Re: Re: Pat Yourself on the Back

[Guest guest]

thanks Miki,

So true...Funny thing is though that I don't have any

children or grand children. I guess it was too

painful for me, and maybe for selfish reasons, I chose

to have a never-ending childhood as an adult, because

that was taken away from me when I was five years old.

So grandma Lula has to re-grand-parent herself (LOL).

What I've been experiencing since coming to this Group

has been quite painful. And you're right, we all

deserve a pat on the back and a big group hug for

being here.

Every day I get more out of this group than I ever did

in therapy. I read Edith's post again and again.

There's so much more info here to actually help us

heal. The therapists I saw either were ignorant, or

just keeping some big secret from me.

I hope that you have a nice rest of the weekend, Miki.

Hmmmmm.....maybe your nada will disappear for a few

days. Maybe she would like to visit my nada (LOL).

-Lula

--- miki09112001 wrote:

> Lula, whenever you get down on yourself, remember

> this: You had the

> guts to do what your mother and her family never did

> -- admit there

> was a problem and worked toward solving it.

>

> By doing so, you have closed the book on what has

> been a very

> dysfunctional volume in your family's life story.

> You are starting

> another book, and taking your family down a healthy

> path. Many times

> we forget how our actions affect people. Your

> decision not to sweep

> your mother's behavior under the rug will pay off

> dividends that you

> cannot begin to imagine now.

>

> It may your grandchildren who come to you and see

> the distinct

> difference between Grandma Lula and great-grandma.

> Even if great-

> grandma is no longer around, you can tell them what

> she was like and

> why she wasn't in your life. If children are told

> why something

> occurs instead of just that it has, then they

> understand. They are

> capable of understanding far more than we give them

> credit for. If

> you just say that you and your nada had no contact,

> they'll wonder

> why. They might think there's something wrong with

> you. But if you

> explain why there was no contact, then they get it.

> Children are

> hurt so much when they're lied to or not told the

> total truth.

>

> Everyone who comes to this board should be applauded

> for admitting

> there is a big problem in their families. How many

> others are out

> there in cyberspace who'd love to say the same

> things, but don't have

> the courage, and instead medicate themselves with

> liquor, drugs,

> food, overwork, obsession with appearance, sex or

> shopping? Denial

> is never a good alternative.

>

> Ignoring problems does not make them go away.

> Often, they become

> worse. What happens when you fail to make repairs

> on your car or

> your home? It will cost a lot more when you do.

> What if you ignore

> a toothache? Instead of just having that tooth

> pulled, you may have

> to undergo a very painful root canal procedure.

> What if you have

> high blood pressure and don't take your medicine,

> watch your diet,

> monitor your cholesterol levels and exercise? You

> might very well

> have a heart attack and have to undergo bypass

> surgery. Or you might

> have a stroke that will leave you permanently

> damaged -- or six feet

> under -- at a young age. The " what ifs " go on and

> on.

>

> The minister I referred to in a previous post said

> this: " Therapy is

> a lot like surgery. It's very painful at first, but

> think about how

> much better you'll feel once you've healed. "

>

> It takes a strong person -- a leader -- to admit a

> problem. A

> terrific example is former First Lady Betty Ford.

> Admitting she had

> a drinking problem and an addiction to prescription

> drugs led to her

> establishing The Betty Ford Center near Palm

> Springs, California.

> How many people have been helped because of her

> courageous decision

> to speak out? She spoke out again when she was

> diagnosed with breast

> cancer. How many lives did she save because of

> that?

>

> What about the late Princess of Wales admitting she

> had an eating

> disorder? Or actor J. Fox admitting he had

> Parkinson's

> Disease? Or former President Clinton admitting he

> ignored symptoms

> of heart disease until he was just weeks away from a

> major (and

> probably fatal) heart attack? These people have

> helped countless

> others by speaking out. was afraid his

> career would be over

> once Hollywood knew he had Parkinson's. But he

> couldn't stay

> silent. He had to let people know what he was

> fighting.

>

> A reporter asked President Clinton if his doctors

> were at fault for

> not discovering his blocked arteries. Bill said no

> -- he took full

> responsibility for that because he had had symptoms

> that something

> was wrong and ignored them. (And by the way, I'm a

> Republican, so

> the fact that I'm giving Bill applause says a lot!!)

>

> The point here, Lula, is that you need to pat

> yourself on the back.

> You're doing something that 90% of the population is

> too afraid to

> do -- confront something very painful and unpleasant

> in your life.

>

> Give yourself a lot of credit for that. I do.

>

> Miki

>

>

>

> >

> > > First of all, Lula, you did NOT cause the

> accident.

> > > No one has that

> > > kind of power. My nada blames me for things she

> did

> > > before I was

> > > born. I don't have such influence, and I'd be

> > > deluding myself if I

> > > thought I did.

> > >

> > > Second, your nada's failure to say she loves you

> may

> > > simply be that

> > > she can't. People who've put up such barriers

> do so

> > > out of fear. My

> > > mother is afraid of intimacy. That's why she's

> > > created a life that's

> > > a lie. She can't deal with who she really is.

> Your

> > > mother cannot be

> > > vulnerable. It's too frightening. And maybe

> > > expressing love wasn't

> > > something she saw in her own parents. Children

> do

> > > live what they

> > > learn. If you think about it, it's a huge step

> to

>

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