Re: Nada's triangulating again

[Guest guest]

My nada is up to her distortion campaign, too, amongst homeschoolers

who know me and my 14-year-old daughter. My daughter and I have

pretty much gone into hermit mode because I cannot allow my nada to

drive my daughter around any more. All my daughter does is get

trapped in the car and have to listen to garbage from nada. So that

means my daughter cannot go to certain functions or classes, etc etc

because I am working my job most of the times when the groups have

anything. Anyway, I have some indirect evidence from some of them

that a distortion campaign is going on.

The strangest one comes from some homeschool lady with girls older

than mine and they live almost an hour away. We have not seen or

heard from them in a few years. All of a sudden she calls leaving

messages to call her back. I also screen ALL my calls. This lady

does not say what she wants at all; not even an inkling. In that case

I ignore it. I will not call people back if they can't leave a

message saying at least what it could be in regards to. I think it's

part of nada's distortion campaign or something similar so I am going

to ignore this person's phone calls until she can leave a message

giving more information.

So, definitely can understand all the screening phone calls. If it's

not a problem, I would change your phone number. Of course nadas have

what they think is a gift for being in the FBI. They have ways of

finding out information even when it's not listed, so it will not work

for long. My nada lives so close that changing my number would not do

much good. She HATES it when she knows I am probably around and do

not answer my phone. But she gets screened just like everyone else !

Theresa

>

>

> Hey everyone,

>

> I've been off-list lately. I think I have the holiday blues (or

> maybe the winter blues?) because I haven't been up for thinking

> about or doing much of anything for the past few weeks.

>

> Anyway, I came home from work today to find a message on my machine

> from one of nada's friends. I'm guessing that my recent moment of

> weakness, aka a group Christmas gift sent to nada's house for the

> benefit of my younger brothers, has ignited a distortion campaign

> against me. I can only imagine what's being said. And of course,

> this woman who called is all sweetness and light, she's

> been " thinking about me " and wanted to catch up on how I'm doing.

> Yeah, right. I was eight years old the last time I saw the woman.

> She certainly wasn't my friend.

>

> What kills me is that I can't respond to this. If I talk to nada at

> all, that's exactly what she wants. If I lash out at her, she's

> justified. If I calmly ask her to stop handing out my phone number

> (which I never gave her in the first place, and I'm still angry at

> whoever passed it along to her!), she still gets what she wants

> because I'm talking to her again. So I just have to ignore it. But

> it's WRONG in so many ways. And it makes me mad.

>

> I feel like changing my phone number again. Isn't it a complete

> violation of my boundaries to just hand out my phone number like

> that?

>

> I'm glad I still screen my calls. I guess I just have to keep doing

> it.

>

> Thanks for listening to my rant. I can't wait for the day I can just

> brush this stuff off!

>

>

>

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I will not call people back if they can't leave a

> message saying at least what it could be in regards to. I think

>it's part of nada's distortion campaign or something similar so I

>am going to ignore this person's phone calls until she can leave a

>message giving more information.

That's a good boundary. As soon as someone I don't know well (or

don't know at all) calls and requests a callback without any other

information, I get red flags all over the place.

>

> So, definitely can understand all the screening phone calls. If

>it's not a problem, I would change your phone number.

Yep, I might even disconnect it entirely. I have my cell phone that

I use almost exclusively, and I can block her number on my cell.

Hubby and I are talking about it tonight, actually.

> Of course nadas have what they think is a gift for being in the

>FBI.

Isn't that ridiculous? They take pride in finding those things out.

I think it's a control thing.

[Guest guest]

Theresa,

You're further along the road than I am if you didn't return any

calls that seemed legitimate. I get so sucked up into stuff with my

parents from a lifetime of experience, and I often don't recognize

it until I've indulged myself.

My best girlfriend (the one who says that you can't have a healthy

relationship with an unhealthy person) had similar experiences when

going to the church that also coordinated their homeschool

association. Gossip in the guise of help, support and even prayer

became far worse when her group of peers was so much smaller.

How is it that your mother is still interracting with the other

mothers? Could you send everyone in the group a Christmas card with

a request that none of them discuss you with her? I'm so sorry that

this stuff has to happen, and also that your daughter has to live

through the drama.

K

> >

> >

> > Hey everyone,

> >

> > I've been off-list lately. I think I have the holiday blues (or

> > maybe the winter blues?) because I haven't been up for thinking

> > about or doing much of anything for the past few weeks.

> >

> > Anyway, I came home from work today to find a message on my

machine

> > from one of nada's friends. I'm guessing that my recent moment of

> > weakness, aka a group Christmas gift sent to nada's house for the

> > benefit of my younger brothers, has ignited a distortion campaign

> > against me. I can only imagine what's being said. And of course,

> > this woman who called is all sweetness and light, she's

> > been " thinking about me " and wanted to catch up on how I'm doing.

> > Yeah, right. I was eight years old the last time I saw the woman.

> > She certainly wasn't my friend.

> >

> > What kills me is that I can't respond to this. If I talk to nada

at

> > all, that's exactly what she wants. If I lash out at her, she's

> > justified. If I calmly ask her to stop handing out my phone

number

> > (which I never gave her in the first place, and I'm still angry

at

> > whoever passed it along to her!), she still gets what she wants

> > because I'm talking to her again. So I just have to ignore it.

But

> > it's WRONG in so many ways. And it makes me mad.

> >

> > I feel like changing my phone number again. Isn't it a complete

> > violation of my boundaries to just hand out my phone number like

> > that?

> >

> > I'm glad I still screen my calls. I guess I just have to keep

doing

> > it.

> >

> > Thanks for listening to my rant. I can't wait for the day I can

just

> > brush this stuff off!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be

ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of

contents, go to:

> > http://www.BPDCentral.com

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

>

> Theresa,

>

> You're further along the road than I am if you didn't return any

> calls that seemed legitimate. I get so sucked up into stuff with my

> parents from a lifetime of experience, and I often don't recognize

> it until I've indulged myself.

>

Believe, me it's taking a long time for me to finally come to this

point and still can't completely separate like I want because I live

to d*** close to nada.

> My best girlfriend (the one who says that you can't have a healthy

> relationship with an unhealthy person) had similar experiences when

> going to the church that also coordinated their homeschool

> association. Gossip in the guise of help, support and even prayer

> became far worse when her group of peers was so much smaller.

Yeah, I'd say I have a small group of peers - about one I can name.

All the rest have been or are partly sucked in by nada with her

appearing like she is such a wonderful, helpful nada/grandnada

> How is it that your mother is still interracting with the other

> mothers?

Easy - she puts herself there. No problem with her. Seeing as how

she has driven my daughter to all sorts of things as daughter still is

not old enough to drive. I am finally putting a stop to nada driving

my daughter anywhere. Of course she wants people to believe she is a

wonderful nada/grandnada. She is calling people and triangulating

about how I am getting weird to her and also not letting my daughter

go to functions any more (which means I am a mean mother, of course).

>Could you send everyone in the group a Christmas card with

> a request that none of them discuss you with her?

Does not work - they all think she is great and wonderful. I emailed

one lady asking her not to discuss a boarding school (one that

daughter is thinking about going to and that this lady's daughter also

was thinking about going to) with my nada and all she does is email me

back saying she thought I was being anxious over what other might

think and that my mom seemed happy my daughter was going to the advent

retreat up there (NOT!). In other words, this woman thinks my nada is

such a great, wonderful person there is no way in hell she is going to

even consider my request because of course nada cares and means no

harm !

In the same email I asked her to please not discuss our family with my

nada (mom calls this homeschool lady up with her problems saying how

mean and evil my dad is, etc etc). My dad bought a used truck without

nada knowing about it because we all know how nada freaks about stuff

so we don't tell her ahead of time; just do it.

Furthermore, nada controls the money so dad had to take this money

out of the bank for the truck. He usually got a $5/week allowance.

Then nada thinks he is just mean and lazy overall. He also just

retired and now nada is going around telling everyone how he quit

working and refuses to get another job (and nada can't get one, of

course because she is too *handicapped* which actually she is not but

likes to make everyone think she is).

>I'm so sorry that

> this stuff has to happen, and also that your daughter has to live

> through the drama.

>

Yeah, me, too. My sister keeps telling me I need to move far, far

away. When I will get the time, energy and guts to do that I have not

an idea. At least if my daughter decides to go to the boarding school

she will be far, far away. Nada is acting out now because of that

possibility which means she will lose complete control over my

daughter. Control is what she wants and it kills her to not have it.

My nada owns 3 mini horses that my daughter loves and of course they

are used as a ploy and blackmail, etc. etc which is the one and only

think that keeps us from completely not being in contact with nada.

Nada also thinks we are supposed to invite her to go with us

everywhere including watching videos at my house, going to homeschool

functions or me just taking my daughter to the airport.

Nada is ticking me off beyond belief and she really does not " get it "

why I am not letting her take my daughter anywhere any more. She

actually sees it as me being mean to my daughter by keeping her from

doing things with the groups or her friends and going around telling

everyone I am being mean and having mood swings and not looking after

the best interests of my daughter. Ugh

Theresa

[Guest guest]

.......

>

> Nada is ticking me off beyond belief and she really does not " get

it "

> why I am not letting her take my daughter anywhere any more. She

> actually sees it as me being mean to my daughter by keeping her from

> doing things with the groups or her friends and going around telling

> everyone I am being mean and having mood swings and not looking

after

> the best interests of my daughter. Ugh

>

> Theresa

Theresa,

Of course nada won't see this as your daughter's best interest, cause

she would have to admit that she is the cause of so many problems.

But my hat off to you for doing what is best for your girl!

Sylvia