The Great Silence

[Guest guest]

I never thought I would play the devils advocate on anything in here but I

guess this is a little different. My sister hung herself this past January.

She left a four year old daughter behind. She left alot of wrecked people

behind with that. Maybe this one time the silence could have been the best

thing

for you. I know, it does not seem like that now because you are a grown up.

But what really would there have been gained from knowing that earlier?

I dont know. How do you even begin to tell a child or teen or even young

dult, their parent killed themself when they were a little toddler? Thats

something my family now has to look forward to...and I dont know how anyone is

going

to find the answers for that.

When is young too young to know? When is old to old to know? Its easier

to look back and have all the right answers for people who walked a different

mile in a different pair of shoes...But I think the truth is that there are

some situations so bad there isnt a " right " time or way, because anything

could turn out to feel like the wrong thing.

My daughter is not even two yet and I already wonder about so many

things... what will I tell my children of my childhood? The only good memorys I

have are of a sister that hung herself. If I Talk about her, will they ask

where

she is? I can just say , " Shes in Heaven. " Thats the only explanation we

could find fitting for my four year old niece.

What do I say when my daughter gets older id she asked how her aunt got

there? What do we say to my niece when she ask? You just cant tell a kid

something like that. Its hard to tell an adult.

Yeah one day this young generation will have to learn the truth , but

there is no rush. Maybe one day when my daughter is thirty or maybe even forty

I

will tell her how my sister died. She will need to know that , to really

know me because of how much it has changed me . I dont even think my niece

should be told the awfull details until she is thirty or so.

Maybe it was too painfull for your mother to have to face the subject of

the father of her child killing himself and leaving her to raise a baby

alone. My nieces father moved away to Tenn and left his daughter to be raised

by

his mother, I suspect she is just too much a reminder of her mother and what

her mother has done. ( But I never much liked him anyway before this )

Different people react in strange ways to suicide.

Im am sure your mother has given you plenty of reasons to be dissapointed

in her behavior. But maybe this one wasnt to hurt you...

In a message dated 8/6/2004 12:58:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

mghue_82@... writes:

Has anyone else experienced The Great Silence? This is what I label

how my nada treats me. There are so many things, from major to

really minor items that I have never been told. A major one would be

that my father killed himself when I was about 1 and 1/2 years old; I

was given the circumstances (VERY brief description and after I was

40 years of age) to the giving of all my clothes to my cousins.

Mother mailed boxes of my clothes to my cousins ALL of my childhood.

I did not know this until I met them two years ago when I visited

them. We are close enough in age to collected social security.

EVERYTHING was a secret. I have felt that my nada abuse toward me

was SILENCE and lots of it.

[Guest guest]

You know what Di? There are some things you dont just " get over " .

In a message dated 8/6/2004 2:31:51 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

backchat@... writes:

Yes, my Nada has issues/events that are forbidden to talk about. It

has always occured to me that it was very immature and unhealthy for

her to hold in so much emotion about a subject. My way of dealing

with things is more of a " deal with it and get over it-don't let it

ruin the rest of your life " - life is too short. I still can't ask

Nada about her first marriage (to my birthfather) and that ended

over 38 years ago.

[Guest guest]

Yes, my Nada has issues/events that are forbidden to talk about. It

has always occured to me that it was very immature and unhealthy for

her to hold in so much emotion about a subject. My way of dealing

with things is more of a " deal with it and get over it-don't let it

ruin the rest of your life " - life is too short. I still can't ask

Nada about her first marriage (to my birthfather) and that ended

over 38 years ago.

I am not so sure that the handing down of clothes is really a

secretive thing. I am finding out with my 10 year old that he is

already not remembering some of the events of his childhood- I know

that he does not know that I sent boxes of outgrown clothes to my

cousin. He was little, and really, he could have cared less where

his old clothes went too. I will never throw away good clothes. I

always find a needy or welcoming recipient for them. Do you think

that your Nada did this with evil intent, or was she just doing

something that Moms do, and that it was something that you didn't

know or care about because you were a kid? Just wondering...do I

need to make it a point to tell my son that I have handed down his

clothes?

Di