[modoasis] feeling MUCH better being NC with nada

[Guest guest]

I think it's been a month now since i have tried to establish the NC

with my nada. Well, just the other day, daughter said she likes it

much better without nada. So do I. Too bad we had to run into nada

at the hairdresser the other day. Ick. I can't stand to be around

nada. I dread going to the church at 8 am when school starts up

again. I know nada is contininuing to try to smear me but I don't

care. I think she is starting to drive a few people bonkers withher

millions of phone calls or hour long messages on their machines. The

priest we really like still says he believes us and has told us that

nada continues to call him trying to go on that trip to Germany for

World Youth Day. He actually said, " ....and she makes ME feel guilty "

I was so relieved and overjoyed that he validates me and daughter's

experience. He actually does not choose to ignore it or leave it

alone thinking it's just our problem. What a wonderful person he is.

I got a postcard from nada the other day (she sends postcards so I

possibly have to read some of it) and it was addressed from " The

Annoyance " bc I had told nada before that she was acting like an

annoyance. i guess that really bothered her.

Now she is focused on a new campaign - that dad is having an affair .

It's funny bc she likes to talk about how he can't " work " as a male

any more b/c of his cancer surgery he had a few years ago (ick, can't

stand her talking about that) but she wants to continue her victim

mode by him having an affair, I guess, seeing as how she could not

continue the victim mode with him leaving b/c he came back.

I am NOT even tempted to get back into contact with nada and I

actually do not see how I EVER would be tempted to do so again. That

FOG seems to have dissipated. I am actually like real me now (it

feels weird to discover the real me just was not there with nada

around) so that I can talk to people like the real me, meet new people

and be the real me, etc. When I was dealing with nada I felt more

like her kid; now I don't. It's really bizarre, but daughter and I

like it so much better. I am glad that daughter likes it. I know she

misses the little horses, but I guess she has found this way to be

worth it after all.

Theresa

[Guest guest]

Hi Theresa,

Nothing validates your perception as much as the

priest saying that your nada even makes HIM feel

guilty. Your nada seems to be driving everyone

crazy...most likely soon she'll have no hubby, no

friends, no place of worship and not even a

hairdresser (he he he).

Although I always wonder who believes my nada's smear

campaign against me, I always know deep down (and from

what people tell me) that sooner or later nada's are

always found out. I guess it's because they're so

afraid of abandonment that they drive everyone out of

their life (and minds) first!

I am so encouraged to hear how happy you and your

daughter feel after a month of NC. I've been NC for a

few weeks....I feel so much happier, stronger...but

still feel the guilt of nada's silent treatment.

Cheers,

Lula

--- taptyper wrote:

> I think it's been a month now since i have tried to

> establish the NC

> with my nada. Well, just the other day, daughter

> said she likes it

> much better without nada. So do I. Too bad we had

> to run into nada

> at the hairdresser the other day. Ick. I can't

> stand to be around

> nada. I dread going to the church at 8 am when

> school starts up

> again. I know nada is contininuing to try to smear

> me but I don't

> care. I think she is starting to drive a few people

> bonkers withher

> millions of phone calls or hour long messages on

> their machines. The

> priest we really like still says he believes us and

> has told us that

> nada continues to call him trying to go on that trip

> to Germany for

> World Youth Day. He actually said, " ....and she

> makes ME feel guilty "

> I was so relieved and overjoyed that he validates

> me and daughter's

> experience. He actually does not choose to ignore

> it or leave it

> alone thinking it's just our problem. What a

> wonderful person he is.

>

> I got a postcard from nada the other day (she sends

> postcards so I

> possibly have to read some of it) and it was

> addressed from " The

> Annoyance " bc I had told nada before that she was

> acting like an

> annoyance. i guess that really bothered her.

>

> Now she is focused on a new campaign - that dad is

> having an affair .

> It's funny bc she likes to talk about how he can't

> " work " as a male

> any more b/c of his cancer surgery he had a few

> years ago (ick, can't

> stand her talking about that) but she wants to

> continue her victim

> mode by him having an affair, I guess, seeing as how

> she could not

> continue the victim mode with him leaving b/c he

> came back.

>

> I am NOT even tempted to get back into contact with

> nada and I

> actually do not see how I EVER would be tempted to

> do so again. That

> FOG seems to have dissipated. I am actually like

> real me now (it

> feels weird to discover the real me just was not

> there with nada

> around) so that I can talk to people like the real

> me, meet new people

> and be the real me, etc. When I was dealing with

> nada I felt more

> like her kid; now I don't. It's really bizarre, but

> daughter and I

> like it so much better. I am glad that daughter

> likes it. I know she

> misses the little horses, but I guess she has found

> this way to be

> worth it after all.

>

> Theresa

>

____________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

I am happy to read that you are getting a sip of your life, do not let it go.

The more distance you will put with Nada...and the more time between meetings

the more you will discover who you truly are. You will slowly start to get a

grip on being you and letting go what Nada wants you to be. You will spend less

time thinking about what she does or she is doing or what's next with Nada. You

will spend more time with your own life and your daugther's. I encourage you to

stay strong and focused on your well being. Distance with Nada is time with

yourself and that feels good!

Yolande

taptyper wrote:

I think it's been a month now since i have tried to establish the NC

with my nada. Well, just the other day, daughter said she likes it

much better without nada. So do I. Too bad we had to run into nada

at the hairdresser the other day. Ick. I can't stand to be around

nada. I dread going to the church at 8 am when school starts up

again. I know nada is contininuing to try to smear me but I don't

care. I think she is starting to drive a few people bonkers withher

millions of phone calls or hour long messages on their machines. The

priest we really like still says he believes us and has told us that

nada continues to call him trying to go on that trip to Germany for

World Youth Day. He actually said, " ....and she makes ME feel guilty "

I was so relieved and overjoyed that he validates me and daughter's

experience. He actually does not choose to ignore it or leave it

alone thinking it's just our problem. What a wonderful person he is.

I got a postcard from nada the other day (she sends postcards so I

possibly have to read some of it) and it was addressed from " The

Annoyance " bc I had told nada before that she was acting like an

annoyance. i guess that really bothered her.

Now she is focused on a new campaign - that dad is having an affair .

It's funny bc she likes to talk about how he can't " work " as a male

any more b/c of his cancer surgery he had a few years ago (ick, can't

stand her talking about that) but she wants to continue her victim

mode by him having an affair, I guess, seeing as how she could not

continue the victim mode with him leaving b/c he came back.

I am NOT even tempted to get back into contact with nada and I

actually do not see how I EVER would be tempted to do so again. That

FOG seems to have dissipated. I am actually like real me now (it

feels weird to discover the real me just was not there with nada

around) so that I can talk to people like the real me, meet new people

and be the real me, etc. When I was dealing with nada I felt more

like her kid; now I don't. It's really bizarre, but daughter and I

like it so much better. I am glad that daughter likes it. I know she

misses the little horses, but I guess she has found this way to be

worth it after all.

Theresa

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---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Theresa,

Your relief is literally palpable through email on my computer. I'm SO

glad you are feeling this way. I'm so glad your daughter can distinguish

the difference in her stress level too (even if she doesn't call it that.)

And the priest validating your feelings is just amazing. He really is a

special man. Just remember that HE can see it, your daughter sees it...so

if the FOG comes back, you are not alone.

I'm really happy for you. You sound terrific. Keep on keeping on! -- Ella

[modoasis] feeling MUCH better being NC with nada

[Guest guest]

Theresa I am so glad you are feeling better. I have been wondering how

things were going but haven't had time to write and ask.

My Nada is still pushing to come visit this summer. My husband and I along

with his family set some ground rules for this visit. She will not stay

here but at my in laws (20 minutes away), she will only stay three days, and

I will not go anywhere with her alone. So far she's either ignoring these

rules or trying to get me to change them. Not going to happen.

So she if she wants to come she is going to have to abide by them. I will

not change them. In the past every time I set a boundary I backed down

after either a guilt trip or a rage. It's just been the past couple of

years I have refused to back down. It's hard to keep it up with a constant

bombardment of phone calls but I try to remember when I get the " woe is me,

there is no one in my life " calls that I am NOT to blame for her current

lifestyle. She made her decisions I didn't even though there have been many

times that she has claimed I was responsible for the things she does and

decisions she made.

Keep up the good work.

Deirdre

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/countrymom_5/my_photos