Guest guest Posted January 24, 2004 Report Share Posted January 24, 2004 hi everyone, i must say, i admire the persistance in alot of you! i usually dont do inquiry unless im in some kind of " emergency " situation (not always, but most times), and as soon as the edge is taken off, im like: okay, done! belief still largely intact, just not so up-front in my mind. oh well, no mistake i suppose. anyway, one very OOOOOLD belief that is resurfacing lately is " people don't like me " or " im unlikable " or " something's wrong with me " . im not sure exactly what it is, i just know it's painful, and it causes me alot of stress (especially when im around others). so im going to hack away at it now. IM UNLIKABLE, UNLOVEABLE. 1. is that true? *feels true to me, lately. what is your proof? *ive had people i love (and who claimed to love me) completely abandon me, reject me...just <poof>! gone for good. i feel like an outsider, like i don't fit in with anyone. my conversations feel strained. i feel like i just bug people. so people should not abandon me. 1. is that true? whats the reality of it? *the reality is that people have done that. more than once. so, no. it's not true. 3. how do i react to this belief? *well, i feel something MUST be wrong with me. i compare myself to others who i feel are " better " than me. i feel very lonely and isolated from people. i have dreams of these people abandoning me over and over again. i hate them, i hate myself. i close myself off to possible relationships because a. i feel im not up to the task, and b. i dont want to risk getting hurt like that again. i tell myself im damaged goods. im becoming more and more reclusive and odd. i dont get close to anyone because im afraid they will see how fucked up i am and reject me. i doom myself to rejection, over and over again in life, and in my thoughts. i become depressed and withdrawn. in short, life really sucks with this belief. i can see no peacful reason to hold onto this thought. i see a reason to drop it, to stop fighting it. 4. who would i be without " people should not reject and abandon me? " *definately out of their business! free to let other people do and think exactly what they will without trying to munipulate and cling to anything. open to what's next. letting people flow in and out of my life. less angry for certain. more peaceful. TA> i should not reject myself. yes, alot of the time i hate myself as i am. that is rejection. i try to abandon myself. i should not reject others. yes, i reject closeness with others (before they can do it to me), and it is very lonely. i dont know how NOT to do that, but i do see the turnaround here. people should reject me, until they dont. ouch. " i need you to love me " is a core feeling im picking up here. this is very messy! I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME. 1. is this true? no, i continue surviving without your love. 3. how do i react believing this? sad, lonely. again, " something is wrong with me " . i believe im defective. needy. paralyzed. i shoot myself down before you can. i dont take risks. i feel stupid, ugly. not good enough. i ask what happened? i feel like a giant weight (the past) is chained around me, holding me down, holding me back. scared. lost. finished. no peacful reason to keep this thought. i can see many reasons to let it go. 4. who would i be without " i need you to love me? " *maybe i could forgive you. maybe i could forgive myself and just let it go. maybe alot of other things would drop away as well. i could stop fearing love. i dont know. i see how stubbornly i hold this. lots of pain here. TA> i need me to love myself. love myself. this is seeming completely foreign. i think i have ALWAYS looked at myself through others eyes. yes! i need to see myself as i do when i think YOU love ME. regardless of you! i need to love you, without the condition of you loving me. this would be wonderful. and sad! i dont need your love. apparently not. i need my love. i can see this. okay, thats all for right now. love, jeremy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2004 Report Share Posted January 24, 2004 , You are good at doing the work and good at answering questions, I too know how to do that. It seems to me, and this is all " my work " (all about me!) , that there is an underlying belief going on. So: when people tell me they " love me " or that I am " likeable " it means.....( a great way to get to underlying beliefs for me) For me it means that geeze, I must have fooled them good, or maybe I was on my best behavior and they just don't really know and now I had better stay as good as I was, because what if I screw up and they find out I am really not all that " great " . Sometimes it means that they must want something (a common belief with those of the opposite sex.) they are just saying that because they want to manipulate me with that thought that they " love me " . Sometimes it means that they accept " that me " the one that they see through their eyes. I really like that and I want to be " that me " for them, damn I hope I can remember which one " that one " was! LOL Sometimes it means we get to play " in love " . We get to just be feeling this " love thing " and it is all pretty good. just what is, and nice, and for the moment we are feeling this " love thing " . I am in that very moment and all is well with the world. So when I take some of these thoughts and dig into them wow, I get some winners! Some humm zingers, ones that zap and after some shivers make me giggle. because it is never them anyway...when I can not be with another soul and just love that moment and feel totally loved and loveable. damn I don't care what is going on " out there " . There is no " out there anymore " . That is a very sweet and safe and loving place to be, not odd at all. I don't always need to be around a lot of people and sometimes I find myself around them. Oh well, here they are! Tonight I will be with around a hundred parents all taking pictures of their kids going off to winter formal. We will have a parent " mixer " and I do not know any of these parents. Wow, here they are! (here I am!~) That abandonment thing is a good one to question. Can anyone really abandon you? You have them in your thinking. the only one that seems to abandon me is me, and yes I have done that a whole lot. I just take off with some story, being " over there " worried about them.and I am really alone without me nurturing or loving me. " Things happen " to me and then I wonder how that could happen! How could I possibly have agreed to all " that " . Where in the Hell was my thinking? Well mostly it was " over there " . Recently something came up in my family. My kid lied about some fairly important things. When I found out I thought shit, I don't even know my own child. I felt " betrayed " that I was loving someone else and not the person I/ she showed me at all. I was very sad. I didn't care about what she had done, I love her. I just wanted a chance to know " her " . She said things to me and did the opposite and we even went on long stories about this " other her " that she showed me. It disturbed me. I was so very sad that she did not let me know the part of her that was just always perfect in my mind. Then I did the work.. Have I ever done that before? Yep. count on it~! We opened up, we started doing the work on a whole lot of things and instead of dread, fear or sadness there was more love than I imagined..love for a child that used to do that too. understanding that it is so hard to love someone that isn't even there~! Yep, did that one too! Abandonment? Oh what a juicy thought! Lovingly, April _____ From: jmknapp74@... Sent: Saturday, January 24, 2004 1:33 PM To: loving-what-is Subject: LAA stuff hi everyone, i must say, i admire the persistance in alot of you! i usually dont do inquiry unless im in some kind of " emergency " situation (not always, but most times), and as soon as the edge is taken off, im like: okay, done! belief still largely intact, just not so up-front in my mind. oh well, no mistake i suppose. anyway, one very OOOOOLD belief that is resurfacing lately is " people don't like me " or " im unlikable " or " something's wrong with me " . im not sure exactly what it is, i just know it's painful, and it causes me alot of stress (especially when im around others). so im going to hack away at it now. IM UNLIKABLE, UNLOVEABLE. 1. is that true? *feels true to me, lately. what is your proof? *ive had people i love (and who claimed to love me) completely abandon me, reject me...just <poof>! gone for good. i feel like an outsider, like i don't fit in with anyone. my conversations feel strained. i feel like i just bug people. so people should not abandon me. 1. is that true? whats the reality of it? *the reality is that people have done that. more than once. so, no. it's not true. 3. how do i react to this belief? *well, i feel something MUST be wrong with me. i compare myself to others who i feel are " better " than me. i feel very lonely and isolated from people. i have dreams of these people abandoning me over and over again. i hate them, i hate myself. i close myself off to possible relationships because a. i feel im not up to the task, and b. i dont want to risk getting hurt like that again. i tell myself im damaged goods. im becoming more and more reclusive and odd. i dont get close to anyone because im afraid they will see how fucked up i am and reject me. i doom myself to rejection, over and over again in life, and in my thoughts. i become depressed and withdrawn. in short, life really sucks with this belief. i can see no peacful reason to hold onto this thought. i see a reason to drop it, to stop fighting it. 4. who would i be without " people should not reject and abandon me? " *definately out of their business! free to let other people do and think exactly what they will without trying to munipulate and cling to anything. open to what's next. letting people flow in and out of my life. less angry for certain. more peaceful. TA> i should not reject myself. yes, alot of the time i hate myself as i am. that is rejection. i try to abandon myself. i should not reject others. yes, i reject closeness with others (before they can do it to me), and it is very lonely. i dont know how NOT to do that, but i do see the turnaround here. people should reject me, until they dont. ouch. " i need you to love me " is a core feeling im picking up here. this is very messy! I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME. 1. is this true? no, i continue surviving without your love. 3. how do i react believing this? sad, lonely. again, " something is wrong with me " . i believe im defective. needy. paralyzed. i shoot myself down before you can. i dont take risks. i feel stupid, ugly. not good enough. i ask what happened? i feel like a giant weight (the past) is chained around me, holding me down, holding me back. scared. lost. finished. no peacful reason to keep this thought. i can see many reasons to let it go. 4. who would i be without " i need you to love me? " *maybe i could forgive you. maybe i could forgive myself and just let it go. maybe alot of other things would drop away as well. i could stop fearing love. i dont know. i see how stubbornly i hold this. lots of pain here. TA> i need me to love myself. love myself. this is seeming completely foreign. i think i have ALWAYS looked at myself through others eyes. yes! i need to see myself as i do when i think YOU love ME. regardless of you! i need to love you, without the condition of you loving me. this would be wonderful. and sad! i dont need your love. apparently not. i need my love. i can see this. okay, thats all for right now. love, jeremy _____ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2004 Report Share Posted January 24, 2004 > 3. how do i react to this belief? *well, i feel something MUST be wrong with me. i compare myself to others who i feel are " better " than me. i feel very lonely and isolated from people. i have dreams of these people abandoning me over and over again. i hate them, i hate myself. i close myself off to possible relationships because a. i feel im not up to the task, and b. i dont want to risk getting hurt like that again. i tell myself im damaged goods. im becoming more and more reclusive and odd. i dont get close to anyone because im afraid they will see how fucked up i am and reject me. i doom myself to rejection, over and over again in life, and in my thoughts. i become depressed and withdrawn. in short, life really sucks with this belief. > > > love, > jeremy Dear , Thank you for doing this work...it made me think about a friend that I love very much and he thinks about himself in this very same way. I used to tell him how much I loved him and he'd look at me like I was nuts and say stuff like *If I were you I wouldn't be my friend....you must be really stupid nne for liking someone like me* or the old Groucho Marx line *I wouldn't join any group that would have me for a member*...it was very hard to be close to someone like this and you give me new insight...thank you. live, nne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2004 Report Share Posted January 24, 2004 It is simple for me too... lets have a work second job saving our world by saving ourselves ... unlikeable people need love ... one logically cannot need ... solution ? need what is ! How else can the world go round ? Love and i need to be kneaded too lol ! On Saturday, January 24, 2004, at 03:32 PM, jmknapp74@... wrote: > hi everyone, > > i must say, i admire the persistance in alot of you! i usually dont > do inquiry unless im in some kind of " emergency " situation (not > always, but most times), and as soon as the edge is taken off, im > like: okay, done! belief still largely intact, just not so up-front > in my mind. oh well, no mistake i suppose. > > anyway, one very OOOOOLD belief that is resurfacing lately is " people > don't like me " or " im unlikable " or " something's wrong with me " . im > not sure exactly what it is, i just know it's painful, and it causes > me alot of stress (especially when im around others). so im going to > hack away at it now. > > IM UNLIKABLE, UNLOVEABLE. > > 1. is that true? *feels true to me, lately. > what is your proof? *ive had people i love (and who claimed to > love me) completely abandon me, reject me...just <poof>! gone for > good. i feel like an outsider, like i don't fit in with anyone. my > conversations feel strained. i feel like i just bug people. > > so people should not abandon me. > 1. is that true? whats the reality of it? *the reality is that > people have done that. more than once. so, no. it's not true. > > 3. how do i react to this belief? *well, i feel something MUST be > wrong with me. i compare myself to others who i feel are " better " > than me. i feel very lonely and isolated from people. i have dreams > of these people abandoning me over and over again. i hate them, i > hate myself. i close myself off to possible relationships because a. > i feel im not up to the task, and b. i dont want to risk getting hurt > like that again. i tell myself im damaged goods. im becoming more > and more reclusive and odd. i dont get close to anyone because im > afraid they will see how fucked up i am and reject me. i doom myself > to rejection, over and over again in life, and in my thoughts. i > become depressed and withdrawn. in short, life really sucks with this > belief. > > i can see no peacful reason to hold onto this thought. > i see a reason to drop it, to stop fighting it. > > 4. who would i be without " people should not reject and abandon me? " > *definately out of their business! free to let other people do and > think exactly what they will without trying to munipulate and cling to > anything. open to what's next. letting people flow in and out of my > life. less angry for certain. more peaceful. > > TA> i should not reject myself. yes, alot of the time i hate myself > as i am. that is rejection. i try to abandon myself. > i should not reject others. yes, i reject closeness with others > (before they can do it to me), and it is very lonely. i dont know how > NOT to do that, but i do see the turnaround here. > people should reject me, until they dont. ouch. > > " i need you to love me " is a core feeling im picking up here. this > is very messy! > > I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME. > > 1. is this true? no, i continue surviving without your love. > > 3. how do i react believing this? sad, lonely. again, " something is > wrong with me " . i believe im defective. needy. paralyzed. i shoot > myself down before you can. i dont take risks. i feel stupid, ugly. > not good enough. i ask what happened? i feel like a giant weight > (the past) is chained around me, holding me down, holding me back. > scared. lost. finished. > > no peacful reason to keep this thought. > i can see many reasons to let it go. > > 4. who would i be without " i need you to love me? " *maybe i could > forgive you. maybe i could forgive myself and just let it go. maybe > alot of other things would drop away as well. i could stop fearing > love. i dont know. i see how stubbornly i hold this. lots of pain > here. > > TA> i need me to love myself. love myself. this is seeming > completely foreign. i think i have ALWAYS looked at myself through > others eyes. yes! i need to see myself as i do when i think YOU love > ME. regardless of you! > > i need to love you, without the condition of you loving me. this > would be wonderful. and sad! > > i dont need your love. apparently not. > > i need my love. i can see this. > > okay, thats all for right now. > > love, > jeremy > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2004 Report Share Posted January 26, 2004 Dear , what's LAA? nice work! I have some questions: > anyway, one very OOOOOLD belief that is resurfacing lately is " people > don't like me " or " im unlikable " or " something's wrong with me " . im > not sure exactly what it is, i just know it's painful, and it causes > me alot of stress (especially when im around others). so im going to > hack away at it now. What is it people should do, so life would be better for you? > IM UNLIKABLE, UNLOVEABLE. Is that really what is causing you pain? This way you are blaming no one but you. It looks to me like adopted thinking: no one likes me, therefore I am unlikable. " Everybody should love me. " How does that feel? If it sounds comforting, It may hurt you to find out it's a lie (in this moment, only when you think they do not) " I am unloveable " , " No one loves me " and " Everybody should love me " all inflict the same source of pain. I find the last one to be the easiest to bework. And with that undone, the others are undone as well. > 1. is that true? *feels true to me, lately. > what is your proof? *ive had people i love (and who claimed to > love me) completely abandon me, reject me...just <poof>! gone for > good. i feel like an outsider, like i don't fit in with anyone. my > conversations feel strained. i feel like i just bug people. What does " abandon " mean? I can not relate to that. Is it: " Everyone should stay with me. " or " Everyone should help me. " ? They have abandoned you. Can you really know that? And can you really know it had been best for you in the long term they had not done what they did? Maybe you can get more useful turnarounds with these? The same goes for rejection. How do you know that someone rejects you? Can you tell us of an occasion in the past where someone rejected you? Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2004 Report Share Posted January 26, 2004 In a message dated 1/26/2004 6:48:28 AM Eastern Standard Time, olli_26@... writes: > Dear , > > what's LAA? > > nice work! i believe it means love, approval and appreciation in " katie-ese " . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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