2 weeks to make sure my protein

levels are up for healing. It has dropped me to the low end of my bounce

range....go figure!

in Bama

Web site- http://hometown.aol.com/mdl1031/

[Guest guest]

Mel,

I say go for it. That surgeon, now remember, you and I know this:

he is afraid of patients having unrealistic expectations so he will

downplay the results before the surgery. He will try to do a good

job. He just doesn't want you to have unrealistic expectations.

The TT made an incredible difference in my life. I no longer feel

deformed. Or didn't, now I have a spot that is bad, but still, it

is much better than before. Even if I leave my bra on at all times

except while showering, lol, I still feel better.

So, go for it! You will feel much better about yourself. By next

summer you will be able to wear sleeveless blouses, etc. You will

be a new woman. You are very pretty now, you will knock them out

afterward. Most of it is from inside, you know that. We have all

seen the obese woman who looks nice and dresses nice. You have

those instincts. Men accept the changes in our bodies, they have no

choice. We are the ones who have babies, remember? lol

My trick, if you are ever single again: I only date men who have

been married and had babies with someone. Seriously. They aren't

surprised by anything.

Marta

[Guest guest]

> in Bama

> Web site- http://hometown.aol.com/mdl1031/

>

>

Mellie,

I would love to do a voice chat with you. Would you mind sending me

your phone number to of_inanna @ yahoo. com?

Keep smiling..

Talk soon.

Liz

[Guest guest]

> I say go for it. That surgeon, now remember, you and I know

this:

> he is afraid of patients having unrealistic expectations so he

will

> downplay the results before the surgery. He will try to do a good

> job. He just doesn't want you to have unrealistic expectations.

==================================

Mel....I agree with Marta and say " go for it! " I don't consider

your PS Uncaring in anyway. He is not in the business of " giving "

away plastic surgery. He Can't and stay in business. In fact in

the Plastic surgery world your lucky to even get a surgeon to apply

for insuranc, little on accept what they pay. So I don't consider

him uncaring at all. I agree he wants you to be realistic in the

results he can achieve in ONE surgery.

When we start to look for near perfection we will always be

disappointed. They are not starting with the lady who got alittle

stretched out having a baby. We can't hope for anything near

perfection...we can hope for great improvement. Mel it is a VAST

improvement not to have a hanging panni anylonger. However, I have

said before...you get one area fixed and you then focus on another

fault. God knows we have plenty of them.

Your disappointments are normal...I believe it is actually part of

the process. Yes, a stage of mourning. Hey, didn't you say you

just wanted to be normal for the first time in your life? Well

guess what sweetie...YOUR NORMAL.

Most women want to lose weight.

Most women HATE their body.

How does it feel to be completely NORMAL.

Truely your disappointments are a part of the process. I think it's

great that your talking openly about it. It helps everyone. But

since it is a part of the process the trick becomes not to get STUCK

at that stage. And that is an " internal process " . To start to

accept and appreciate the new you. Believe me it's hard because your

not only mixing acceptance of weightloss and body imperfections, but

also body aches that don't go away and the also natural grief over

the aging process. Wham Bam a triple header!

Nobody, I repeat NOBODY comes out of this perfect. Even with all

the plastic surgery in the world. And guess what....that even

includes the folks who Never had a weight problem. One of the

things that has been actually helping me alot is all the plastic

surgery shows on tv these days. It really brings home how everyone

has things they hate about their body. We have to quit comparing

ourselves to hollywood standards and look at REAL people.

This is all a part of the " ride " ....Keep your seat belt fastened!

Hugs

Jo

[Guest guest]

Now, Jo, why on EARTH would you want to muddy the waters with logic????

_____

From: Jo

Sent:

Mel....I agree with Marta and say " go for it! " I don't consider

your PS Uncaring in anyway. He is not in the business of " giving "

away plastic surgery. He Can't and stay in business. In fact in

the Plastic surgery world your lucky to even get a surgeon to apply

for insuranc, little on accept what they pay. So I don't consider

him uncaring at all. I agree he wants you to be realistic in the

results he can achieve in ONE surgery.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/2/2004 12:30:21 PM Central Standard Time,

moobabies@... writes:

One of the

things that has been actually helping me alot is all the plastic

surgery shows on tv these days. It really brings home how everyone

has things they hate about their body. We have to quit comparing

ourselves to hollywood standards and look at REAL people.

This is all a part of the " ride " ....Keep your seat belt fastened!

Hugs

Jo

_______________________________________________________-

Jo,

I think that's my problem, along with all the other stuff you mentioned.

I have watched the PS shows and they really show the best of the best. I

wonder how these people get thousands of dollars for plastics and look fine, And

people like us fight tooth and nail for what little we can get done.

My date has been pushed back to the 20th. Better in a way so I will be

1st case and not have to wait all day. I was going to fuss, then She explained

to me why,and I thought about it and realized it was better for me.

in Bama

Web site- http://hometown.aol.com/mdl1031/

[Guest guest]

> My date has been pushed back to the 20th. Better in a way so I

will be

> 1st case and not have to wait all day.

===========================================

This is great. It also shows that your surgeon wants to give your

case his best and he realizes it's not just the usual nip/tuck.

I can't remember are you going to be outpatient? Have you discussed

pain control with the good doctor? I would highly recommend that

you have him prescribe any pain meds he intends to give you BEFORE

surgery. That way you have a chance to get it filled and your

family can just worry about taking care of you rather than running

around. Regardless of in/outpatient the doctor knows what he usually

prescribes and it is just easier to already have it at home. I do

this with all surgeries now.

Another thing you might want to talk to him about during your pre-op

appointment. When I woke from my tummy tuck I had NO pain, zero,

none...in fact I questioned if the surgery had been done. I didn't

even have the slightest twinge of pain until about 10pm that night,

then at the first onset of pain the vicoden was able to control it

nicely. What the surgeon did was numb me from the inside out (think

dentist) It made a vast difference. I have only heard of this

happening one other time...lol...and it was on one of those plastic

surgery shows!

Speaking of vicoden. I wasn't using any by day 3. The Surgeon told

me to take it...I said but I'm not in pain...he said TAKE IT. He

explained that the vicoden helped keep things relaxed and blood

flowed to the area better, thus promoting healing. So For two weeks

I took the Vicoden...wellllll actually I took 1/2 a pill, just

enough to feel the muscles relax.

Your doing great Protein loading with your shakes before

surgery...yea for you! I assume your taking Iron. This is an area

to watch carefully. Many wls people become anemic after Tucks.

There is alot of blood removed in that panni (especially if it is a

large panni) and if you are already having problems or are on the

border of low iron it can sure throw you into anemia...So be

aware. Perhaps also discuss this with the surgeon at the pre-op

and see what can be done pro-active before your sent home....after

all, low iron can sure affect healing.

Ok...I'm going to quit babbling before I make you a nervous wreck.

Aren't you glad that I don't know much about the arms or this post

might never end.

Hugs

Jo

Just think, after the 20th your going to get to know your little

lady like you haven't been able to before.

[Guest guest]

Well, dang it Jo! Why didn't I get that numbing from the inside

stuff? I had the same tuck surgeon you did! No fair! I cry foul!

Or maybe it just wore off faster for me. We're all different.

Hmmm, something to think about for any future surgeries though.

Tracey

> Another thing you might want to talk to him about during your pre-

op

> appointment. When I woke from my tummy tuck I had NO pain, zero,

> none...in fact I questioned if the surgery had been done. I

didn't

> even have the slightest twinge of pain until about 10pm that

night,

> then at the first onset of pain the vicoden was able to control it

> nicely. What the surgeon did was numb me from the inside out

(think

> dentist) It made a vast difference. I have only heard of this

> happening one other time...lol...and it was on one of those

plastic

> surgery shows!

>

> Hugs

> Jo

> Just think, after the 20th your going to get to know your little

> lady like you haven't been able to before.

[Guest guest]

> Well, dang it Jo! Why didn't I get that numbing from the inside

> stuff? I had the same tuck surgeon you did! No fair! I cry

foul!

> Or maybe it just wore off faster for me. We're all different.

> Hmmm, something to think about for any future surgeries though.

>

> Tracey

===============================

Tracey

I know you didn't get the numbing. Neither did Janice who also had

the same doctor. The only thing I can figure...you guys were both

hernia repairs/tummy tucks and inpatient. I was outpatient. I can

only guess that since I wouldn't get a pca pump he gave me a little

extra help???? But I really don't know. All I know is...it made a

huge difference and I think EVERYONE should get that.

Hugs

Jo

[Guest guest]

Hi Jo!

I agree, everyone should get that! It's not like my stupid

insurance company didn't TRY to say mine was an out-patient

surgery. It's just that the good doc knew better before we even

began. Maybe it's an extra expense that insurance doesn't cover, so

he didn't mention it? Oh well, I'll know to ask for it next time

around.

Hugs!

Tracey

>

> Tracey

>

> I know you didn't get the numbing. Neither did Janice who also

had

> the same doctor. The only thing I can figure...you guys were both

> hernia repairs/tummy tucks and inpatient. I was outpatient. I

can

> only guess that since I wouldn't get a pca pump he gave me a

little

> extra help???? But I really don't know. All I know is...it made

a

> huge difference and I think EVERYONE should get that.

>

> Hugs

> Jo