Re: New Member

[Guest guest]

hi maria and tami :-)..thankyou so much for the welcome!...ive been struggeling

with and issue with this man for 15 months and just a few days ago he calls me

up and tells me he " needs to talk to me " and as always i drop everything and run

to him....my choice i know but once again now that i need to talk to him he is

very " unavailable " and i tried to get him on the phone but felt i was left with

no choice but to leave him a message which was actually probably easier then

telling him the truth in person and my truth was that im tired of being alone

and i dont want to be alone anymore and that i refuse to go back to the way

things have been for us and if he dosnt want to settle down and be with me then

he needs to set me free so that i can find someone else who does want to be with

me and i told him also in the message that i do understand that he is going thru

a hard time right now however when ever he wanted to talk to me he always found

a way and how he treats me is not fair to me

the truth is that i do want to find someone else who can be with me right

now....thats not wrong right??????.....i waited for 15 months for this man to

decide he wants to settle down and he always tells me that i just need to give

him a little bit more time

tell me if im wrong for thinking this but i just feel like i need to start

living my own life and i cant do that if im waiting around for someone else

.....for 15 months it was all about him and what he wanted...WELL now its my turn

and i dont want this anymore i WANT something else!

so then i take the phone off the hook cause i dont need him calling me up and

yelling at me in the middle of the night but see, i am a little bit worried

cause what if he heard the message and killed himself or something?.....he lives

near me and i did hear some abulenses go by last night but at the same time i do

NOT want my thoughts to trick me into going back to him...i need to be free from

all of this...i do NOT want to be with someone who wont hear me and always makes

everything else and everyone else more important then me

i feel that the reality with this man is that he has been very unavaliable to me

for 15 months and he is always going to be unavaliable to me....sure, when he

thinks he is losing me he gives me gifts or helps me pay my bills or spends time

with me but i need someone who will ALWAYS do nice things for me, not just when

they realized they messed up.....but the reality is that when he gets comforable

again and knows he got me where he wants me then he just goes back to the same

old unavailable man

this is reality....this relationship isnt gonna work for me

thanks for listening to me go on and on

christina

Re: new member

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

welcome to the work, and welcome to this group.

A lot of thoughts you posted here. When my mind goes like this, I get

either the first thought possible, or, when that seems to " hard " ,

just the one that hurts most.

Well, at least one that hurts!

So, let's see what comes up for you when you think of this man:

Am 10.09.2005 um 08:08 schrieb frozen fire:

> hi maria and tami :-)..thankyou so much for the welcome!...ive been

> struggeling with and issue with this man for 15 months and just a

> few days ago he calls me up and tells me he " needs to talk to me "

> and as always i drop everything and run to him....my choice i know

> but once again now that i need to talk to him he is very

> " unavailable " and i tried to get him on the phone but felt i was

> left with no choice but to leave him a message which was actually

> probably easier then telling him the truth in person and my truth

> was that im tired of being alone and i dont want to be alone

> anymore and that i refuse to go back to the way things have been

> for us and if he dosnt want to settle down and be with me then he

> needs to set me free so that i can find someone else who does want

> to be with me and i told him also in the message that i do

> understand that he is going thru a hard time right now however when

> ever he wanted to talk to me he always found a way and how he

> treats me is not fair to me

Ok. Let's make this easy. Let's go slow.

This is what I hear:

He should be available, when I need to talk to him. (not always, just

when it suits ME!)

- Is that true?

HE NEEDS to set ME free. - You know, he should really set you free,

.

- Is that true?

AND:

He should treat me fair.

- Is that true?

Now, how do we know if it is true?

Because it is, what is.

So, does he? - not in your experience, not from what I hear from you.

Now, how do you treat yourself, when you believe that thought? How do

you treat HIM, when you think he should treat you fair, and it is not

your experience?

Can you see a reason to let that thought go?

And can you see a peaceful reason to keep it? One that is not

stressful for you?

And who would you be, if you could never believe again, that ANYONE

(especially him) should treat you fair - no matter how they treat you?

So lets see if there is something truer than the former thought. Turn

it around. And we may find a way out of this.

> the truth is that i do want to find someone else who can be with me

> right now....thats not wrong right??????.....i waited for 15 months

> for this man to decide he wants to settle down and he always tells

> me that i just need to give him a little bit more time

Ok, turn this last sentence around and see on who's decision you have

been waiting for 15 months, now.

> tell me if im wrong for thinking this but i just feel like i need

> to start living my own life and i cant do that if im waiting around

> for someone else ....for 15 months it was all about him and what he

> wanted...WELL now its my turn and i dont want this anymore i WANT

> something else!

In my experience, no one can be blamed for his thinking. I want what

I want in this moment. And that may change. Anytime.

> so then i take the phone off the hook cause i dont need him calling

> me up and yelling at me in the middle of the night but see, i am a

> little bit worried cause what if he heard the message and killed

> himself or something?.....he lives near me and i did hear some

> abulenses go by last night but at the same time i do NOT want my

> thoughts to trick me into going back to him...i need to be free

> from all of this...

Ok, now you tell me that he could call you in the middle of the

night, because you did not take the phone off the hook. And you did

not do that, because you where worried! Now, what is wrong with being

worried? I'd do anything not to be worried, even let people call me

at the middle of the night!

> i do NOT want to be with someone who wont hear me and always makes

> everything else and everyone else more important then me

Turn this around, and you may find a person that can make this

possible for you.

> i feel that the reality with this man is that he has been very

> unavaliable to me for 15 months

Now turn this around, as well.

> and he is always going to be unavaliable to me....sure, when he

> thinks he is losing me he gives me gifts or helps me pay my bills

> or spends time with me but i need someone who will ALWAYS do nice

> things for me, not just when they realized they messed up.....but

> the reality is that when he gets comforable again and knows he got

> me where he wants me then he just goes back to the same old

> unavailable man

Now, could you see a turnaround in this one, that may make something

clearer for you?

> this is reality....this relationship isnt gonna work for me

As long as you are in it, you are because it IS working for you.

Until it's not.

> thanks for listening to me go on and on

> christina

Love,

___________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Thank you for being who you are

I enjoy your clearness so much

You are the best :-)

Love

Tami

> Dear ,

>

> thank you for being so open.

>

>

> Am 11.09.2005 um 18:16 schrieb frozen fire:

>

> > hi maria :-) you asked me to tell about how him being with his

wife

> > so much made me feel?....well it made me feel alot of

wonders....i

> > wonder why he hasnt lived with her for 7 years but spends just

> > about every day at her house and

>

> > im smart enough to know that dosnt have anything to do with his

kids

> So, I hear that you know it has nothing to do with his kids. And I

> also hear that you have been waiting nevertheless for 15 months.

>

> Who is it who let you wait?

>

> He let me wait for 15 months. - Is that really true?

>

> > as he always tells me its just for his kids and alot of times he

is

> > at her house till after midnight to me that is not

normal ....and

> > why dosnt he just go back to her full time?

> yep, all these clues, but we keep waiting...

>

> Dont we?

>

> > ....i wonder why he wants to keep me on the side?...

> > makes me feel like im not important enough to be first....

> > makes me feel like he has been using me the whole entire time....

> Sweetheart, no one can use me. That's my privilege.

> He does what he does. That's his job. Whatever that looks like. I

> wait for him to change. Into something that suits ME better.

> It's all about me. And I wait, and wait and wait. And he doesn't

change.

> And I say, it's his fault. And he doesn't change.

> So who is using who?

>

> > all i really want is to just be able to stop thinking about him

and

> > move on

> Only one way I know that *really* helps. Go inside. Judge him,

write

> it down, ask four questions and turn it around.

>

> And the work is not about blame and shame and guilt. It is not

about

> " I should have... " . That's what brought us here in the first place.

>

>

>

> > thanks

> > christina

> Love,

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ___________________________________________________________

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anmelden: http://mail.yahoo.de

[Guest guest]

-Hi, I've had similar things to you over the last few months, joint

pain, fatigue, fever and then legs covered in bumps which have also

come up on my hands and arms too. Finding it strange how little the

doctors seem to know about EN, and as you say, you are a nurse and yet

had never heard of it before now. I spoke to a relative last night who

has worked in the medical profession for years and she too had never

heard of it.

Today I went for a chest x-ray at the hospital and I even had to

explain what the condition was to the radiographer as she had never

heard of it!

What are the symptoms of you eye condition? The blood vessels in my one

eye are quite red and the covering looks a little less smooth than it

normally does. Got some eye drops today to see if these will help.

I find this site great as no one I speak to seems to have any idea

about this condition. Now the bumps have all calmed down on my legs,

I'm being woken up in the night again with aches in both legs!

Regards

Lynne

>

> Hello,

> I was diagnosed with EN in March of 2006. It came on suddenly with

> severe joint pain, fatigue, episcleritis, fevers, and the lovely red

> bumps on my legs. I also had a different rash on my arms that they

> said was some neutropenic reaction. These were both biopsied and

> confirmed. I was put on a Prednisone taper which quickly resolved

all

> my symptoms. After stopping them though about two weeks ago, I was

> extremely extremely fatigued and the joint pain came back. All my

> labs were negative for infection, sarcoidosis, rheumatology factors,

> lupus, ect, ect. I am 33 and this is very scary. I am thankful that

> there is a support group out there for this. I am a registered nurse

> and had never heard about EN until now.

>

[Guest guest]

--I had the same probelm after going off the Prenisone.The joint pain

disappeared after the Prednisone kicked in but after the 16 day course

was finished the joint pain reappeared, It seems to affect my ankles

the most and my feet & ankles swell. In the mornings I cna hardly

walk. I've had to start taking the Relafin & Vicodin again. I stopped

taking them while on the Pred, because the joint pain wasn't that

severe. I'm debating returning to the Dr. I have enough Relafin &

Vicodin probably to last about 2 months. Not sure what to do.

Anyway so to hear you're suffering with the joint pain too. That

seems to be the worst part to me. When I had this about 24yrs ago it

seem attack my left wrist joint the most. This time around it's my

ankles & feet. The later being much harder to deal with. When it was

my wrist I just used one of the braces people wear for carple tunnel

and took over the counter pain meds.Walking walking with this pain is

a little hardr to handle

jewells

- In erythema_nodosum_Group , " kcgirlleo "

wrote:

>

> Hello,

> I was diagnosed with EN in March of 2006. It came on suddenly with

> severe joint pain, fatigue, episcleritis, fevers, and the lovely red

> bumps on my legs. I also had a different rash on my arms that they

> said was some neutropenic reaction. These were both biopsied and

> confirmed. I was put on a Prednisone taper which quickly resolved all

> my symptoms. After stopping them though about two weeks ago, I was

> extremely extremely fatigued and the joint pain came back. All my

> labs were negative for infection, sarcoidosis, rheumatology factors,

> lupus, ect, ect. I am 33 and this is very scary. I am thankful that

> there is a support group out there for this. I am a registered nurse

> and had never heard about EN until now.

>

[Guest guest]

hi jewels,

your post caught my eye....i couldn't help not passing this one

up....

for arthritis, prednosone is NOT the first line treatment anymore.

first, let me explain something. we call this " arthritis " but

actually there are many forms of this. and we call it " joint pain " ,

but actually what i have and likely you have also, is not in the

joint " itself " at all.

certain (unfortunately many) autoimmunities or autoinflammation

diseases trigger " enteropathic " symtoms, thus, enteropathic

arthritis, derm and eye (3 major types). enteropathic

arthritis " tends " to be tendon inflammation or tendon connective

tissue inflammation or autoinflammation.

first line treatment for many arthritis today, including ra and

enteropathic are tnf-alpha (biologics) inhibitors and

immunomodulators, such as methotrexate. your doctor should be more

up on the latest treatments (see some of rebecca's posts in the last

few months). if he isn't, you may have to research it yourself and

then educate him, or..........go find a new doc that IS up on the

latest in research and treatments (you might want to consider a

teaching medical center).

i read in other groups that when someone is put on a tnf-alpha

inhibitor without going thru a course of prednosone first, people

are shocked that the doc just " jumped right to a biologic first " . i

remind these people, " look, prednosone is NOT the first line of

defense any longer. this is old school, don't be so shocked about

that! "

also, you may want to consider a nsaid instead of the narcotics. or

possibly a combination in order to reduce the narcotics. i won't go

into all the whys and wherefores on narcotics (been there---done

that---big time), you probably know that drill, but narcotics " cover

up " the pain, nsaid actually reduce the inflammation, which is the

crux of the issue.

sounds like you have an extemely old school doc that needs some

major upgrading. these other treatments and the reasons why should

be at least getting discussed with you. i hope i am not offending

you, if you really like your doc, you might be extremely ticked at

me right now. i hope that is not the case. i tend to be straight

forward and a square shooter, so don't take this personal. if you

really like your doc, i can respect that as well, because that is

important also.

be well,

jeff

>

> --I had the same probelm after going off the Prenisone.The joint

pain

> disappeared after the Prednisone kicked in but after the 16 day

course

> was finished the joint pain reappeared, It seems to affect my

ankles

> the most and my feet & ankles swell. In the mornings I cna hardly

> walk. I've had to start taking the Relafin & Vicodin again. I

stopped

> taking them while on the Pred, because the joint pain wasn't that

> severe. I'm debating returning to the Dr. I have enough Relafin &

> Vicodin probably to last about 2 months. Not sure what to do.

> Anyway so to hear you're suffering with the joint pain too. That

> seems to be the worst part to me. When I had this about 24yrs ago

it

> seem attack my left wrist joint the most. This time around it's my

> ankles & feet. The later being much harder to deal with. When it

was

> my wrist I just used one of the braces people wear for carple

tunnel

> and took over the counter pain meds.Walking walking with this pain

is

> a little hardr to handle

[Guest guest]

Lynne, My eye symptoms were just at the initial outbreak and went away with the Prednisone. They were extremely red and even looked bumpy where the vessels in the eye are. My eye doctor said it was episcleritis. It cleared quickly when I started Prednisone. I did try some artificial tears for relief though. lynne1623 wrote: -Hi, I've had similar things to you over the last few months, joint pain, fatigue, fever and then legs covered in bumps which have also come up on my hands and arms too. Finding it strange how little the doctors seem to know about EN, and as you say, you are a nurse and yet had never heard of it before now. I spoke to a relative last night who has worked in the medical profession for years and she

too had never heard of it.Today I went for a chest x-ray at the hospital and I even had to explain what the condition was to the radiographer as she had never heard of it!What are the symptoms of you eye condition? The blood vessels in my one eye are quite red and the covering looks a little less smooth than it normally does. Got some eye drops today to see if these will help.I find this site great as no one I speak to seems to have any idea about this condition. Now the bumps have all calmed down on my legs, I'm being woken up in the night again with aches in both legs!RegardsLynne>> Hello,> I was diagnosed with EN in March of 2006. It came on suddenly with > severe joint pain, fatigue, episcleritis, fevers, and the lovely red > bumps on my legs. I also had a different rash on my arms that they > said was some neutropenic reaction. These were

both biopsied and > confirmed. I was put on a Prednisone taper which quickly resolved all > my symptoms. After stopping them though about two weeks ago, I was > extremely extremely fatigued and the joint pain came back. All my > labs were negative for infection, sarcoidosis, rheumatology factors, > lupus, ect, ect. I am 33 and this is very scary. I am thankful that > there is a support group out there for this. I am a registered nurse > and had never heard about EN until now.>

Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group Lee.  And let it be paid no pain is insignifacant.  Pain is

pain. I have IBS, GERD, Migraines on occasion(I've learned how to keep them to a

minimum), FM and back pain from and injury I had when I was 15.  As for the IBS 

i found eating lots of raw veggies helps. Granted most don't love veggies like I

do.  I was a vegan for 5 years and love my veggies.  But broccoli and kale

seemed to help me the most.  If you have any questions feel free to email

personally.  Once again welcome to the group and Take care.

Karisa

[Guest guest]

Sorry I dont have much input because I dont have IBS but one thing a friend

recently did was to have a food elimation study done took 3 months with an

immunologist I really cant do that at the moment to see if foods make a

difference to my condition but she found that it really helped her discover

certain things that affected her pain badly and some that made her really sick

in hospital even because they affeced her blood pressure.

Thats my only suggestion there are probably a lot of other people on here that

know a lot more than me I hope the group can be of some assistance to you

----- Original Message -----

From: divalee11

Hello everyone.....my name is Lee (female) but so that people will not get

confused if I am female or male...I sign.,,divalee....

I feel so much for all of you. I have been reading the posts for a while and I

feel my problem is so insignificant compared to so many of you, with so much

pain.

My problem is IBS...It was said before I was permitted to join that IBS is

included in this group.

[Guest guest]

Welcome to our little family, IBS I think many of us can relate, I know I

can and I have to make this Short lol

[Guest guest]

Welcome Lee! I'm glad you're here and have posted. I hope someone will be able

to help. I had trouble with IBS in the 90s but, for reasons unknown, haven't

had those symptoms except rarely the last 10 years or so. I am sorry that you

have to struggle with it.

Margie

>

> Hello everyone.....my name is Lee (female) but so that people will not get

confused if I am female or male...I sign.,,divalee....

>

> I feel so much for all of you. I have been reading the posts for a while and

I feel my problem is so insignificant compared to so many of you, with so much

pain.

>

> My problem is IBS...It was said before I was permitted to join that IBS is

included in this group.

>

> Are there any suggestions...I even went organic, but that did not help either.

>

> Thank you for letting me join this group

>

> Divalee

> Keep a song in your heart

>

[Guest guest]

I've increased my fiber by eating fiber one bars and fiber one yogurt, which all

taste very good, working so far, try it.

Warm in Florida

Tree

________________________________

Hi, Lee,

Welcome.

I've had IBS for over 30 years, mostly constipation, gas and cramps. It is not

as bad now as it used to be, but it flares up now and then.

I find that eating a very high fiber diet is helpful for me. One must gradually

increase fiber in order to avoid cramps and flatulence. It's easy to get plenty:

just eat a high fiber breakfast cereal and whole grains, plus fresh/frozen

veggies and fruit.