Re: A Question for Edith

[Guest guest]

miki09112001 wrote:

> Edith, is the inability to stand silence a symptom of BPD? My mother

> has to have the radio or TV (or both) on ALL the time. She cannot

> stand silence. She claims she just likes listening to the radio, but

> it's more than that. She even has the radio on when she's in the

> shower! She plugged the thing in next to a wet sink (not too bright)

> and I had to remind her that electricution in the bathroom is a pretty

> common cause of death.

> So she moved the radio to her bedroom and cranked it up so she could

> hear it. She even has the thing on (low volume) as she's falling

> asleep.

> I told her once that she was trying to block out the voices in her

> head. She dismissed what I said, but I really wonder if there's a

> grain of truth to it. The minute she gets in anyone's car, she asks to

> put the radio on -- or she'll rudely do it herself without asking

> permission. Then she pouts when the owner of the vehicle reprimands

> her for being so rude. She hates riding with me because I prefer

> silence.

Hi Miki,

Both my BPD/NPD nada and my BPD/NPD hubby had to have the radio turned

on continuously (both night and day). It was like the radio was their

" stream of consciousness " - otherwise they had no thoughts of their own.

My nada listened to religious programs (she was either in the living

room on the couch or in bed) whereas my hubby paced from one end of the

house to the other during the day and had a radio in each room tuned to

the same news programs. At night the radio by his bed was tuned to radio

talk shows.

The din was awful!

- Edith

Gal Friday on Randi's WelcomeToOz Family of NonBP Email Support Groups

[Guest guest]

Hey there,

Well, I'm not Edith, but I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone! My

mother cannot STAND silence. She doesn't watch T.V. because God forbid she sat

still, but she can't shut-up. I'm a person who really enjoys mediation and

solitude as it was my only escape from the family fights, so sometimes I just

like to be quiet. My mother drives me crazy on car rides or wherever we are

together because she can't sit in the silence. I think the silence just forces

them to be with themselves and they can't stand the thought of doing that,

especially since they don't know who their self is. Last week on vacation I was

going for a walk, wanting to take in the morning sun and ocean, she insisted on

coming with me, but I said I really just wanted to be alone. I knew if she came

she couldn't take in the beauty that was so important for me to see. It's like

she skips right over it by talking nonsense, gossip, or how " philisophical " she

is. It's very sad actually.

Thanks!

Farrah

miki09112001 wrote:

Edith, is the inability to stand silence a symptom of BPD? My mother

has to have the radio or TV (or both) on ALL the time. She cannot

stand silence. She claims she just likes listening to the radio, but

it's more than that. She even has the radio on when she's in the

shower! She plugged the thing in next to a wet sink (not too bright)

and I had to remind her that electricution in the bathroom is a pretty

common cause of death.

So she moved the radio to her bedroom and cranked it up so she could

hear it. She even has the thing on (low volume) as she's falling

asleep.

I told her once that she was trying to block out the voices in her

head. She dismissed what I said, but I really wonder if there's a

grain of truth to it. The minute she gets in anyone's car, she asks to

put the radio on -- or she'll rudely do it herself without asking

permission. Then she pouts when the owner of the vehicle reprimands

her for being so rude. She hates riding with me because I prefer

silence.

Watching TV is my mother's drug of choice. She'll watch it for hours,

often not comprehending what she's watching. She'll just stare at it,

especially after we've had an argument, refusing to make eye contact

with me and glaring at it. Now she's watching TV in the dark.

Her behavior is getting more and more bizarre.

..

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

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---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

LOL! Our nada's are TWINS! Long lost!

This is exactly my nada- yak, yak, yak. And the t.v. blaring ALL the

time. And three hour long phone conversations! That is something

that I have not missed since having little contact with her this

last year.

Di.

Hey there,

Well, I'm not Edith, but I just wanted to tell you that you're not

alone! My mother cannot STAND silence. She doesn't watch T.V.

because God forbid she sat still, but she can't shut-up. I'm a

person who really enjoys mediation and solitude as it was my only

escape from the family fights, so sometimes I just like to be

quiet. My mother drives me crazy on car rides or wherever we are

together because she can't sit in the silence. I think the silence

just forces them to be with themselves and they can't stand the

thought of doing that, especially since they don't know who their

self is. Last week on vacation I was going for a walk, wanting to

take in the morning sun and ocean, she insisted on coming with me,

but I said I really just wanted to be alone. I knew if she came she

couldn't take in the beauty that was so important for me to see.

It's like she skips right over it by talking nonsense, gossip, or

how " philisophical " she is. It's very sad actually.

Thanks!

Farrah

[Guest guest]

Now see that's me. I have to have tunes playing in the car or talk radio

and the tv going in the house.

Silence is scary to me because out of silence was when my nada would sneak

up on me. LOL you would think in a house of kids and dogs and other such

sundry items I would crave a little silence.

We didn't have a tv when I was young and the record player was an old

antique player belonging to my dad's family she wouldn't touch it. Matter

of fact most of my life with her there was no tv in the house. My brother

and I bought a used one once from babysitting and paper route money. LOL it

lasted two months. I would take my brother and sister with me to baby sit

so they could see a tv show or two some times.

The only sound in our house was my mother's voice.

This idea that hating the " sounds of silence " is a BPD trait kind of scares

me.

[Guest guest]

Countrymom,

We can find BPD traits in everyone. It is the degree to which they

appear that makes a person BPD. A BP seems to use the sound to create

their stream of consciousness. It doesn't sound like that is what

you are doing.

I know I use the TV often as a distraction. I use it to drown out

the negative nada-voice that is in my head, as it is always ready to

criticize whatever I do. As I have been able to recognize and weaken

that voice, I experiment with turning of the TV. The silence is

becoming more pleasant.

I have found that getting a balance between what my nada in excess

because of BPD and what I am doing for any number of reasons is a

challenge. To really be comfortable with myself, I feel I have to be

comfortable with those parts of me that are also like nada. I'm

working on it!

{{{Hugs}}}

Sylvia

> Now see that's me. I have to have tunes playing in the car or

talk radio

> and the tv going in the house.

> Silence is scary to me because out of silence was when my nada

would sneak

> up on me. LOL you would think in a house of kids and dogs and

other such

> sundry items I would crave a little silence.

> We didn't have a tv when I was young and the record player was an

old

> antique player belonging to my dad's family she wouldn't touch it.

Matter

> of fact most of my life with her there was no tv in the house. My

brother

> and I bought a used one once from babysitting and paper route

money. LOL it

> lasted two months. I would take my brother and sister with me to

baby sit

> so they could see a tv show or two some times.

> The only sound in our house was my mother's voice.

> This idea that hating the " sounds of silence " is a BPD trait kind

of scares

> me.

[Guest guest]

I think that's exactly what I do Sylvia try to drown out the voice of my

nada. I do try turning it off especially when I am the only human in the

house. LOL I am never alone in the house. ;-)

There are times when I even play the music my mother most dislikes, and get

out my bagpipes and make an unholy racket ;-)

It's sort of a take that! This is the music I like and I am having fun with

it. Heck I have even taught my dogs to enjoy it. I do realize that it's

bad for all of us and I try to have some tv free hours with the kids so that

other things can go on. Imagine what a Nada would think watching a couple

of children marching around the house with drums banging, clarinets bleating

and dogs jumping and following them around. LOL it would drive her nuts and

I love every minute of it so maybe I am not too like my nada. Oh and just

have to join in with the toy piano! ;-) Ok guess I will stop worrying

about that flea for the moment.