Re: contacting nada's allies

[Guest guest]

people will believe what they WANT to despite the evidence. I have family

der to me that saw the evidence of my nadas insanity even before I did but as

soon as she split them as all good and began to pour the praise on them they

suddennly thought she was fine after all!

I say screw it. I know the hurt and I am living the hurt right now. But

life is so short why waste it trying to make people that should love you, but

must not even know you at all to believe this stuff, come around? In my book

anyone stupid enough to fall for nadas crap and lies over some flattery and

turn their back on me over accusations that have no merit just arent worth my

love, affection or time.

I saw these same people judge and belittle my sister until she hung

herself and I saw them all CRY AND CARRY ON so after she was dead but if you

have

to be DEAD to be appreciated in my family I will pass! But thats me

[Guest guest]

I suppose my nada is a little different than most because she likes

to tell me to whom she has spoken and what negative things she has

said about me. She likes to see the looks of amazement on everyones

face! She has come up with some really wild stories!

I guess I should preface here that I have lived in this town much

longer than my mother and was able to establish a well respected

standing in the community before my mother decided to move closer to

me. I am an only child and after my father passed away, she had no

family left. She had alienated all her family from us by conducting

massive character assasinations on each of them (sister, father,etc)

when I was little. Although I knew full well what she was capable

of, I never thought she would turn her venom on me!!!

Anyway, after having friends of mine come up to me and question what

my mother has said.... I've learned to smile, chuckle and say

something like: Oh yeah...She told me she talked to you the other day

and told you......(whatever).......and she loved the expression that

came over your face! Their standard response, I have found is

usually: " What kind of mother would do something like that! " . To

which I usually respond: " Exactly, what kind of mother would! "

Word has finally gotten around town about my mother and now most

people just shake their head and say with a tone of disgust: " Oh, I

talked to your mother the other day! " . It usually doesn't go any

further than that.

After going through this circle with my mother for about 4 years

now....she finally called me up one day and told me that I wouldn't

believe what was being said about me! She said she " stood up for me "

and told everyone that I would never do anything like that!

In response, I told her that apparently that story she had told about

me 4 years prior and finally come full circle back to her....and that

I was surprised she would have supported me for not being that type

of person when she was the one who had started the story in the first

place!!!LOL

Anyway, now when she informs me that " I'm going to be one very sorry

young lady " . I tell her to go ahead and tell everyone I'm the " child

from hell " . I tell her that I expect her to do it now, and so does

every one else.

As far as I can tell, by giving her permission to do her " character

assassination " , I have taken that " power " away from her.

I know I have lost a few friends because of my mother, but for the

most part I have found that the truth will come out. It's hard to

hang in there sometimes but at least I feel that I've been able to

diffuse my mother without speaking against her to people. By saying

very little, and letting people know that I am fully aware of what my

mother is doing behind my back...I feel I am allowing them to

question her behavior. Again, having other people ask: " What kind of

mother would do that? " , helps me realize that other people realize

that something is abnormal. And I feel that if she " bad-mouths " me

but I don't do it in return when I have the opportunity, that helps

people question what is going on, but I don't leave the conversation

feeling guilty.

I guess, all I can really suggest is to be true to yourself. I've

always felt that if I talk negatively to people about my mother, then

in a way I'm starting to sound like my mother (even if I am defending

myself). My mother keeps referring to life with terms that indicate

she feels life is a game. She plays with vindictiveness. I simply

refuse to play that way.

Good luck.

[Guest guest]

I tried to send a rather lengthy response to this before, but I don't

see where it has posted....so here's an abbreviated version (in case

that one does post)...

In order to counteract my mother's distortion campaign against me, I

now give her permission to do it. By telling her to go ahead with a

character assasination on me, I feel I've taken some of her power

away! I don't tell her this in anger, I simply say (in as business-

like a manner as I can muster) something like: " Now I'm sure you'll

go and tell everyone that I'm the 'daughter from hell'. Go right

ahead. " .

Since I've been doing this, I've found the character assasinations

have decreased.

I have also found that over time, other people (family and friends)

are getting very tired of having to hear my mothers stories.

My mother used to like to tell me what stories she would tell

people...she liked to see the shocked look on thier faces! Now when

anyone says they've talked to my mother, I simply smile, chuckle and

say: " Yes, she told me the story she told you about me and she loved

the reaction she got out of you!!!! " . To that they ususally

respond: " What kind of mother would do that? " I simply say: " Exactly,

what kind of mother would? "

She recently called me up to tell me that I wouldn't believe some of

the stories she had been hearing about me....but she wanted me to

know that she had stood up for me and told everyone that I was not

that kind of person. I told her that yes, I could believe she had

heard those stories. After all, she had started them years prior and

it had simply taken that long for the " gossip " to get back to her!!!

Anyway, good luck. I honestly believe that the truth will come out

eventually. Just be true to yourself and don't stoop to her level.

I don't know if my tactic will work for you or anyone else, but I

feel that at least for me, I've been able to make other's question my

mother's behaviour without actually having to talk badly about her

myself. By admitting to everyone that I know what she is doing

behind my back and trying to see the humor in it (instead of lashing

out at it)I've at least been able to get other's to question her

motives!