Letter to Nada

[Guest guest]

Dear all

I haven't posted here for a while but i have decided to leave my nada a letter

when i return to London this evening after the Christmas period which has been

incredibly painful being around nada, it was just about bearable until my

younger brother (Al, who is 22) left to go back to university early - as he

couldn't tolerate her any longer and my dad went away to France for a few days

for the same reason. Since they left it seems i have been her next target and

she has been simply vile to me. I do not expect this letter to do any good

whatsoever but it feels good for me! I am going to leave with the letter an

explanation of BPD in the vain hope that she will read it over the next couple

of days when she is left by herself and will hopefully take the time to think

about a few things. Anyway, thought i would share with you what i have written

to her:

" I thought it may be constructive for me to tell you quite how unpleasant and

miserable spending the last two days at home alone with you have been. I am

returning to London much earlier than i had planned and do not like myself for

having to write this to you, however i feel it is important and only fair that

you should know.

I have cried for the past two evenings due to the spiteful, vindictive and

horrid things that you have said or muttered to me, i may be adult but it is

still hurtful to hear the venom and hatred in your voice when you say those

things that i rather suspect your memory will now conveniently choose to deny

you the recollection of, but perhaps you can try to recall them, and ask

yourself why you so obviously hate me so much yet still seemingly (at times)

want to maintain the pretence of a mother/daughter relationship?

I know i speak for Al and myself when i say that these conflicting projected

emotions are incredibly confusing for us, we are your children and surely have

never done anything severe enough to deserve this kind of extreme love/hate

punishment?

I now regret having told you about aspects of my life that you would have

otherwise not known about, for fear that you will use them in some way to try

and hurt me, it is very sad that i feel this way but this lack of trust must

come from somewhere.

If you can for a moment consider the possibility that the problems within our

family may stem from your behaviour then please read the enclosed explanation of

what i fear may be the cause at the heart of all of this - Borderline

Personality Disorder.

I may well have dug my own grave by writing this to you but i only do so with

the intention of trying to help you to help and understand yourself and the

impact that you have on those around you. Fundamentally i am trying to make you

aware of this destructive behaviour before it totally destroys what little we

all have left to call a 'family'. "

Do you guys think i'm setting myself up for a major fall!?

Vix

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