Re: Euphoria & Depression

[Guest guest]

> I'm 39, male, married, have three great kids, and I'm a professional

> programmer.

Welcom to the group Victor. I am 38 (almost 39), married with three

childen and a stay at home mom. I also was dxed bipolar and am

currently taking Lamictal to help with mood swings but I have periods of

depression still where you may not see me post. When my youngest son

was sent for testing for AS, I read everything I could get my hands on

and saw myself. I recently read Tony Attwood's, The Complete Guide to

Asperger's Syndrome and REALLY saw myself and my son in the

descriptions but alas I have not been dxed and my son's dx was NVLD. I

do see more than just the NVLD in my son and the reason the phyciatrist

told me he did not score for autism was his good eye contact and that he

had no difficulty talking to each of the testors.

> Do you experience

> euphoric feelings when you get to do your special interest for a long

> period of time (like many hours) and/or do you feel depressed when

> you can't or won't get access to your special interest?

Yes, yes, and yes!

Kim

[Guest guest]

" I'm 39, male, married, have three great kids, and I'm a professional

programmer. "

There are at least two other programmers posting here.

" When I'm doing my special interest(s), I tend to get very energized

and I feel quite euphoric. However, I don't feel that my special

interest will ever result in helping my family financially, so I have

tried to quit it many times. "

Take my advice: Trying to quit whatever it is won't work. Indulge

yourself. Just don't let it consume you to the point where it

detracts from your ability to provide for you and your family.

" Anyway, when I have tried to change my special interest to something

more productive, I become very, very depressed. I get so depressed

that I can't go to work. "

That's because you are basically trying to amputate an essential part

of yourself with which you cannot survive. It's an impossibnility.

Deleting your special interest is literally the equivalent of losing

a finger, a hand, or an arm.

" Do you experience euphoric feelings when you get to do your special

interest for a long period of time (like many hours) and/or do you

feel depressed when you can't or won't get access to your special

interest? "

The special interest is called a perseveration, and yes, I know the

feeling you are talking about. I get it when I write, when I paint,

and even when i am researching the autism spectrum podcasts Raven and

I put out. When I am writing, I feel as if I can write forever. Food,

water, sleep mean nothing to me. They seem like annoyances. I feel a

clamness, a serenity. A sort of comfortable detachment when I am

perseverating. Others here may have expressed something similar in

the past and I look forward to hearing what they have to say once

more.

Welcome to the group.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

Welcome to our group, Victor. I'm Raven, a single entrepreneurial

mom with AS raising a child with AS, 7 related co0morbidities and an

additional non-related disability.

Victor wrote: " ... <snip> ... I have a nephew - 17 yrs old - who

everyone in the family says he acts and behaves just like I did as a

child, and they're convinced he has Asperger's, but he doesn't care

to get diagnosed, so they don't push it ... <snip> ... "

Good for them for not pushing to get your nephew a diagnosis since he

does not feel the need for one. Respect of another's wishes is

always important, in my opinion. :-)

Victor wrote: " ... <snip> ... Anyway, here's my question: Do you

experience euphoric feelings when you get to do your special interest

for a long period of time (like many hours) and/or do you feel

depressed when you can't or won't get access to your special

interest? ... <snip> ... "

I wouldn't say I am euphoric but I will tell you that I am very

settled and content when I am in my element. When I am kept away

from my perseverative interests (one of which has become my career),

I am less able to cope with the ongoing stresses and challenges of

every day life.

When I have had to go weeks without my perseverative interests

accessible to me, I have become progressively more quiet and sad.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure that I would call it euphoric in my case, but when I pursue my interests, my anxieties and such are much lessened. It is more an absence of feeling with me, sort of a zen thing maybe. Changing them does cause depression as does being away from them for a while.

Fortunately I too make a decent income and so can spend time following my interests.

When I'm doing my special interest(s), I tend to get very energized and I feel quite euphoric. However, I don't feel that my special interest will ever result in helping my family financially, so I have tried to quit it many times. Btw, I make a pretty good income, so I don't need to make more money. I just would like my special interest to be more productive. Anyway, when I have tried to change my special interest to something more productive, I become very, very depressed. Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

I'm familiar with this. I do some fiction writing too. Now and then I get into a reading spell where I'll read a few novels. Like you say, this is partly for research since I observe the writer's methods and how they handle scenes, dialog, characters and such. Then there are times when I will write a lot. Then there are the times when I kind of burn out and get depressed.

Like you said also, I often have trouble following a storyline to completion. The last one I worked on I got pretty far, but then stopped and haven't written anything for a few weeks.

A large part of the problem is that my interests will shift. For a while I'll get really interested in a subject and study about it, think about it and so on with whatever time I can get. Eventually, I'll switch over to something else with a sort of chaotic period in between where part of my mind clings to the old interest wanting to finish my projects there, but another part wants to move on to the new interest. The new almost always wins out in the end. This is sort of what happens with my stories too. I'll work for a while on one line but then the next line eventually creeps in, they compete for a while and finally the new one wins out. I'm going to try to get back to the old one, however, so I can finish up the cycle.

This happens in non-writing interests as well.

Anyway, here's an example of why my Ups and Downs are so confusing to me. A few months ago, I went through a spell were I read several series of books in a row. I like to write ficiton, and I considered it fun research. However, I felt like I was spending too much time on my special interest, and thought that I should take a break from it for a few months. I had just finished the first novel in the Dune series, which I liked a lot, and decided that I would take a break starting the next day.Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

I also tend to finish building physical things that I am working on. Then again, most of them have been things that I could finish up pretty quickly anyway, like a few hours or so.

There have only been a few novels that I haven't finished, mostly because they turned out to be badly written or poorly executed. Most I can finish up easily enough or push my way through, usually because I am interested in one or two of the characters and will wade through the poor story to see what happens to them. Once read a trilogy that was only mediocre, but I got through it because I liked one of the characters, even though they were a second stringer. The first stingers were very cardboard and uninteresting but some of the bit players were better developed.

I usually finish the stories I write. Usually though I write as a series of connected short stories (can never remember the literary term for that). If I start one short story I almost always finish it. It is completing a story cycle that is hard.

When I build or put things together that are physical, I almost always finish them. Of couse, I'm usually following a guide book or instructions. Also, I almost always finish novels or stories that I start reading. However, I have started writing dozens of stories, which is my special interest, and I have yet to finish one.Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

Video games for a very long time have serves that purpose for me. The challenges and such were always intersting to overcome. Very often there was enough variability in the games to play them over and over again and they were be different enough to keep my attention. For example: the old Baldur's Gate series was like that. You could play different character types and have different adventuring parties. Each such change would alter the game dynamics. There were a couple of characters that I like to keep around, especially Baldur's Gate 2. Those were Minsc, the deranged ranger, Keldorn the paladin and Aerie, the elven wizard/cleric. The others I would rotate through, but I usually had those three. The Civilization series was interesting too, but you always play to the exact same ending, and on the higher difficulties, you get put on land forms that are so bad, no one in their right mind would settle there.

Most other games though are rather tedious. I like Call of Duty, the levels are so fixed that you quickly learn how they go. Still, they can throw surprises at you now and then, just not all that often. I've even learned how to get through a couple of them more murderous spots on some levels without taking many hits. Well, all except one level where the game is clearly flawed. I mean, you throw a grenade right where the bad guy is hiding, it blows up but he still pops out to shoot you anyway. Very annoying, and no it isn't at one of those infinite respawn points.

Other times though it will be music, or reading. Writing usually is just something I do, but it doesn't have the same effect as playing the games or the other things.

In a message dated 4/29/2008 7:19:35 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

Some of that may be that Aspies need to fire their neurons and dendrites every once in a while. We all have our various Narnias that we delve into. For some it is books. For others it is writing. For still others it is music, video games, or what have you. A loss of those things for some reason can and does produce fatigue.AdministratorNeed a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

It is also not uncommon to cycle through them. For me, one interest will "Burn" for a while then go out when something else takes it place. Usually it is only one thing at a time, but sometimes related interests can be burning at the same time.

In a message dated 4/29/2008 7:33:34 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

It is usual for Aspies to have more than one perseverative interest and it is also usual for Aspies to have more than one project going at any given time. They tend to want to do things "right" and so they may take a long time to do whatever it is they are working on.Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

I have had a couple of short stories published, but only in the college literary magazine. I used to send things out for publication to magazines, but there problem has been one of "you have to be published to get published." I've more or less solved that, but still the prolific writers flood the magazines, often under pseudonyms, so that further complicates things. So mostly I write just to write for myself and not to get published. Maybe if I put together enough to make a novel, maybe I'll send it out and see what happens.

In a message dated 4/29/2008 7:43:04 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

I have completed many short stories and novellas since then and have completed one novel. None of these are published because most of them are in dire need of revision, which I find odious. For me, the stories are done once they are birthed from my mind to the page, and so I have a hard time getting back to them to revise them properly, and for the most part, none of my unpublished works can be published without revision. Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

"Take my advice: Trying to quit whatever it is won't work. Indulge yourself."

Yeah. Seems like I would have figured this out by now. I wish I could choose/change my special interest. However, it doesn't seem to be an option. Every time I try to quit, I shut down.

"Just don't let it consume you to the point where it detracts from your ability to provide for you and your family."

Balancing my special interest is a challenge. Thankfully, my children enjoy stories. My son and I just finished the Chronicles of Narnia, and we're starting on Tolkien's writings. He's also becoming interested in writing stories. My daughters like stories too: Dora, Magic Treehouse, etc..

"That's because you are basically trying to amputate an essential part of yourself with which you cannot survive. It's an impossibnility. Deleting your special interest is literally the equivalent of losing a finger, a hand, or an arm."

good analogy.

"The special interest is called a perseveration, and yes, I know the feeling you are talking about."

hmmm. I've read about the term - perservation - somewhere in my research on Asperger's. However, I guess I didn't pay as much attention to it as I should have. It seems like I have more balanced energy when I can access my special interest every 3 or 4 hours. I like to do it before work, lunch time, after work and later in the evening...if possible.

"When I am writing, I feel as if I can write forever. Food, water, sleep mean nothing to me"

I can relate. When I'm reading or writing fiction, time seems to fly. The rest of the time seems to go by very slowly.

Re: Euphoria & Depression

"I'm 39, male, married, have three great kids, and I'm a professionalprogrammer."There are at least two other programmers posting here. :)"When I'm doing my special interest(s), I tend to get very energizedand I feel quite euphoric. However, I don't feel that my specialinterest will ever result in helping my family financially, so I havetried to quit it many times."Take my advice: Trying to quit whatever it is won't work. Indulge yourself. Just don't let it consume you to the point where it detracts from your ability to provide for you and your family."Anyway, when I have tried to change my special interest to something more productive, I become very, very depressed. I get so depressed that I can't go to work."That's because you are basically trying to amputate an essential part of yourself with which you cannot survive. It's an impossibnility. Deleting your special interest is literally the equivalent of losing a finger, a hand, or an arm."Do you experience euphoric feelings when you get to do your special interest for a long period of time (like many hours) and/or do you feel depressed when you can't or won't get access to your special interest?"The special interest is called a perseveration, and yes, I know the feeling you are talking about. I get it when I write, when I paint, and even when i am researching the autism spectrum podcasts Raven and I put out. When I am writing, I feel as if I can write forever. Food, water, sleep mean nothing to me. They seem like annoyances. I feel a clamness, a serenity. A sort of comfortable detachment when I am perseverating. Others here may have expressed something similar in the past and I look forward to hearing what they have to say once more.Welcome to the group.Administrator

[Guest guest]

Hey Kim,

You may get this response twice. I replied once via my email

software.

Thanks for the reply.

I am not positive that I don't have bipolar. However, my Ups and

Downs seem to be tied to being able to access or not being able to

access my special interest. It's a very weird experience to me, and

not completely clear cut.

Fiction is one of my main special interests. When I was a child, I

had a hard time with fiction, and I read very little fiction unless

it was required by school. Then, when I was 19, I joined the Army,

and found that I had a lot of free time at night during training.

Most of the other guys were at the bars or dance halls. I was married

and very religious, so I didn't opt for that. One of my friends

suggested reading novels and he suggested Lord of the Rings. I tried

it, and I liked it. It didn't become my special interest for a long

time, but it was building. My main interest at the time was the

Bible, which I read all the time. Over the past 7 or 8 years, it has

become my main special interest.

Anyway, here's an example of why my Ups and Downs are so confusing to

me. A few months ago, I went through a spell were I read several

series of books in a row. I like to write ficiton, and I considered

it fun research. However, I felt like I was spending too much time on

my special interest, and thought that I should take a break from it

for a few months. I had just finished the first novel in the Dune

series, which I liked a lot, and decided that I would take a break

starting the next day. The next morning when I awoke, I was extremely

exhausted and I felt quite depressed, and unable to go to work. The

fatigue was incredible. I stayed in bed most of the time. That was on

a Thursday. I was exhausted for the rest of Thursday, and most of

Friday. I didn't go to work. I just stayed in bed for most of the

day. I had felt good about my decision to cut back on fiction reading

and writing, and no mournful thoughts crossed my mind about not

getting to read the next book in the Dune series. Early Friday

evening, I thought about the Dune series for the first time in two

days, and thought I'd get the next book since I was too exhausted to

work or study for my programming certification or do anything

productive with the family. Right after I called the book store and

they confirmed that they had the second book in the Dune series, I

started feeling better. By the time I got to the book store, I was

wired with energy. I had energy for quite some time. Again, I don't

recall pining at all for my fiction interest/addiction during my down

time nor did I think that getting the next Dune book would cure my

depression. I had written off my depression to being Bipolar.

However, all of sudden, I was full of energy. This has happened more

times than I can remember. If I had been consciously mourning losing

access to my ficiton interest, it would make sense to me. However,

it's like there is a disconnect between my desire to continue my

interest and my conscious thoughts. I just felt exhausted. No sad

thoughts crossed my mind. very strange.

>

> > I'm 39, male, married, have three great kids, and I'm a

professional

> > programmer.

>

> Welcom to the group Victor. I am 38 (almost 39), married with three

> childen and a stay at home mom. I also was dxed bipolar and am

> currently taking Lamictal to help with mood swings but I have

periods of

> depression still where you may not see me post. When my youngest

son

> was sent for testing for AS, I read everything I could get my hands

on

> and saw myself. I recently read Tony Attwood's, The Complete

Guide to

> Asperger's Syndrome and REALLY saw myself and my son in the

> descriptions but alas I have not been dxed and my son's dx was

NVLD. I

> do see more than just the NVLD in my son and the reason the

phyciatrist

> told me he did not score for autism was his good eye contact and

that he

> had no difficulty talking to each of the testors.

>

>

> > Do you experience

> > euphoric feelings when you get to do your special interest for a

long

> > period of time (like many hours) and/or do you feel depressed when

> > you can't or won't get access to your special interest?

>

>

> Yes, yes, and yes!

>

> Kim

>

[Guest guest]

" Take my advice: Trying to quit whatever it is won't work. Indulge

yourself. "

Yeah. Seems like I would have figured this out by now. I wish I could

choose/change my special interest. However, it doesn't seem to be an

option. Every time I try to quit, I shut down.

" Just don't let it consume you to the point where it

detracts from your ability to provide for you and your family. "

Balancing my special interest is a challenge. Thankfully, my children

enjoy stories. My son and I just finished the Chronicles of Narnia,

and we're starting on Tolkien's writings. He's also becoming

interested in writing stories. My daughters like stories too: Dora,

Magic Treehouse, etc..

" That's because you are basically trying to amputate an essential

part

of yourself with which you cannot survive. It's an impossibnility.

Deleting your special interest is literally the equivalent of losing

a finger, a hand, or an arm. "

good analogy.

" The special interest is called a perseveration, and yes, I know the

feeling you are talking about. "

hmmm. I've read about the term - perservation - somewhere in my

research on Asperger's. However, I guess I didn't pay as much

attention to it as I should have. It seems like I have more balanced

energy when I can access my special interest every 3 or 4 hours. I

like to do it before work, lunch time, after work and later in the

evening...if possible.

" When I am writing, I feel as if I can write forever. Food,

water, sleep mean nothing to me "

I can relate. When I'm reading or writing fiction, time seems to fly.

The rest of the time seems to go by very slowly.

>

> " I'm 39, male, married, have three great kids, and I'm a

professional

> programmer. "

>

> There are at least two other programmers posting here.

>

> " When I'm doing my special interest(s), I tend to get very energized

> and I feel quite euphoric. However, I don't feel that my special

> interest will ever result in helping my family financially, so I

have

> tried to quit it many times. "

>

> Take my advice: Trying to quit whatever it is won't work. Indulge

> yourself. Just don't let it consume you to the point where it

> detracts from your ability to provide for you and your family.

>

> " Anyway, when I have tried to change my special interest to

something

> more productive, I become very, very depressed. I get so depressed

> that I can't go to work. "

>

> That's because you are basically trying to amputate an essential

part

> of yourself with which you cannot survive. It's an impossibnility.

> Deleting your special interest is literally the equivalent of

losing

> a finger, a hand, or an arm.

>

> " Do you experience euphoric feelings when you get to do your

special

> interest for a long period of time (like many hours) and/or do you

> feel depressed when you can't or won't get access to your special

> interest? "

>

> The special interest is called a perseveration, and yes, I know the

> feeling you are talking about. I get it when I write, when I paint,

> and even when i am researching the autism spectrum podcasts Raven

and

> I put out. When I am writing, I feel as if I can write forever.

Food,

> water, sleep mean nothing to me. They seem like annoyances. I feel

a

> clamness, a serenity. A sort of comfortable detachment when I am

> perseverating. Others here may have expressed something similar in

> the past and I look forward to hearing what they have to say once

> more.

>

> Welcome to the group.

>

>

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

" When I have had to go weeks without my perseverative interests

accessible to me, I have become progressively more quiet and sad. "

hmmm. I have a hard time going a day or two without mine, and then I

shut down, and I have a hard time doing anything productive. If I

have access to my special interest every day, I stay pretty wired.

Maybe my case is exteme. Kim implied that her situation is similar.

" ... <snip> ... Anyway, here's my question: Do you

> experience euphoric feelings when you get to do your special

interest

> for a long period of time (like many hours) and/or do you feel

> depressed when you can't or won't get access to your special

> interest? ... <snip> ... "

>

> I wouldn't say I am euphoric but I will tell you that I am very

> settled and content when I am in my element. When I am kept away

> from my perseverative interests (one of which has become my

career),

> I am less able to cope with the ongoing stresses and challenges of

> every day life.

>

> When I have had to go weeks without my perseverative interests

> accessible to me, I have become progressively more quiet and sad.

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

> " When I have had to go weeks without my perseverative interests

> accessible to me, I have become progressively more quiet and sad. "

>

> hmmm. I have a hard time going a day or two without mine, and then I

> shut down, and I have a hard time doing anything productive. If I

> have access to my special interest every day, I stay pretty wired.

> Maybe my case is exteme. Kim implied that her situation is similar.

It's likely that the special interest thing is like anything else and

varying in intensity/quantity for each AS person.

As for me I've managed to add several things but in general my

special interest is _making_ things.

Making wood items, making computers, making music (though I have no

confidence in my voice), making stories (I have one started), making

electronic circuits...

Hmm...I seem a bit scattered there...I'm betting that's why I find it

hard to finish the things I make. That and I'd prefer to finish it

_right_ and not half-asped. ;-)

Anyway I can go a week or so without having to do anything special

but after that I tend to become seriously grumpy.

--

Mike

MARS NEEDS CHOCOS! - Martian Manhunter

[Guest guest]

" Making wood items, making computers, making music (though I have

no

confidence in my voice), making stories (I have one started),

making electronic circuits...

Hmm...I seem a bit scattered there...I'm betting that's why I find

it hard to finish the things I make. "

When I build or put things together that are physical, I almost

always finish them. Of couse, I'm usually following a guide book or

instructions. Also, I almost always finish novels or stories that I

start reading. However, I have started writing dozens of stories,

which is my special interest, and I have yet to finish one. Finishing

a story doesn't seem as important to me as getting to write what I'm

interested in writing at the moment. When I write, I'm usually trying

out a technique or a concept. Once I have had a chance to try it or

take it for a spin. I start something else. Writing a complete story

is something I plan on doing some day.

>

> > " When I have had to go weeks without my perseverative interests

> > accessible to me, I have become progressively more quiet and

sad. "

> >

> > hmmm. I have a hard time going a day or two without mine, and

then I

> > shut down, and I have a hard time doing anything productive. If I

> > have access to my special interest every day, I stay pretty wired.

> > Maybe my case is exteme. Kim implied that her situation is

similar.

>

> It's likely that the special interest thing is like anything else

and

> varying in intensity/quantity for each AS person.

>

> As for me I've managed to add several things but in general my

> special interest is _making_ things.

>

> Making wood items, making computers, making music (though I have

no

> confidence in my voice), making stories (I have one started),

making

> electronic circuits...

>

> Hmm...I seem a bit scattered there...I'm betting that's why I find

it

> hard to finish the things I make. That and I'd prefer to finish

it

> _right_ and not half-asped. ;-)

>

> Anyway I can go a week or so without having to do anything special

> but after that I tend to become seriously grumpy.

> --

> Mike

>

>

> MARS NEEDS CHOCOS! - Martian Manhunter

>

[Guest guest]

" My main interest at the time was the Bible, which I read all the time.

Over the past 7 or 8 years, it has become my main special interest. "

If you ever want to talk about Christian topics, there is always the

Christian Aspie forum...

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/TheChristianAspieForum/

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" If I have access to my special interest every day, I stay pretty wired.

Maybe my case is exteme. Kim implied that her situation is similar. "

It varies from Aspie to Aspie.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" Hmm...I seem a bit scattered there...I'm betting that's why I find it

hard to finish the things I make. That and I'd prefer to finish it

_right_ and not half-asped. ;-) "

It is usual for Aspies to have more than one perseverative interest and

it is also usual for Aspies to have more than one project going at any

given time. They tend to want to do things " right " and so they may take

a long time to do whatever it is they are working on.

To others, their work areas (if they are the kind who assemble and

disassemble things) may look jumpled and confusing, but Aspies do have

a grasp of where everything is, and can work efficiently despite the

disorganization.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" However, I have started writing dozens of stories,

which is my special interest, and I have yet to finish one. Finishing

a story doesn't seem as important to me as getting to write what I'm

interested in writing at the moment. When I write, I'm usually trying

out a technique or a concept. Once I have had a chance to try it or

take it for a spin. I start something else. Writing a complete story

is something I plan on doing some day. "

To date I have published two short stories. Up until that point, I was

doing what you were doing. Trying out different ideas and topics,

trying different genres, trying to find a voice, and...shoot....just

having fun.

I have completed many short stories and novellas since then and have

completed one novel. None of these are published because most of them

are in dire need of revision, which I find odious. For me, the stories

are done once they are birthed from my mind to the page, and so I have

a hard time getting back to them to revise them properly, and for the

most part, none of my unpublished works can be published without

revision.

The other mode of publication are the Midnight In Chicago podcasts at

www.mic.mypodcast.com . These I find enjoyable to create because they

don't need much revision at all, and they are recorded in audio format.

They are as valid a form of publication as any other, I believe.

My feeling is that Aspies have so many ideas no matter what they do

that they are eager to keep exploring, keep creating, keep manipulating

whatever it is they like to do, so they have a hard time finishing one

thing before moving to another.

With writing, the time for me to FINISH a peice is when I have finished

exploring everything I want to do with it.

also writes and may have a few things to say about all this.

Raven also. We each compose differently, but on some level, I think

most Aspies function similarly when it comes to creativity.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

Raven wrote: " When I have had to go weeks without my perseverative

interests accessible to me, I have become progressively more quiet

and sad. "

Victor wrote: " hmmm. I have a hard time going a day or two without

mine, and then I shut down, and I have a hard time doing anything

productive. If I have access to my special interest every day, I stay

pretty wired. Maybe my case is exteme. Kim implied that her situation

is similar. "

I don't think your case is extreme. I just can't afford the luxury of

allowing myself to do what is natural to me when I cannot access my

perseverative interests.

It's exceedingly difficult to haul a piano into a hospital room in

pediatrics which is where Cub has spent considerable time over the

years.

It's equally impossible to make time sometimes for my perseverative

interests when earning an income, delivering therapies to my child,

advocating for autism, growing my own projects and initiatives, et al

have the inside priority track.

If I allow myself to falter too much, as a single parent, this does

NOT look good to other people in authority who have the power to

cause problems for my son and me by way of false reports to Child

Protective Services or to Mental Health Services.

Shutting down because I cannot access my perseverative interests

endangers everything for my child ergo I cannot afford this luxury.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

Mike wrote: " Making wood items, making computers, making music

(though I have no confidence in my voice), making stories (I have one

started), making electronic circuits... Hmm...I seem a bit scattered

there...I'm betting that's why I find it hard to finish the things I

make. "

Victor wrote: " When I build or put things together that are physical,

I almost always finish them. Of couse, I'm usually following a guide

book or instructions. Also, I almost always finish novels or stories

that I start reading. However, I have started writing dozens of

stories, which is my special interest, and I have yet to finish one.

Finishing a story doesn't seem as important to me as getting to write

what I'm interested in writing at the moment. When I write, I'm

usually trying out a technique or a concept. Once I have had a chance

to try it or take it for a spin. I start something else. Writing a

complete story is something I plan on doing some day. "

I can't imagine NOT finishing something I have started. Yes, it

might take me some time to complete a project but I cannot imagine

having it sit there for any length of time unfinished. That would

aggravate my peacefulness to no end.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

The psychiatric nurse practitioner part of me has to reply here.

Bipolar Disorder is too easily diagnosed nowadays; it's

the " diagnosis dujour " ....could have to do with all the new meds that

the pharmaceutical companyies want to market. Anyway, a key part of

the diagnosis is that the mood swings are not explained by any other

underlying diagnosis...e.g. AS in your case. also goes through

horrible anxiety and depression if he tries to limit his time in his

areas of interest, or conversely if he tries to get himself to focus

on something he's not interested in. While if truly disabling

medication can treat the symptoms, the first line is always to

try " nonpharmaceutical " methods...as you did!

> >

> > > I'm 39, male, married, have three great kids, and I'm a

> professional

> > > programmer.

> >

> > Welcom to the group Victor. I am 38 (almost 39), married with

three

> > childen and a stay at home mom. I also was dxed bipolar and am

> > currently taking Lamictal to help with mood swings but I have

> periods of

> > depression still where you may not see me post. When my youngest

> son

> > was sent for testing for AS, I read everything I could get my

hands

> on

> > and saw myself. I recently read Tony Attwood's, The Complete

> Guide to

> > Asperger's Syndrome and REALLY saw myself and my son in the

> > descriptions but alas I have not been dxed and my son's dx was

> NVLD. I

> > do see more than just the NVLD in my son and the reason the

> phyciatrist

> > told me he did not score for autism was his good eye contact and

> that he

> > had no difficulty talking to each of the testors.

> >

> >

> > > Do you experience

> > > euphoric feelings when you get to do your special interest for

a

> long

> > > period of time (like many hours) and/or do you feel depressed

when

> > > you can't or won't get access to your special interest?

> >

> >

> > Yes, yes, and yes!

> >

> > Kim

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Tom...Another " aha " moment. is also a talented writer; one of

his biggest problems in school has always been not editing his

papers. I think I have a better understanding of what goes on for

him than I did before...

>

> " However, I have started writing dozens of stories,

> which is my special interest, and I have yet to finish one.

Finishing

> a story doesn't seem as important to me as getting to write what I'm

> interested in writing at the moment. When I write, I'm usually

trying

> out a technique or a concept. Once I have had a chance to try it or

> take it for a spin. I start something else. Writing a complete story

> is something I plan on doing some day. "

>

> To date I have published two short stories. Up until that point, I

was

> doing what you were doing. Trying out different ideas and topics,

> trying different genres, trying to find a voice,

and...shoot....just

> having fun.

>

> I have completed many short stories and novellas since then and

have

> completed one novel. None of these are published because most of

them

> are in dire need of revision, which I find odious. For me, the

stories

> are done once they are birthed from my mind to the page, and so I

have

> a hard time getting back to them to revise them properly, and for

the

> most part, none of my unpublished works can be published without

> revision.

>

> The other mode of publication are the Midnight In Chicago podcasts

at

> www.mic.mypodcast.com . These I find enjoyable to create because

they

> don't need much revision at all, and they are recorded in audio

format.

> They are as valid a form of publication as any other, I believe.

>

> My feeling is that Aspies have so many ideas no matter what they do

> that they are eager to keep exploring, keep creating, keep

manipulating

> whatever it is they like to do, so they have a hard time finishing

one

> thing before moving to another.

>

> With writing, the time for me to FINISH a peice is when I have

finished

> exploring everything I want to do with it.

>

> also writes and may have a few things to say about all

this.

> Raven also. We each compose differently, but on some level, I think

> most Aspies function similarly when it comes to creativity.

>

>

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

I just had a thought, Raven. Perhaps the reason so many people can't

understand how passionately we advocate for our children is that

we've made a conscious decision for them to become our " special

interest.... " not in terms of meeting our own needs, but in terms of

helping our children to reach their own goals and be all they want to

be (for me...helping to achieve, as well as helping to be

pain free during his last days? weeks? months? on earth) I think most

NT people have difficulty understanding that passion, because they've

never felt it in a sustained way before. " hmmm. I have a hard time going a day or two without

> mine, and then I shut down, and I have a hard time doing anything

> productive. If I have access to my special interest every day, I

stay

> pretty wired. Maybe my case is exteme. Kim implied that her

situation

> is similar. "

>

> I don't think your case is extreme. I just can't afford the luxury

of

> allowing myself to do what is natural to me when I cannot access my

> perseverative interests.

>

> It's exceedingly difficult to haul a piano into a hospital room in

> pediatrics which is where Cub has spent considerable time over the

> years.

>

> It's equally impossible to make time sometimes for my perseverative

> interests when earning an income, delivering therapies to my child,

> advocating for autism, growing my own projects and initiatives, et

al

> have the inside priority track.

>

> If I allow myself to falter too much, as a single parent, this does

> NOT look good to other people in authority who have the power to

> cause problems for my son and me by way of false reports to Child

> Protective Services or to Mental Health Services.

>

> Shutting down because I cannot access my perseverative interests

> endangers everything for my child ergo I cannot afford this luxury.

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

" I just had a thought, Raven. Perhaps the reason so many people can't

understand how passionately we advocate for our children is that

we've made a conscious decision for them to become our " special

interest.... " not in terms of meeting our own needs, but in terms of

helping our children to reach their own goals and be all they want to

be (for me...helping to achieve, as well as helping to be

pain free during his last days? weeks? months? on earth) I think most

NT people have difficulty understanding that passion, because they've

never felt it in a sustained way before.--- "

I think the whole Midnight In Chichago thing started out of Elyse

realizing that we needed to do more for Cub and people like him. I'm

doing it because I keep reading horror stories in online forums and

want to help out in some way.

It does become an obsession sometimes.

Administrator