[modoasis] caught by nada at the hairdresser!

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the post!

Just today daughter and I unfortunately got caught in the same setting

as nada at the hairdresser (the beautician college where we get our

hair cut and nails done). I mean nada made major dumb comments to us

in the waiting room and I even told her I was considering it

harassment to which nada said, " Oooh, I guess that means you are going

to call the police " I got up and started to reschedule my appt,

not being able to take it any more but daughter wanted to stay b/c she

REALlY wantd to get her hair and nails done. We had to go sit on the

other side of the waiting room. When the lady behind the desk asked

nada if hers was on a separate ticket (we all have the same last name

- can I change mine?) nada said, " Yes, b/c they disowned me " If that

does not sound like a crazy person I don't know what does. Then when

daughter was getting her hair cut by a guy and I was not around at the

moment bc I was still getting my hair cut, nada went over to where

daughter was getting her hair cut and told her, in front of a guy and

gal working at this school, that nada has talked to 2 priests, one of

whom is my daughter's favorite priest, and both of them said " The

devil has entered the _____ family " The favorite priest of my

daughter's did mention to me a few weeks ago that he gathered that

nada is quite controlling. Well, I emailed him about what nada told

daughter b/c I just think it's ridiculous daughter has to put up with

that. I just said I did not know if he said that or something similar

but that nada told that to my daughter who did not believe he would

say that to which she said, " Go ask him " I told him I was letting

him know only b/c people with BPD do such things and it just makes

life that much more difficult for us, not that I want him to be in the

middle or that I blame him for anything, just that anything anyone

says to nada gets back to us in some way, most likely not in its pure

form.

Now nada called my sister immediately after that hair appt today and

left like 4 more messages and mentioned to sister I was thinking about

a restraining order. Now I never mentioned those 2 words. All I did

was tell nada I was starting to consider her actions harassment.

Let me guess - if I get a restraining order she won't remember why I

did such a thing, right?

Thanks for all your support! I'm glad some of you are following my

story; I know it takes up much time!

Theresa

> Theresa,

>

> I've been following your story ever since I joined the board. You

> have gone through h@!! with nada and it's great to hear you are doing

> so well. ;o)

>

> Your therapist sounds great - very validating and supportive with

> some good suggestions. I've always thought it must be tough living

> in a small town with nada. Sounds like you are learning to set

> boundaries even though nada is everywhere. Pat yourself on the back -

> you deserve it. If I were you I would be proud of myself for what

> you have done so far!!

>

> Thanks for sharing

>

> Stay strong,

> Kath

>

>

> > Hi, everyone

> >

> > I had my first meeting with a therapist who is an LPC social worker

> > who specializes in personality disorders.

> >

> > Basically overall she said I was handling things well and that I

> > should keep it up b/c if I don't keep it up, it's not unusual for

> > people like us to get depressed and anxious and all that goopedy

> gop,

> > too, then we can't take care of anyone. She mentioned how each

> time

> > I try to go back with nada it's getting involved in a sticky web b/c

> > it's so hard to get back out. gee that sounds familiar!

> >

> > Now my nada is in the process of finding a therapist who specializes

> > in personality disorders so that she can PROVE to my daughter in

> > particular that she does NOT have BPD. I asked my therapist if

> there

> > was any way my nada could kind of cheat on the test to make the

> > answers look like she is not BPD. she said hardly - the test is

> > weighted, so even if they ask a question like " do you do black and

> > white thinking " they will come around at least another 6 times with

> > that question worded in completely different ways so that people

> can't

> > really pick up on what they are after. Not only that, the first

> > portion of the test is 600 questions long. The entire test is

> several

> > hours over several days.

> >

> > My nada thinks I am supposed to call her and approve this therapist

> > she has found b/c I was the one who mentioned I would have to know

> if

> > it's the right kind of therapist for me to believe anything they

> might

> > say. Well, my therapist said not to call nada about that b/c then

> I

> > would be getting involved in the triangle again, the

> > Victim-Perpetrator-Rescuer triangle that BPs survive on (they only

> > survive with chaos). If I called her and said I approved or did

> not

> > approve of that therapist, I would be playing " rescuer " Not only

> > that, but you always lose with a BP. If I approved of the

> therapist,

> > she would find something wrong with her or wwonder why I did not

> > believe some results or something. If I did not approve, then it's

> my

> > fault we aren't making any progress in this relationship mess, etc

> etc

> >

> > Nada continues to hold my daughter's birthday presents hostage at

> her

> > house. Daughter's birthday was May 30. In the note in the flowers

> > nada dropped off at our house (the one I did not read) that

> mentioned

> > the youth leader comeing to eat the next day at nada's house so it

> was

> > up t o us to show us, that one of daughter's friends was coming

> over a

> > day after that to shave the horse and could perhaps walk the horse

> to

> > my house so Katrina could help shave it (which never happened b/c I

> > stayed home for that one), and also mentioned that daughter's

> presents

> > were at nada's house whenever we wanted to go over there and get

> it.

> > Well, we ain't goin'. Nada had previously mentioned to daughter

> sh

> > was going to bring her presents to church, so I guess she changed

> her

> > mind.

> >

> > Daughter has been real good about all this stuff, thank goodness.

> I

> > signed her up for a rescue horse group trying to find someone close

> > enough where she can volunteer to help take care of rescued horses.

> > She also still has that horse at the stable (where nada used to keep

> > the little horses) that the owner lets daughter ride b/c owner does

> > not have time, and the horse is so next to impossible from not

> having

> > been ridden regularly. duaghter likes trying to figure out how to

> get

> > the horse retrained.

> >

> > every once in a while I still wake up like if this is all a bad

> dream

> > b/c it's so weird we can't have a normal mother/ daughter

> > grandmother/granddaughter relationship. Seems like it should not be

> > difficult, but with BPs everything is impossible.

> >

> > Daughter's friend who sided with nada still does not respond to

> > daughter's emails. I mention to daughter not to be surprised she

> > would side with grandnada and that therapist said that kind of stuff

> > happens when people don't mind their own business (like that girl's

> > mother definitely refused to mind her own business when I emailed

> her)

> >

> > Therapist mentioned movie Mystic River where dire consequences

> > happened b/c someone was not believed. I mentioned Leap of Faith

> > movie. The sheriff in that movie had been trusted in that little

> town

> > for over 20 years; when he warned the community that this preacher

> guy

> > was a fake there just to rip off their money, they called him a

> > sourpus and did not believe sheriff. So this ripoff preacher

> > pretending guy comes in practically overnight, does a few con acts,

> > the community believed him, blah blah so I felt like the sheriff

> > with these homeschooler people who are believing nada. Of course

> > another one is The Forgotten

> >

> > The therapist said it's ok when we meet new friends (trying to avoid

> > nada sabbotage) to say something like " I am sorry i have to bring

> this

> > up, but my mother has a mood disorder so she may try to approach you

> > about ..... " so that the person at least is forewarnd. If we

> don't

> > say anything and nada approaches them like that, the person does not

> > know what to think and may drop us or just not respond to any of

> us.

> > Like that older man at church daughter and I were becoming friends

> > with. He still tries to talk to us but it's not exactly the same.

> > He has this big question mark in his mind thinking it's a trend that

> > younger people just don't want to be around old people, stuff like

> > that.

> >

> > Also, this weekendi is the 2nd horse show daughter has missed, so I

> > think nada is finally getting it that I am not letting up (of course

> > she has no clue as to why). My therapist said I can say things when

> > nada approaches me, including little white lies, to avoid getting

> > upset but keeps nada at bay such as if nada says " When are you going

> > to stop acting like this " and I say " I don't know yet. I will let

> you

> > know when I am ready " I said to therapist, " And I say this

> > knowing she will have NO clue as to why I am saying such things or

> > acting like I am " and therapist said, " Right. She definitely will

> not

> > understand " It's just about keeping the boundaries.

> >

> > Theresa

>

>

>

>

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>