Guest guest Posted December 30, 2004 Report Share Posted December 30, 2004 > So why am I so concerned about them disapproving of my choice now? Is this a KO thing, to be hypersensitive to family approval? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2004 Report Share Posted December 30, 2004 Thanks . I never imagined that one phone call would throw me sideways for so long. It dawned on me the other day that one of the reasons I probably started my own business was so I wouldn't have a boss - one less person to seek approval from. The only person who can say I am doing a good or bad job is myself. Have had some interesting discussions with myself regarding my career choices when the approval thing is a consideration. I need to decide whether to give my aunt and uncle an update or whether to just let things play out. On one hand I want their input. On the other, I risk having them tell me I need to make more of an effort. I am not ready to deal with that possibility yet. I feel like such a chicken, and I am fearless in many other areas of my life. I know I need to take care of me, but I still have the nagging guilt of wondering who will take care of my fada? Jeanine > > > So why am I so concerned about them disapproving of my choice now? > Is this a KO thing, to be hypersensitive to family approval? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2004 Report Share Posted December 30, 2004 I am so sorry to hear about your disappointment. I don't think there is any reason for your family to think you are in the wrong. Your fada contacted you, and you tried to maintain the contact. He is the one who didn't follow through. If they ask, you could just tell them the truth. Your fada is reaping the consequences of his actions. I am just sorry that this had to affect you again. Take care, Sylvia -- In ModOasis , " Jeanine Kern " <jeanine@e...> wrote: > > > I just needed to share with someone who would understand my dissappointment > that nothing has changed with fada. He called me a couple of months ago, > after not having any contact (mutual decision) for many years. Told me he > doesn't want to be a hermit anymore (his own self description) and wants to > get back in life. It was the first " normal " conversation we have had in > many years. I have sent letters and pictures since then, trying to > establish a rapport again, since its tough to have a conversation with > someone who knows nothing about your life. I sent a Christmas card and > letter, and a Christmas gift. I have not heard from him since. I was so > optimistic that maybe he wanted to change, maybe he saw that there were > problems, and that he might get help. I was afraid to call on Christmas, it > still brings up terror feelings to have to initiate a call with him. I > think that since he hasn't made any effort to make contact, nothing has > really changed. I just need the support of my fellow KO's as I am pretty > dissappointed, not just in the situation, but that I allowed myself to > believe anything would change in the first place. I know better. This > cycle has been going on my whole life. I guess its just this latest " no > contact " cycle with him has gone on longer than any has ever occurred > before. > > I have to admit it has been nice not to have to deal with him all these > years. But the FOG is rolling in and I feel guilty for not doing something, > not doing more. I enthusiastically told my aunt and uncle, his brother and > sister, about my optimism for rebuilding our relationship and they were > excited. They both know things weren't right, I don't know they know about > BPD - but both have been supportive of my distance from him. I told my > mother, who has been divorced from my fada for 20 years, and she was the one > that re-clued me in that with BPD there likely won't be any change or > improvement. I can handle what goes on with fada, but I am having issues > with what the rest of the family will think, when the last they knew fada > was reaching out, and here I am thinking I should maintain the boundaries. > I know I shouldn't care, but I do. > > Our family went through a long period where nobody but my brother and our > mother (non-BP) knew what was wrong with fada. The rest of the family > thought my brother and I had been " tainted " by our mother's opinion when our > parents divorced. My fada threw a temper tantrum at my cousin's wedding so > now the whole family knows what we all had to put up with all these years. > So why am I so concerned about them disapproving of my choice now? Is this > a KO thing, to be hypersensitive to family approval? > > Just feeling icky about the whole fada situation today. > > Jeanine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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