Nada-Therapy Session #5

[Guest guest]

Nada-Therapy Session #5

Today we met for our fifth session. I was about five minutes late,

and when I arrived Nada was catching the therapist up on her latest

crisis with her FOO. (She recently visited her father and got into an

argument with her equally and probably more PD brother who flicked

her in the face with a towel. She packed her bags and got a plane

home that day. She is the victim yet again---and may really be---

I'll never know.) She continued to talk about her crisis for about

10 more minutes and therapist finally put us back on track.

I am working to be more authentic in my sessions—really say what I

feel as the feeling emerge. I am working on my fear of being

completely honest with Nada. This is a big Catch 22 though. When I

do express my feelings truthfully (and gracefully as this girl knows

how!), I am met with defensive, critical, distorted, childish, and

angry responses from Nada. So naturally, I tend to gloss over things

with her.

The T brought up communicating by telephone rather than email. I

expressed that I wasn't a big fan of talking on the phone to Nada

just yet. I explained that conversations (from the past when we were

in regular contact) with her tend to be long and I have never been

successful at wrapping up the conversation without offending her.

Sometimes I would tell her I have to go and she would either keep

talking or pout and snip, " Oh, well, BYE.—clink— " I also expressed

that because of my busy schedule during the school year, I would

often multi-task when I was talking on the phone with her (mostly

listening and saying uh-huh a lot), and she would get exasperated if

she heard me doing dishes or something. Then I explained that our

conversations tended to be one-sided, usually her venting about some

crisis or relative or something negative and often it became

repetitive and unpleasant. I told Nada that I felt more comfortable

either meeting for an hour for a walk or lunch OR emailing because I

think we communicate more effectively.

Nada became very defensive and said she would never burden me with

conversation about relatives again because I obviously didn't care

about them (distortion) and " frankly, is not someone I would

turn to for support. She's very prickly and hostile (projection) "

The T tried to help her see that my criticism was a gift, a way for

her to understand me better and improve our relationship. She

brought up the roast-beef thing again… the T re-explained that it

wasn't about roast-beef or the dog, it was about me having my wishes

respected. Same old stuff, guys.

At the end of the session, Nada said, I'm not calling her, the ball's

in her court. She ended our contact, and the ball's in her

court. " (those clichés again) I said, " No, the ball is not in my

court. It took both of us to get in the relational mess, and it will

take work from both of us to get out. The ball is in nobody's

court. " And I am amazed again at how utterly selfish and blind Nada

is.

I was so frustrated when we left, I just wanted to weep. It just

seems so futile. She really thinks she has got it all together. She

is so self-righteous and superior, it sickens me.

Yeah, I don't think any progress was made today. She has 5 more

sessions to show me some evidence that she can see a problem on her

end. I mean she really thinks its everybody else, and I mean

everybody! There's no one left except her shallow friends who have

no idea who they are having lunch with once a month if you know what

I mean.

OK, thanks for listening. It helps me to unravel these sessions and

sharing the outcome. Thanks guys!

Blessings,