Guest guest Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 > ............Last > > year I decided to come back to give my child a chance to know her > > family and experience American culture. My husband was very > > supportive - and my parents offered that we could stay with them. > I > > probably should have known it wouldn't work - was warned by my > > sisters that I didn't know what I was getting into - and did it > > anyway. > > > > Recently my child and I moved out - nada was saying inappropriate > > things to the kids and just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't > > handle it well - was very angry - and actually tried to reason with > > her - wanted her to see the inappropriateness of her behavior. I > > have to say at that time - I didn't know if she was ill or just > mean - > > and although experience should have taught me that reason wouldn't > > work - I always have that hope. > > ******You have every right to be angry when someone - and a > grandmother at that - is acting inappropriately around your > children. One of the hardest things that I have had to do was give > up the hope that my nada would someday, someway, somehow change her > behavior because she finally recognized how inappropriate and wrong > it was. Nope - that is not going to happen in my lifetime. > > > > Nada is not allowed on my property at this time - had to call the > > police to enforce this because she wouldn't accept my boundries. I > > told her she couldn't see my child unless we talked with a > therapist - > > I wanted some reassurance that she would behave appropriately > around > > my child - now after reading - not sure if this will do any good. > > She refused to meet with me and just showed up - I wouldn't let her > > in - it wasn't pretty. > > *****No, its not pretty when you have to defend yourself against > someone who is not respecting your boundaries. But I don't think you > could have done anything else. > > > > My family thinks I am too harsh - maybe I am - right now all I feel > > is anger - I'm seeing a therapist to try to help me deal with my > > anger and help modify my reactions to her - I have such a hard time > > staying calm when she rages. > > *****I know some people seem to be able to do this - but I know I > could not. Also, I think the dynamics are different when the BP is > our parent. We are not in a chosen relationship with this person, > and the effects of a BP parent upon children is horrible. We have to > heal ourselves of that first, before we can think of being calm while > nada rages. > > Hopefully between SWOE and therapy the > > support here - I will find my own way. > > ****We are all here, trying to find our own way - but helping each > other in the process. > > > > Thanks for listening. > > > > Kath > > ****TAke care, > Sylvia > > > > > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 17, 2004 Report Share Posted November 17, 2004 Chs, Thanks for your kind words - the last sentence really touched me. Sometimes I just feel mean - and I've come to a place where I don't always feel loving - and that makes me feel bad about myself. Nada told me that she would be better if her family was around her - and I was denying her that - my response was that my child and I were my first concern - not her. And it's true - and I think it should be that way - but still feel bad. Wish I could get my heart to understand as much as my head does. Kath > > Hi Kath, > > Welcome to the list. Please post as often as you need, and don't > worry about how long your messages are. Many of us find that > messages are very very useful at the beginning stages. Don't worry > about others thinking you are harsh--it is not only your right but > your duty to protect yourself and your kids FIRST from any harm that > might come to all of you. And remember that the stuff nada would > have you feel guitly for not participating in is really only stuff > that would feed her pathologies, her personal demons, and so it's > actually more loving for you to NOT give nada what she wants. > > Cheers > Chs > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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