Guest guest Posted July 19, 2004 Report Share Posted July 19, 2004 > Anyone have this problem? I'm " slow to warm up " to people -- I have the same problem. If I try to come on faster I feel so phony I am sure it shows. The only cure I know of is to hang around with people who are the same way, and can understand it in others. - Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2004 Report Share Posted July 19, 2004 Yeah, I can understand. THere are some people I am slow to warm up to then they think I am a snob. THer are other people I seem to instantly warm up and they are the ones I usually become dear friends with. My younger sister had a very hard time warming up to anyone though and since my sisters and I were beautifull, people always thought my little sister was a real , cold, snotty b*tch. she just just scared. My youngest sister is painfully shy . It seems with each of us the youngest becomes even more withdrawn than the one before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2004 Report Share Posted July 19, 2004 > Anyone have this problem? I'm " slow to warm up " to people -- and then in the > future, when I feel more comfortable with them, and I try to become friends > with them -- they reject me because I was too slow to warm up to them in the > beginning! Like... I missed the boat. YES !!! I've been hurt enough in my life, I don't want to be hurt any more, so I am very slow to warm up to people. Sometimes it works...and I get a wonderful friend, sometimes it doesn't and that person still turns out to be a user... Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2004 Report Share Posted July 19, 2004 > Anyone have this problem? I'm " slow to warm up " to people -- and then in the > future, when I feel more comfortable with them, and I try to become friends > with them -- they reject me because I was too slow to warm up to them in the > beginning! Like... I missed the boat. I am slow to warm up to people. But I just do not look twice at those who consider that I " missed my boat " . They, themselves are exhibiting borderline characteristics. That is not to say that their behaviour doesn't hurt. What I do find, is that people respect slowness in warming up. But sudden shifts from slowness to being warmed up frighten them as well. So I just try to be slow, and keep it consistent. I try, nobody says that I always succeed. It takes a lot of time and a lot of effort, that consistency in behaviour. On two separate occasions during last year I actually got sick (bronchitis both times) because I managed to maintain certain level of non-borderline behaviour in my work and relationships, while having her tantrums in the same house with me. I cried yesterday, a lot. For all the failures I achieved due to my co-dependency, thanks mom. A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 I really appreciate hearing other people's input on this! It helps sooooo much! A -- I know what you mean about " thanks mom " for teaching us improper behavior leading to " failures " . I feel exactly the same way! And believe me I shed many tears and lose much sleep, etc. over this. But.... this just popped into my mind. I keep reading and hearing that all that matters in life is " love " -- how much you love. And how far you come in your own life in overcoming your own fears, etc. Millions (?) of people believe that " success " in life is NOT the way westerners define it. But rather, is a personal, spiritual, private, " love " and private success type of success. In that way..... I wish us all success! And it seems we are on the right path! (And... even according to the " western " version of success.... we're probably not doing *that* bad.) Barb T. (sending positive thoughts your way!) In a message dated 7/19/04 4:24:53 PM Eastern Daylight Time, a.ristic@... writes: > > > Anyone have this problem? I'm " slow to warm up " to people -- and > then in the > > future, when I feel more comfortable with them, and I try to become > friends > > with them -- they reject me because I was too slow to warm up to > them in the > > beginning! Like... I missed the boat. > > I am slow to warm up to people. But I just do not look twice at those > who consider that I " missed my boat " . They, themselves are exhibiting > borderline characteristics. That is not to say that their behaviour > doesn't hurt. > What I do find, is that people respect slowness in warming up. But > sudden shifts from slowness to being warmed up frighten them as well. > So I just try to be slow, and keep it consistent. I try, nobody says > that I always succeed. It takes a lot of time and a lot of effort, > that consistency in behaviour. > On two separate occasions during last year I actually got sick > (bronchitis both times) because I managed to maintain certain level > of non-borderline behaviour in my work and relationships, while > having her tantrums in the same house with me. > I cried yesterday, a lot. For all the failures I achieved due to my > co-dependency, thanks mom. > A > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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