Guest guest Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 Yes, I have my own thoughts on why I tend to be a perfectionist. First, it was my way of survival as a child. I was surrounded by chaos. Our house was always cluttered with stuff, clean but messes everywhere. My room was a haven...I would keep it extremely tidy, much to Nada's dismay, I believe. Even when I would visit my Grandparents for the weekend, I would tidy the things in the guest bedroom. I think it was a way to make myself feel comfortable, and to feel like I had the tiniest bit of control over my life. You all know, that as a child in a BP household we have little control over what happens to us. Even now, when we stay at Nada's, I can't be there long because I start to feel claustophobic by her huge amount of disarray. Also,at my house I frequently toss things, or clean out closets. I know that someday, when Nada dies I will have to clean out her whole big house. Ugh. As for the arguement thing...as a child I can clearly remember seeing that the way Nada did things/handled situations was wrong. When I tried to correct her, I was told that I was an insulent little bitch and that I was a smart mouth. Remember, Nada was NEVER wrong, so how dare a young girl to see the truth of the matter! Nada also had to ALWAYS have the last word. Literally, she had to be the one to utter the last verbalization in a conversation. That drove me insane. I tested the theory as a teenager, and could not believe her ability to make sure she made the last sound...even if it was a grunt as she left the room. And like Dan's Nada, whenever I wanted to argue a point with Nada, I was shut out. As an adult, I do tend to want things done my way, but I am also conciously working on changing that, daily. It can be a struggle, but I have made progress over the years. Like when my husband does the dishes, he makes a big, wet mess. It used to drive me nuts, but now I just go in the other room until he is done. I am so happy that he is cleaning the kitchen, so why have a petty arguement over how the mess is cleaned. LOL! Di. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 > First, it was my way of survival as a child. I was surrounded by > chaos. Our house was always cluttered with stuff, clean but messes > everywhere. ours too. It wasn't " dirty " but stuff everywhere. My home now is almost always clean..no clutter...but I'm not a perfectionist.... > Even now, when we stay at Nada's, I can't be there long because I > start to feel claustophobic by her huge amount of disarray. same here !! They can never find anything...then my puppy gets into stuff and I get yelled at ! >Also,at > my house I frequently toss things, or clean out closets. not here..I have a terrible habit of shoving things into closets LOL Like Fibber McGee's closet...if you open it, everything comes crashing down LOL..I don't like clutter out in the open, but throwing things away is very hard for Steve, so it gets shoved somewhere. We have a 3 bedroom ranch house with 5 other rooms and 2 full baths and it's not big enough for the two of us LOL We were toying with the ide of moving so we'd have more land for the horses, but the thought of packing all our stuff and hauling it to a new place convinced us we're just fine where we are :-) It's a nice house and we've done a LOT of work on it. >I know that > someday, when Nada dies I will have to clean out her whole big > house. Ugh. Oh, me too..I'm thinking of maybe torching it...it will take years to sift through it all... > As for the arguement thing...as a child I can clearly remember > seeing that the way Nada did things/handled situations was wrong. me too ! > When I tried to correct her, I'm the youngest, so I knew better after seeing what happened to my siblings.. > I tested the theory as a teenager, and could not believe her > ability to make sure she made the last sound...even if it was a > grunt as she left the room. Oh, same here...we must be sisters !! > Like when my husband does > the dishes, he makes a big, wet mess. It used to drive me nuts, but > now I just go in the other room until he is done. I used to get stressed if Steve put the wrong colored glasses together ( nada had a way of doing things and it HAD to be done that way or I was waken up at midnight and forced to redo the whole kitchen, linnen closet, or whatever, even if only 1 thing was done wrong) I kept telling myself it doesn't matter...and now it really doesn't :-) I am so happy that > he is cleaning the kitchen, so why have a petty arguement over how > the mess is cleaned. LOL! exactly :-) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 > Well, you can hire somebody to go in there and take > everything out to the trash dumpster. > > If you *choose* to go in and go through the stuff, that is > fine!! But no, you don't *have to*. > > ===== > Hope thanks, I'll keep this in mind. I'm the executor of their estate, so I'd be responsible...and the thought just sickens me... Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 backchatting wrote: > As an adult, I do tend to want things done my way, but I am also > conciously working on changing that, daily. It can be a struggle, > but I have made progress over the years. Like when my husband does > the dishes, he makes a big, wet mess. It used to drive me nuts, but > now I just go in the other room until he is done. I am so happy that > he is cleaning the kitchen, so why have a petty arguement over how > the mess is cleaned. LOL! Hi Di, Ho ho... This, 'controlling/overcontrolling' flea was my BIGGEST flea before I learned about BPD. I got the controlling/overcontrolling flea from my nada. She was my most important role model during my growing up years. My nada controlled/overcontrolled because she FEARed being out of control. BPs like ppl/objects/events to be predictable because their brain is wired wrong. For me, it was a *learned* thing that I thought was normal and that had become a *habit* - until I learned that it wasn't 'normal'. So, I un-learned it. We can't change anyone else. We can only change our Self. With our KO fleas the first step is to (1) become aware of them and then (2) we can do something about them. It sounds like you've been making really good progress. The bottom line: Its OK to be less than *perfect*. Only nadas have to be perfect. - Edith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 > The bottom line: Its OK to be less than *perfect*. Only nadas have to be > perfect. > > - Edith thanks for the reminder :-) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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