Guest guest Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 Jana, I understand, in the AM I shall reply, I know why you brought this up, and believe me, I really do understand...............Please try not to beat yourself up, I know you are an awesome mum, you are a kind and wonderful person who is at a crossroad... More in the Am...Sleep tight sweet one, we are all here to support you. You are NOTHING like NADA, you never will be, you are doing the best you can do for yourself. You are NOT harming your beautiful boys, and I am pleased to call you an AWESOME friend =) Again sweet loving dreams to you! Yours, Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 Jana, do you make things? I mean, physically make something like paintings or clothes or chairs or...? Ivy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 I got nothing witty or wise, but you've been so kind to go to the bad places with me....I can certainly sit shivah with you. >> wish i was like goddam normal people with their happy cookie childhoods. feeling angry and sad. -----Yep, I don't know any of them really normal people, but for my kids sake I hope they exist AND I'm jealous of them (the normal people, not my kids). D*mn the happy cookie people! >> its good to read these things nadas did, i know it was wrong, wasnt it guys??? it was icky and not all moms mine their daughters brains for sexual stuff, right? -------Yep, its wrong and gross. Called a couple of my best, oldest " normal-esque " friends today and listed of a few of my personal nada brain incest tales...they'd never really heard them without my veneer of denial and certainly not all in a row. The response was stunned gasps and then lots of yelling. My best friend said " I always knew both our mom's were crazy, but I always felt like yours was DANGEROUS. Now I know why. Put down the steel doors on that B*tch and don't let her near your kids' diapers again. " Felt good to hear her say that. >>god of course not id never ever invade my boys like that. crikes. ------Of course you wouldn't. Its creepy and sicko. >>So all the while teen stuff memories coming up, and me involved in a bad sitch here, driving me nuts trying to figure out WHY I am self- destructing (nada words) why am I doing this why why, is it something I need, is it Imago stuff (replacing present partner for unmet childhood need) is it WHAT is it? And I'm thinking back on degrading stuff and I allow it WHY??? miserable today yet STILL trying to go get MORE. more love thats UNOBTAINABLE. WHY? ------I'm so sorry you feel this way. This may not be you, but I sometimes feel like the MH degrees introduce us to new and more sophisticated ways of insulting ourselves(DSM-phoria.) Regardless, I'm sad you feel bad. My yoga pants and I sit with you in ashes, Ivorysoap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 Jana, the reason I was asking about making things is that there's a certain head-space I sometimes get into, where I'm going around in a circle with the WHY?, and what you're describing sounds a little bit the same. Sometimes I can't get out of my particular WHY? circle any way besides making something. Somehow the concentration on what's physical, like applying an even coat of paint, just shuts it down, I think maybe because it gets me away from language altogether. The silence is like water. For what it's worth. Or maybe it's because I can see a result, so I know I must be real. I hope you feel better. Virtual chicken soup. Ivy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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