Re: Just found out...

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi all -

>

> I just found out last night that my mom died Wednesday night. I'm

> pretty much in shock -- checked out with bouts of sadness.

Hi,

My mom died this past April, very suddenly, and I too received a

phone call for I hadn't spoken with her in a year. LOTS of feelings,

mostly shock in the beginning. I underestimated the impact it would

have on me and it has been a difficult grieving process with lots of

complex feelings. In the first month I too felt the love from her

that I didn't feel while she was here and that was confusing. I have

struggled trying to reconcile who I feel/believe she is now vs. who

she was here. I am glad that you are feeling some peace. Take care

and keep posting,

> My mom never did speak to me again after everything that happened

at

> the wedding last year. But I believe that the memories that are

> coming up are her messages to me -- and they're all very loving.

It

> feels like the BPD has been stripped away, and what's left are the

> truly loving impulses that got distorted by the disease. I know

that

> from this place, she would not have chosen to die with silence

> between us.

>

> The most powerful moment so far is a memory of when she told

me, " No

> one will ever love you as much as I do. " I'm sure you can imagine

> that when she said it, it felt a little creepy. But last night, I

> experienced it simply, beautifully, and profoundly -- yes, no one

> will love me as much as she does because she's my *mom*. All I

felt

> was the deep sense of how it's supposed to work between mothers

and

> their kids.

>

> Over the summer, as I started accepting that she might never speak

> with me again, I wanted to write a letter saying anything I felt I

> needed to say (for my own sake) before she died. And I found that

> all I wanted to write was a thank you for all the gifts she *did*

> give me (such as always knowing she loved me -- I'm lucky that

way).

> When I remembered last night that I'd written that letter, I was

SO

> grateful that I had. It is one of many examples where I seem to

have

> known intuitively that this was coming, even though the timing was

a

> shock.

>

> If you have any warm thoughts to spare for me and my family, I'd

> appreciate them. Thanks for all the support you give to everyone

on

> this list.

>

> peace,

> journeywork

[Guest guest]

Dear Journeyworks,

I am sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I am glad that you have

some nice memories and that you sent that letter.

I will keep you, your partner, and your family in my thoughts and

prayers. I wish for you, strength, to get through the next few

weeks...death and all the emotions it stirs up can be so draining.

Especially when you may have already felt stress at the holidays.

Take care of yourself, first and foremost.

Di.

[Guest guest]

Journeyworks,

this is the 4 time I am trying to find the words to express my

feelings for you and your family. It is not easy, because of the

lanquage barrier I have and because it never is easy to find the

right words in situations like these.

You post touched me deeply! I am sorry for your loss but because I

believe your really are getting loving messages from your mother,

enjoy those messages and really feel them. Write the feelings on

paper, so you can remember them for the rest of your life. You

mourning will be a time when you get something you may never really

have believed to be true or even possible to be able to get.

The insight you have is something real and comforting and it shows

how important it is for us to learn to believe in the messages we get

from ourselves and our gut. I have lost my insight at least for a

while, but I know I will find it again someday.

My thoughts are with you and your family,

hugs BM

[Guest guest]

Journeywork -

I just want to add my voice to all those who've said it already - my

sincerest condolences to you and your family. I'm glad you are

feeling those loving memories from her now, and that you were able

to send her that letter. Sending warm thoughts, strength, and

comfort your way.

>

> Hi all -

>

> I just found out last night that my mom died Wednesday night. I'm

> pretty much in shock -- checked out with bouts of sadness. We're

> headed out tonight to be with the rest of my family. My partner

has

> been fantastic support -- she keeps reminding me that my only job

is

> to breathe. It's harder than it sounds.

>

> My mom never did speak to me again after everything that happened

at

> the wedding last year. But I believe that the memories that are

> coming up are her messages to me -- and they're all very loving.

It

> feels like the BPD has been stripped away, and what's left are the

> truly loving impulses that got distorted by the disease. I know

that

> from this place, she would not have chosen to die with silence

> between us.

>

> The most powerful moment so far is a memory of when she told

me, " No

> one will ever love you as much as I do. " I'm sure you can imagine

> that when she said it, it felt a little creepy. But last night, I

> experienced it simply, beautifully, and profoundly -- yes, no one

> will love me as much as she does because she's my *mom*. All I

felt

> was the deep sense of how it's supposed to work between mothers

and

> their kids.

>

> Over the summer, as I started accepting that she might never speak

> with me again, I wanted to write a letter saying anything I felt I

> needed to say (for my own sake) before she died. And I found that

> all I wanted to write was a thank you for all the gifts she *did*

> give me (such as always knowing she loved me -- I'm lucky that

way).

> When I remembered last night that I'd written that letter, I was

SO

> grateful that I had. It is one of many examples where I seem to

have

> known intuitively that this was coming, even though the timing was

a

> shock.

>

> If you have any warm thoughts to spare for me and my family, I'd

> appreciate them. Thanks for all the support you give to everyone

on

> this list.

>

> peace,

> journeywork