Re: The one-two punch (nada and NPD dad)

[Guest guest]

......> I'm so tired of living under the radar, of being afraid. I

thought

> if I could just stay quiet for long enough, she'd go away. And I

> thought my dad would come through for me for a change. I guess I'm

> wrong on both counts.

>

> Ick, bad day, I guess. But posting here always helps.

>

>

Hi ,

So sorry that you were let down big time by your dad. My experience

with people who let me down this way was that I learned to never,

ever ask for their help in any way, and never accepted it when it was

offered either (another learning experience, cause even when it was

offered, the persons wouldn't come through.) Because of this, it has

been very difficult for me to trust/depend on anyone. As I am

becoming better at dealing with the effects of being raised by nada,

I am just beginning to 'dare' to show trust to people in some small

ways. I am hoping that I will eventually heal in this area too. I

think the difficulty is understanding who to trust, cause as KOs, we

were really messed with in this area.

Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

Thanks. Yeah, the trust thing is definitely a big issue with me,

too. I think right now the bigger issue for me is understanding why

I keep giving him chances to let me down. Both recent events with

dad and nada upset me, not so much because of what they did (neither

reaction was exactly a surprise), but far more because I keep

providing them with the opportunities to upset me. I thought I had

stopped hoping for them to change. I think there's still some hope

there. Why else would I ask him to do something important for me,

knowing who he is? And why else would I send a gift to nada's

house???

Been processing that. Once I discovered the " whys " behind the things

I did, I started to understand why I got so upset about it. I

suddenly heard my self-talk: " Why can't she just be NICE? " " Why

can't he come through for me this ONCE? "

As for trust - so dangerous to live in this world without having

been taught how, and who, to trust. We were taught not to trust our

own instincts. We were required to trust in the most unstable

person/people in our lives, unconditionally, no questions asked. We

grew up with the idea that the more unstable the person, the more we

should trust them, because that's what we were taught. Or, we grew

up learning not to trust anybody, that the world was an unfriendly

place, and so we cut people out of our lives to be safe. So sad. I'm

taking small steps here, too. My New Year's resolution is to branch

out just a little bit, join an interest group or class (in person,

not online), get to know people outside of my " safety " zone. It

might take me the whole year to do this, but I'm willing to give it

a try .

> So sorry that you were let down big time by your dad. My

experience with people who let me down this way was that I learned

to never, ever ask for their help in any way, and never accepted it

when it was offered either (another learning experience, cause even

when it was offered, the persons wouldn't come through.) Because

of this, it has been very difficult for me to trust/depend on

anyone. As I am becoming better at dealing with the effects of

being raised by nada, I am just beginning to 'dare' to show trust

to people in some small ways. I am hoping that I will eventually

heal in this area too. I think the difficulty is understanding who

to trust, cause as KOs, we were really messed with in this area.

>

> Sylvia

[Guest guest]

and Syliva,

, I'm so sorry about your dad letting you down. Living under

the radar, being afraid, all that rings so true with us here. I feel

for you, but you will prevail.

Sylvia,

You wrote:

>..... I learned to never, ever ask for their help in any way, and

never accepted it when it was offered either ..... Because of this,

it has been very difficult for me to trust/depend on anyone.

I don't ask for help either. I get all squirmy when I have no other

alternative. Once I had a flat tire on the road and a man stopped to

help me. Nada was with me and she and he watched me indulgently while

*I* changed the tire, all the while discussing how very liberated we

silly women were these days.

Les