Re: I'm new

[Guest guest]

Hi Suzanne, and welcome to the group! Feel free to ask questions,

make comments and generally mingle. If you don't have access to a

bodyfat measurement tool, take some tape measurements of major body

parts (arms, chest, waist, belly, hips, thigh, calf) and that will

serve as a great comparison tool.

Jen B.

> Hi,

> My name is Suzanne and I've just started the Body for life program

4

> days ago

[Guest guest]

Good morning, born2smile! You will find many a sympathetic ear here

and mentors aplenty. You came to the right place. Welcome!

Les

[Guest guest]

Hi-

Welcome, I am a newer member to the group too! I have been posting on

and off since the summer. That was when I found out about my mother's

BPD. Our stories sound similar. I am 32 and an only child of divorced

parents. My parents divorced in my adulthood. My nada was diagnosed

with Major Deprssion initialy, and now BPD.

My mother seemed like a " mild case " when I first heard about it. It

is sometimes hard for me to post here because it still shocks me how

pervasive my " mild case " nada's mind games played with my head. I

realize her BPD was not so " mild " to me.

I would be happy to chat with you. You can email me if you like. This

is a great site to vent your frustrations. When I feel overwhelmed by

the posts here I " lurk " and then join in when I feel ready. It also

helped to work with a professional counselor. It was scary at first,

but she has helped me figure out a lot of confusion in my early life.

I hope you find what you need, it seems you have already made a good

choice in looking for support here.

[Guest guest]

said;

>She called me 2 days ago

>on my cellphone and left a message that she needed to talk to me right

>away, had some news and then sobbed " I really need to hear your

>voice " .....WHY DO I FALL FOR THIS???? I called her back...and it is >just

>more of the same health stuff...she " has to " explain to me.... and THAT

>is why she acted so cruel while she was visiting. Not once did she

>mention the e-mail...not once did she even ask how I was feeling....and

>not once did she take responsibility....but she " begs for my

>forgiveness " . This is where I struggle.....I did not react at all to >any

>of her news...just said " uh, huh " .....and I think I said " I hope you >get

>it all worked out " , and that " I am working on forgiveness in my own

>time. " Of course now I feel guilty for not being compassionate and I

>just wish I could get her and this whole thing out of my head. I just

>don't know how to react anymore....I did call her back knowing that

>whatever I did would be perceived as wrong, and I felt as long as I >was

>comfortable with knowing that....it didn't really matter how I

>responded.

I know how you feel. My nada uses the crying and creating an

emergency out of a hangnail stuff. She is definitely a hypochondriac

which seems to run through most of the nadas I've read about here. I

think her fear that I am going to abandon her spurs most of this type

of stuff. That, and her volatile emotional swings. That " I really

need to hear your voice " could have been my own nada. I've heard all

the pitiful cries for help (manipulation) there are. And like you, I

was the 'light of my mother's life'.

My responses are cut down to uh huh, mmmm, oh, well, etc. most of the

time too. My sympathy and pity have been demanded for so long, I

can't give any willingly any more. One of the books I read quoted a

husband of a BP saying " Trying to fill my wife's needs is like filling

the grand canyon with a squirt gun....only the grand canyon has a

bottom. " I like to recall that whenever I feel at all guilty and

realize whether or not I respond compassionately, it really doesn't

make any difference. I can't fill her up. Hope this helps.

Dee