Re: thoughts on nada passing

[Guest guest]

I've really enjoyed reading the posts on the funeral and the closure

that they can provide... thank you! They made me think about my own

mother ( a lot of that going on this morning ), and whether I would

go to her funeral.

The posts reminded me of something someone suggested to me a couple of

years ago. The idea was to hold a little ceremony for myself, write a

eulogy for my mother, and to " bury " her. This was to make a real

closure for me, so that I could let go and finally, completely grieve

for her and to be free. It was unthinkable then, but right now it

seems like it could be a very good thing. I could even put a few

things that remind me of her into a little box and bury at the

cemetary up the road. It wouldn't be her as person that would be

buried, but *the mother that I remember*.

Any thoughts on this? Edith?

Thank you all again... for the support, and sharing, and just being

here and being you. Thanks.

D

>

> sherby2k wrote:

>

> > Has anyone chosen NOT to attend their nada's funeral? Or do KOs find

> > closure in going?

[Guest guest]

> Plus, I have this little shocked voice inside me

> saying, " You won't go to your own mother's funeral? "

>

> Has anyone chosen NOT to attend their nada's funeral? Or do KOs

find

> closure in going?

>

> Anyway, it might be a non-issue. I swear, my nada is going to live

> forever LOL.

>

>

>

Hi ,

I went to nadas funeral in April and it was weird. I felt nothing. I

didn't cry, didn't connect with the sobbing faces, questioned who

they were saying all those nice things about.... I was numb. I

realized that she was already dead to me once I ended contact and

let go of the fantasy mother I never had and she tried to make me

believe. I had already grieved her loss for the year before her

death and my siblings were just beginning. I know they felt I was

unfeeling (and they were right, I didn't feel anything) and it

caused some strain but it was what it was.

I opted to go, actually for no particular reason other than to not

have to deal with later regretting not going. I guess it helped to

finalize it all. She was gone and I knew, standing there on that

rainy day, staring down at her grave, that I now had to work on

myself and all that she left me with. I have a lot to work through,

fleas and all, but I know longer live in the illusory world that

nada built and that is progess.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thanks for sharing your experience. After thinking about it all day,

I decided that I probably would go, just to experience the milestone

of finally, officially, going on without her, as you so eloquently

described. But I'd have no apologies for my " unfeeling " behavior

while there - no more pretending, no more pleasing everyone else by

acting the part of " good daughter " , even if they throw abuse at me

while I'm there.

We'll see, however. I could change my mind when the time comes. Or,

I could go, and then decide to walk out. At least I can see my

options clearer now. I can decide from a position of power, rather

than from a position of fear.

Thanks,

> I opted to go, actually for no particular reason other than to not

> have to deal with later regretting not going. I guess it helped to

> finalize it all.

[Guest guest]

LOL Carol! Now that makes me wonder if I'll have trouble containing

myself if I do decide to attend nada's funeral. I might start

humming or something equally " inappropriate " along those lines.

Heck, I might see the pile of dirt and start giggling, remembering

what you said.

Thanks for sharing, though. I don't think any of my FOO would really

miss her, although maybe my dad might, and it would be nice to

support him if he needed it (especially since nada's family mostly

hates him now). But I can see how going would provide closure.

> I didn't feel sadness at the funeral, actually quite the

opposite. But, it was difficult " acting " properly sad.

> Everyone was dead silent, you could hear a pin drop, when NH

cousin's mother suddenly blurted out that the lead car had turned

the wrong way through the cemetery. I immediately gushed forth

with, " All they have to do is look for the pile of dirt! " like

Niagra Falls. Normally I would have had enough self-control to hold

that thought back, but not that day. I wanted to crawl under the

floor mat.

>

> Attending the funeral did provide closure. I was there for my

father..