Guest guest Posted December 29, 2004 Report Share Posted December 29, 2004 (snip) >Again, welcome! I look forward to your subsequent posts. > Thank you very much, . I'm feeling quite shy and uncertain about the whole thing right now, but I'm encouraged by the warmth I've seen in this community so far. I've seen other thoughts and feelings posted, and I swear I just about fall out of my chair because I felt so *alone*, thinking these things were all in my head, or I really *am* just exaggerating; stuff like that. I still question myself. Replaying old tapes in which nada (and psycho stepfather #2) would ridicule me when I tried to express my feelings. So, I second-guess myself constantly when trying to make sense of nada and her behavior. I struggle with that a lot. Makes me feel scared that I could be *wrong*- that nada isn't as nutty as I internalize and feel she is- that it's *my* problem after all. So, I've been pretty unhappy lately with all this stuff stewing around, thanks to nada's recent Bad Mood Fallout. She called and left a msg apologizing, but I'm not sure she even knows what she's apologizing for. I have this sneaking suspicion she doesn't. She sees I'm gone, I'm angry, and something tells me that she knows apologizing is something you do when you want someone around again. Or maybe she really does feel contrite? But then, if she IS really contrite, does that mean I'm wrong and she isn't mentally ill? I'm so confused about all of this. Everything feels so topsy-turvy, and I can't tell if that's MY problem, or if it's because of nada. Thank you again for your welcome, btw... I'm starting to feel a bit self-conscious now so I'm going to re-scurry back into lurkdom... -Ilex " To heal the burning of your sorrow, I seek a flame. To gather the dust of your door, I seek the palms of my hands. To deal with you hiding behind your holiness, I seek a good time instead. " -Rumi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2004 Report Share Posted December 29, 2004 Hey Was just reading the post below. OMG, this is how I feel as well. My brother just told me that indeed I am the black sheep, and that my nadas behavior is not abuse. Its only been a short while away from her and I feel so free, so peaceful thjat when I look at the situation, I keep thinking, it cannot be that bad. Maybe my brother is right, maybe its me. My friends and therapist assure me that my relationship does a lot of damage to my well being and speak of the last time I was away from her--how much I grew. But its still my mother, and I wish it werent so. Her birthday is coming up and I am torn, does anyone have any advice. I am feeling very guilty about imposing these boundaries on my mother. Am I beeing masochistic? sarah " ilex 011. " wrote: (snip) >Again, welcome! I look forward to your subsequent posts. > Thank you very much, . I'm feeling quite shy and uncertain about the whole thing right now, but I'm encouraged by the warmth I've seen in this community so far. I've seen other thoughts and feelings posted, and I swear I just about fall out of my chair because I felt so *alone*, thinking these things were all in my head, or I really *am* just exaggerating; stuff like that. I still question myself. Replaying old tapes in which nada (and psycho stepfather #2) would ridicule me when I tried to express my feelings. So, I second-guess myself constantly when trying to make sense of nada and her behavior. I struggle with that a lot. Makes me feel scared that I could be *wrong*- that nada isn't as nutty as I internalize and feel she is- that it's *my* problem after all. So, I've been pretty unhappy lately with all this stuff stewing around, thanks to nada's recent Bad Mood Fallout. She called and left a msg apologizing, but I'm not sure she even knows what she's apologizing for. I have this sneaking suspicion she doesn't. She sees I'm gone, I'm angry, and something tells me that she knows apologizing is something you do when you want someone around again. Or maybe she really does feel contrite? But then, if she IS really contrite, does that mean I'm wrong and she isn't mentally ill? I'm so confused about all of this. Everything feels so topsy-turvy, and I can't tell if that's MY problem, or if it's because of nada. Thank you again for your welcome, btw... I'm starting to feel a bit self-conscious now so I'm going to re-scurry back into lurkdom... -Ilex " To heal the burning of your sorrow, I seek a flame. To gather the dust of your door, I seek the palms of my hands. To deal with you hiding behind your holiness, I seek a good time instead. " -Rumi Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2004 Report Share Posted December 29, 2004 How would you feel about this if the person were not your mother - if it was someone you were not related to you did the things your mother did to you? It is very unfortunate that we have to set boundaries with our parents, but we have to, because they abuse us (and often even when the boundaries are set.) Boundaries are for taking care of yourself - wouldn't a loving parent want you to do that? Have you tried to separate the idea of a biological parent from the idea of a loving and caring parent? By the way, I was the black sheep of my family. My parents couldn't deal with their dysfunction, so they focused on everything I did wrong instead. Many times, I didn't even do anything, but as you know with BPD, the truth doesn't matter. Hope you are feeling better, Sylvia > > (snip) > >Again, welcome! I look forward to your subsequent posts. > > > > > Thank you very much, . I'm feeling quite shy and uncertain > about the whole thing > right now, but I'm encouraged by the warmth I've seen in this community so far. > I've seen other thoughts and feelings posted, and I swear I just about > fall out of my chair because I felt so *alone*, thinking these things > were all in my head, or I really *am* just exaggerating; stuff like > that. I still question myself. Replaying old tapes in which nada (and > psycho stepfather #2) would ridicule me when I tried to express my > feelings. So, I second-guess myself constantly when trying to make > sense of nada and her behavior. I struggle with that a lot. Makes me > feel scared that I could be *wrong*- that nada isn't as nutty as I > internalize and feel she is- that it's *my* problem after all. > > So, I've been pretty unhappy lately with all this stuff stewing > around, thanks to nada's recent Bad Mood Fallout. She called and left > a msg apologizing, but I'm not sure she even knows what she's > apologizing for. I have this sneaking suspicion she doesn't. She sees > I'm gone, I'm angry, and something tells me that she knows apologizing > is something you do when you want someone around again. > > Or maybe she really does feel contrite? > > But then, if she IS really contrite, does that mean I'm wrong and she > isn't mentally ill? > > I'm so confused about all of this. Everything feels so topsy-turvy, > and I can't tell if that's MY problem, or if it's because of nada. > > Thank you again for your welcome, btw... I'm starting to feel a bit > self-conscious now so I'm going to re-scurry back into lurkdom... > > -Ilex > > > " To heal the burning of your sorrow, > I seek a flame. > To gather the dust of your door, > I seek the palms of my hands. > To deal with you hiding behind your holiness, > I seek a good time instead. " > -Rumi > > > > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2004 Report Share Posted December 30, 2004 Hi! About boundaries in a different way ; there is a book by Thorpe about Einstein and his thinking. It descripes genious as an ability to think without the boundaries that are set for us by our families and the society. Breaking the patterns - like when a known solution does not work in a specific case, you go beyond and try to come up with a solution that will work and witch (in Einsteins case )could be a solution that no one had ever before come up with. Breaking the rules in a way that is not against a law, that only breaks the wall that was built around us, is not a wrong one, not against humanity (and in our case we are not building a nuclear bomb, LOL!)- it can give us a new life and brake the cycle of generations that are sick in some way (meaning no affence to anyone, just that my original family (FOO) has had it's share of mentally unstable people). If we are hurting, it is a sign that something is wrong. We live for ourselves and for our own families, and because our parents have not been able to appreciate us - and we know we are valuable human beings - we have to protect ourselves and stop others hurting us. It is not a thing one should feel quilty about. Only we can make your lives worthwhile. Hugs to you all and newbies Welcome! BM > > (snip) > >Again, welcome! I look forward to your subsequent posts. > > > > > Thank you very much, . I'm feeling quite shy and uncertain > about the whole thing > right now, but I'm encouraged by the warmth I've seen in this community so far. > I've seen other thoughts and feelings posted, and I swear I just about > fall out of my chair because I felt so *alone*, thinking these things > were all in my head, or I really *am* just exaggerating; stuff like > that. I still question myself. Replaying old tapes in which nada (and > psycho stepfather #2) would ridicule me when I tried to express my > feelings. So, I second-guess myself constantly when trying to make > sense of nada and her behavior. I struggle with that a lot. Makes me > feel scared that I could be *wrong*- that nada isn't as nutty as I > internalize and feel she is- that it's *my* problem after all. > > So, I've been pretty unhappy lately with all this stuff stewing > around, thanks to nada's recent Bad Mood Fallout. She called and left > a msg apologizing, but I'm not sure she even knows what she's > apologizing for. I have this sneaking suspicion she doesn't. She sees > I'm gone, I'm angry, and something tells me that she knows apologizing > is something you do when you want someone around again. > > Or maybe she really does feel contrite? > > But then, if she IS really contrite, does that mean I'm wrong and she > isn't mentally ill? > > I'm so confused about all of this. Everything feels so topsy-turvy, > and I can't tell if that's MY problem, or if it's because of nada. > > Thank you again for your welcome, btw... I'm starting to feel a bit > self-conscious now so I'm going to re-scurry back into lurkdom... > > -Ilex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2004 Report Share Posted December 30, 2004 bigmoomin1 wrote: > About boundaries in a different way ; there is a book by Thorpe > about Einstein and his thinking. It descripes genious as an ability to > think without the boundaries that are set for us by our families and > the society. Breaking the patterns - like when a known solution does > not work in a specific case, you go beyond and try to come up with a > solution that will work and witch (in Einsteins case )could be a > solution that no one had ever before come up with. Hi BM, And, this also defines creativity - where one thinks " outside the box " . But creativity isn't correlated with intelligence. One can be creative with or without lots of intellectual 'smarts'. I had an interesting association when I read your post and thought I'd share it. KOs are forced by their nadas/fadas to *conform* -- to think within a superimposed box with nada/fada rules. Recovery for a KO involves working their way through those barriers -- ie, thinking outside that superimposed nada/fada box. In the process of learning to do so they become their own person. Ta dah !! - Edith Just thinking out loud... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2004 Report Share Posted December 30, 2004 Right on Edith! That is just what I thought also. My son got the Einstein-book from his grandfather, it's a book for grown-ups, so I read the first chapters before he started it and got a similar association from it. You are right about creativity and also intelligence alone (without the aspect of concience) can be a dangerous thing. BM > > Hi BM, > > And, this also defines creativity - where one thinks " outside the box " . > But creativity isn't correlated with intelligence. One can be creative > with or without lots of intellectual 'smarts'. > > I had an interesting association when I read your post and thought I'd > share it. KOs are forced by their nadas/fadas to *conform* -- to think > within a superimposed box with nada/fada rules. > > Recovery for a KO involves working their way through those barriers -- > ie, thinking outside that superimposed nada/fada box. In the process of > learning to do so they become their own person. > > Ta dah !! > > - Edith > Just thinking out loud... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2004 Report Share Posted December 30, 2004 >.......> If we are hurting, it is a sign that something is wrong. We live for > ourselves and for our own families, and because our parents have not > been able to appreciate us - and we know we are valuable human beings > - we have to protect ourselves and stop others hurting us. It is not a > thing one should feel quilty about. Only we can make your lives > worthwhile. > > Hugs to you all and newbies Welcome! > > BM BM - this is very inspiring. You are so right - we need to take care of ourselves when we are hurting - and we shouldn't feel guilty for doing so. If we feel guilty, then it is time to work on getting rid of that guilt. Hugs right back at you, Sylvia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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