getting rid of anger

[Guest guest]

Kath wrote >I think that one of my biggest obstacles is that I can't

>forgive

>nada. I think that if I learn to do that - maybe some of the anger

>will recede and I can move on. I have no intention of letting her

>control/dominate my life or of letting her violate my boundaries

>without consequence - but I want to let go of the anger.

I think it will be a lifetime process to really let go of all the

anger and resentment. I am also working on it. Here is an idea given

to me by a therapist. I read him the letter I had written to my mom

(didn't give it to her). It was full of staements about what I hated

about her behavior and character. I pointed out that the letter was

open and good, but that it placed me in a position of powerlessness.

He suggested that I have a little ceremony and burn the letter,

symbolizing letting go of it all. He said, you know who you are, in

the future her statements should just run off like water off a duck's

back. This will also take some time after a lifetime of being a

sponge. But I am working hard and do a lot of self-talk and I do see

some progress in this area. I am slowly moving from anger to more of

a feeling of sadness (I try not to let this dominate my life.) You

definitely need to give yourself a break both literally in time and by

not expecting so much of yourself so fast. I think all of it is

attainable but just takes a lot of processing and time. I feel for

you realizing what you have ahead of you next week. That's a lot to

handle so quickly. I will pray for you and wish you the best. PLEASE

Be good to yourself, Dee

[Guest guest]

gmat60@y...> wrote:

> I am also working on it. Here is an idea given

> to me by a therapist. I read him the letter I had written to my mom

> (didn't give it to her). It was full of staements about what I

hated

> about her behavior and character. I pointed out that the letter was

> open and good, but that it placed me in a position of

powerlessness.

> He suggested that I have a little ceremony and burn the letter,

> symbolizing letting go of it all.

** Thanks - this sounds like a great idea. I've never written a

letter - sent or unsent - but there sure are lots of thoughts running

around in my head - writing should be easy - especially since it can

go in all directions - it only has to make sense to me.

>He said, you know who you are, in

> the future her statements should just run off like water off a

duck's

> back.

** I've things like this - and like you said much harder to do than

to understand that that's what should happen. I guess it just takes

time - and I'll have to keep working and be patient. My therapist sd

much the same thing - and I told her I thought I had learned patience

when my 4-yr old was born - and she laughed and sd this takes way

more patience than a child.

> I am slowly moving from anger to more of

> a feeling of sadness (I try not to let this dominate my life.)

**Wierd - but I am actually trying to get to sadness. I keep hearing

that many people grieve for lack of relationship with nada - and this

is part of the healing process. But I am too darn angry to grieve.

> I feel for

> you realizing what you have ahead of you next week. That's a lot to

> handle so quickly. I will pray for you and wish you the best.

PLEASE

> Be good to yourself, Dee

**Thanks - the support means a lot to me - you be good to yourself,

too

Kath

[Guest guest]

Another email I totally identify with! I've been on no contact for a few

months, and I want to move on, but I know that I need to let some of

this anger go. But I don't want to. I mean, it's a part of me. A

destructive part of me, but it's still there, and I don't know how I'm

going to get over it. I WANT my fada to understand what he's done, and

to pay for it, because he deserves it.

Then again, I love him, because I'm a KO, and he's my dad, no matter how

sick and messed up.

But then again, he's really hurt me!

Gah. Yeah, letting go is going to take a lot. Though the idea of burning

the letter is good. I have two letters I wrote but didn't send. " Dear

Dad, You Suck, " and " Dear Dad, No, really, you suck. " Quite cathartic in

their way, more than telling him not to contact me anymore.

Babbling.

Ping

gmat60 wrote:

> I think it will be a lifetime process to really let go of all the

> anger and resentment. I am also working on it. Here is an idea given

> to me by a therapist. I read him the letter I had written to my mom

> (didn't give it to her). It was full of staements about what I hated

> about her behavior and character. I pointed out that the letter was

> open and good, but that it placed me in a position of powerlessness.

> He suggested that I have a little ceremony and burn the letter,

> symbolizing letting go of it all. He said, you know who you are, in

> the future her statements should just run off like water off a duck's

> back. This will also take some time after a lifetime of being a

> sponge. But I am working hard and do a lot of self-talk and I do see

> some progress in this area. I am slowly moving from anger to more of

> a feeling of sadness (I try not to let this dominate my life.) You

> definitely need to give yourself a break both literally in time and by

> not expecting so much of yourself so fast. I think all of it is

> attainable but just takes a lot of processing and time. I feel for

> you realizing what you have ahead of you next week. That's a lot to

> handle so quickly. I will pray for you and wish you the best. PLEASE

> Be good to yourself, Dee

>

[Guest guest]

Ping,

I would have to guess your sense of humor must help you heal. This

is the second post in a row - where you've made me laugh in spite of

the seriousness of the topic - I really appreciate that!

Ping wrote:

>

>I know that I need to let some of

> this anger go. But I don't want to. I mean, it's a part of me. A

> destructive part of me, but it's still there, and I don't know how

I'm

> going to get over it. I WANT my fada to understand what he's done,

and

> to pay for it, because he deserves it.

**definately have lots of these feelings. I go through thinking that

nada should pay for what she's done - but when I am calm and able to

try to see her side - then I just want her out of my life. I'm

pretty sure from my reading - that most BPD have quite a bit of

suffering in their lives.

>

> Then again, I love him, because I'm a KO, and he's my dad, no

matter how

> sick and messed up.

>

> But then again, he's really hurt me!

>

> Gah. Yeah, letting go is going to take a lot. Though the idea of

burning

> the letter is good. I have two letters I wrote but didn't send.

> " Dear

> Dad, You Suck, " and " Dear Dad, No, really, you suck. " Quite

cathartic in

> their way, more than telling him not to contact me anymore.

**Love the titles of the letters!! thanks for the smiles - needed

them today. ;o)

Kath

> Babbling.

>

> Ping

>

> gmat60 wrote:

>

> > I think it will be a lifetime process to really let go of all the

> > anger and resentment. I am also working on it. Here is an idea

given

> > to me by a therapist. I read him the letter I had written to my

mom

> > (didn't give it to her). It was full of staements about what I

hated

> > about her behavior and character. I pointed out that the letter

was

> > open and good, but that it placed me in a position of

powerlessness.

> > He suggested that I have a little ceremony and burn the letter,

> > symbolizing letting go of it all. He said, you know who you are,

in

> > the future her statements should just run off like water off a

duck's

> > back. This will also take some time after a lifetime of being a

> > sponge. But I am working hard and do a lot of self-talk and I do

see

> > some progress in this area. I am slowly moving from anger to

more of

> > a feeling of sadness (I try not to let this dominate my life.)

You

> > definitely need to give yourself a break both literally in time

and by

> > not expecting so much of yourself so fast. I think all of it is

> > attainable but just takes a lot of processing and time. I feel

for

> > you realizing what you have ahead of you next week. That's a lot

to

> > handle so quickly. I will pray for you and wish you the best.

PLEASE

> > Be good to yourself, Dee

> >