new to group

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Welcome to the group. I'm sorry that you need it but this is a wonderful

group of informative and supportive group of people who know exactly how you

feel.

In my opinion, living with chronic pain is a process. You go thru a process

of grieving. I grieve for the person I once was and who I have become. It

is much the same as the process one goes thru with death.

I had dreams and hopes and those are no longer possible. But I do have new

hopes and dreams. I have found ways to be a productive person.

They are not the same as the ones I had before but I hope they are

attainable.

I have been dealing with chronic pain for many years so I have been changing

my life for a while now. There are still days when I want to

give up completely. My daily motto is " This too shall pass! " In our files

for this group I think there is a file about the grieving process for chronic

pain. You might want to check that out.

Welcome to the group.

Kathleen in Calif.

[Guest guest]

I have recently come to the awareness that my mother is a BP. I've

been following this group for a while and have found it very helpful to

hear others' stories, struggles, and triumphs. Naturally, coming to

grips and trying to cope logically with the chaos that has been my life

growing up alone with a BP mother, is not easy.

Then Sunday, my mother told me she was diagnosed with breast cancer in

February, had surgery, and is now undergoing radiation. This may sound

incredibly selfish of me, but right after my concern for her, I felt

ANGRY that she hadn't told me until now. (I'm about to visit her with

my two girls 9 and 13). We have gone through long periods of time with

no contact, but we've been talking regularly on the phone. She has

always made me feel like a bad daughter and this just confirms it for

me. After all, a good daughter would have somehow intuited the fact.

But I am not a bad daughter and no one could intuit breast cancer for

goodness sake. I am torn between concern for her and concern for myself.

My girls and I are going on Wednesday to see my mother and the usual

fear, anxiety and worry is overcoming me. But this time, I have added

the guilt that I didn't know she had cancer, didn't help her, can't

help her. Won't be staying the entire summer.

I know logically that I am not a bad person, but golly, I sure do feel

like one. How do I stop feeling like this??? I am a good mother,

wife, teacher, friend. I try my best, but it is never enough.

[Guest guest]

Hi Lizzy,

Please know that you are not alone. My nada has done

similar things, even when I was present in her home.

When I was visiting her, she went for cataract

surgery. She would not allow me to go with her, b/c

she thought that she could not handle my being

there....Somehow, since I was so rotten, her surgery

would get messed up.

Well...even though I did not go, the surgery was a

disaster and now she is blind in one eye. (BPDs have

self-destructive tendencies, but I won't theorize on

this one here.)

And, last winter, my disabled brother needed surgery.

I wanted to be there and offered. But, nada said,

" Come visit in the Spring, when the weather is nice. "

So, she would not let me be there for my brother's

surgery. He is fine now.

So, my point is that, nadas like to alienate their

children, especially at times of dramatic illness.

That's when they get to inflict the most guilt.

Lizzy, you are not bad. Your nada, like all our

nadas, is mentally ill. Even if you were in contact

with her, my bet is that she would still find a way to

alienate you in her time of surgery, douse you with

guilt, and make you feel miserable.

What nada dislikes about herself, she dumps upon you.

So, the feelings that nadas make us feel are the parts

of themselves that they despise. There's nothing wrong

with you. There's a lot wrong with your nada.

Big Hugs,

Lula

--- lizzyq278 wrote:

> I have recently come to the awareness that my mother

> is a BP. I've

> been following this group for a while and have found

> it very helpful to

> hear others' stories, struggles, and triumphs.

> Naturally, coming to

> grips and trying to cope logically with the chaos

> that has been my life

> growing up alone with a BP mother, is not easy.

>

> Then Sunday, my mother told me she was diagnosed

> with breast cancer in

> February, had surgery, and is now undergoing

> radiation. This may sound

> incredibly selfish of me, but right after my concern

> for her, I felt

> ANGRY that she hadn't told me until now. (I'm about

> to visit her with

> my two girls 9 and 13). We have gone through long

> periods of time with

> no contact, but we've been talking regularly on the

> phone. She has

> always made me feel like a bad daughter and this

> just confirms it for

> me. After all, a good daughter would have somehow

> intuited the fact.

> But I am not a bad daughter and no one could intuit

> breast cancer for

> goodness sake. I am torn between concern for her and

> concern for myself.

>

> My girls and I are going on Wednesday to see my

> mother and the usual

> fear, anxiety and worry is overcoming me. But this

> time, I have added

> the guilt that I didn't know she had cancer, didn't

> help her, can't

> help her. Won't be staying the entire summer.

>

> I know logically that I am not a bad person, but

> golly, I sure do feel

> like one. How do I stop feeling like this??? I am

> a good mother,

> wife, teacher, friend. I try my best, but it is

> never enough.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

____________________________________________________

Yahoo! Sports

Rekindle the Rivalries. Sign up for Fantasy Football

http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

Hi, Kathy and welcome to the group. Just wanted to let you know that

your full name is showing up, unless that's a " pen name. " I had the

same problem when I first signed on.

Anyway, welcome! I'm feeling a bit blue today, but just wanted to say

" hi " and congratulations on making the decision about no contact. It's

kinda hard to come to that decision and sometimes it's even harder to

stick with it, but I am finding that it's really worth it. Hugs to

you. We're here for you. -Joy

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone,

I just joined the group! I was recently diagnosed (last week) with EN

the cause being what we think is from the use of Oral Contraceptives.

My legs aren't too bad (thank goodness!) but I do have swelling in my

ankles. My doctor perscribed " water pills " (Apo-Furosemide) to reduce

the swelling. Has anyone else had this experience?? I don't know why

but I am a little apprehensive to take them even though they are very

low does (20 mg) and I am only going to take them for 10 days.

If anyone has any input that would be helpful I would appreciate it.

Thanks !!

[Guest guest]

Welcome Ronda!

This is exactly what my doctor did for me at first. He took me off

of my birth control pills (Yasmin, for the record) and gave me a

generic water pill for the ankle swelling. The prescription pills

are MUCH better and safer than over the counter ones. I have been

taking mine for nearly 4 months now, because the first time I got

off of it, my ankle got all swollen again and looked like my skin

was going to burst open! I decided then that I wasn't going to stop

the water pills until the EN went away. You just have to make sure

that you drink plenty of fluids, and have your doctor check your

potassium level if you stay on the water pill longer than the 10

days because water pills are potassium-sparing drugs and you might

need a supplement, which you can only get by prescription (also a

generic med.).

Unfortunately for me, when i stopped the birth control, the EN kept

getting worse, so that wasn't the cause for me. Still haven't found

a cause 6 months later. I hope it is the BC for you! Oftentimes,

waiting for the EN to pass and starting a different form of BC works

well. You are in my thoughts!

-Caty

[Guest guest]

Hi Caty,

Thank you so much for your kind message. I appreciate your keeping

me in your thoughts. I too hope that it is the BC that has caused

this. I also have a wisdom tooth that has been hurting and could

possibly have an infection there - so that could be the cause as

well. However I started my BC about a month ago (got through the

first cycle) so to be on the safe side my doctor is taking me off

the BC for now. I have an appointment with the Dental surgeon next

week and will probably have my wisdom teeth out in the next month or

so - so that could possibly (I HOPE!!) clear up the EN as well.

I appreciate your reassurance about taking the water pills. So far

so good !!!

Did you start taking another type of BC ?? I was on Linessa which is

supposed to be a very low dose....so not sure if I should try again

with BC after this or not. I guess I'll see if the EN clears up.

You are in my thoughts as well and I hope yours clears up and you

find a resolution/solution !!!

Take Care !!

~ Ronda ~

>

> Welcome Ronda!

>

> This is exactly what my doctor did for me at first. He took me

off

> of my birth control pills (Yasmin, for the record) and gave me a

> generic water pill for the ankle swelling. The prescription pills

> are MUCH better and safer than over the counter ones. I have been

> taking mine for nearly 4 months now, because the first time I got

> off of it, my ankle got all swollen again and looked like my skin

> was going to burst open! I decided then that I wasn't going to

stop

> the water pills until the EN went away. You just have to make

sure

> that you drink plenty of fluids, and have your doctor check your

> potassium level if you stay on the water pill longer than the 10

> days because water pills are potassium-sparing drugs and you might

> need a supplement, which you can only get by prescription (also a

> generic med.).

>

> Unfortunately for me, when i stopped the birth control, the EN

kept

> getting worse, so that wasn't the cause for me. Still haven't

found

> a cause 6 months later. I hope it is the BC for you! Oftentimes,

> waiting for the EN to pass and starting a different form of BC

works

> well. You are in my thoughts!

> -Caty

>

[Guest guest]

I haven't gotten on another form of BC yet, because it isn't a major priority for me right now. I was using it more for the regularity than for protection...so I can hold off a bit longer. I am not even sure if my Gyn. will want me to try another one before the EN clears up completely. I will find out next month when I go in for my annual. Heh.

If your Dr. reccommends a specific kind of BC, let me know so I can suggest it to mine!

-Caty "Time is an ocean of endless tears" - Simon

Re: New to Group

Hi Caty,Thank you so much for your kind message. I appreciate your keeping me in your thoughts. I too hope that it is the BC that has caused this. I also have a wisdom tooth that has been hurting and could possibly have an infection there - so that could be the cause as well. However I started my BC about a month ago (got through the first cycle) so to be on the safe side my doctor is taking me off the BC for now. I have an appointment with the Dental surgeon next week and will probably have my wisdom teeth out in the next month or so - so that could possibly (I HOPE!!) clear up the EN as well. I appreciate your reassurance about taking the water pills. So far so good !!! Did you start taking another type of BC ?? I was on Linessa which is supposed to be a very low dose....so not sure if I should try again with BC after this or not. I guess I'll see if the EN clears up. You are in my thoughts as

well and I hope yours clears up and you find a resolution/solution !!! :)Take Care !!~ Ronda ~ >> Welcome Ronda!> > This is exactly what my doctor did for me at first. He took me off > of my birth control pills (Yasmin, for the record) and gave me a > generic water pill for the ankle swelling. The prescription pills > are MUCH better and safer than over the counter ones. I have been > taking mine for nearly 4 months now, because the first time I got > off of it, my ankle got all swollen again and looked like my skin > was going to burst open! I decided then that I wasn't going to stop > the water pills until the EN went away. You just have to make sure

> that you drink plenty of fluids, and have your doctor check your > potassium level if you stay on the water pill longer than the 10 > days because water pills are potassium-sparing drugs and you might > need a supplement, which you can only get by prescription (also a > generic med.).> > Unfortunately for me, when i stopped the birth control, the EN kept > getting worse, so that wasn't the cause for me. Still haven't found > a cause 6 months later. I hope it is the BC for you! Oftentimes, > waiting for the EN to pass and starting a different form of BC works > well. You are in my thoughts!> -Caty>