[modoasis] still going strong so far

[Guest guest]

Hi, everyone

I had my first meeting with a therapist who is an LPC social worker

who specializes in personality disorders.

Basically overall she said I was handling things well and that I

should keep it up b/c if I don't keep it up, it's not unusual for

people like us to get depressed and anxious and all that goopedy gop,

too, then we can't take care of anyone. She mentioned how each time

I try to go back with nada it's getting involved in a sticky web b/c

it's so hard to get back out. gee that sounds familiar!

Now my nada is in the process of finding a therapist who specializes

in personality disorders so that she can PROVE to my daughter in

particular that she does NOT have BPD. I asked my therapist if there

was any way my nada could kind of cheat on the test to make the

answers look like she is not BPD. she said hardly - the test is

weighted, so even if they ask a question like " do you do black and

white thinking " they will come around at least another 6 times with

that question worded in completely different ways so that people can't

really pick up on what they are after. Not only that, the first

portion of the test is 600 questions long. The entire test is several

hours over several days.

My nada thinks I am supposed to call her and approve this therapist

she has found b/c I was the one who mentioned I would have to know if

it's the right kind of therapist for me to believe anything they might

say. Well, my therapist said not to call nada about that b/c then I

would be getting involved in the triangle again, the

Victim-Perpetrator-Rescuer triangle that BPs survive on (they only

survive with chaos). If I called her and said I approved or did not

approve of that therapist, I would be playing " rescuer " Not only

that, but you always lose with a BP. If I approved of the therapist,

she would find something wrong with her or wwonder why I did not

believe some results or something. If I did not approve, then it's my

fault we aren't making any progress in this relationship mess, etc etc

Nada continues to hold my daughter's birthday presents hostage at her

house. Daughter's birthday was May 30. In the note in the flowers

nada dropped off at our house (the one I did not read) that mentioned

the youth leader comeing to eat the next day at nada's house so it was

up t o us to show us, that one of daughter's friends was coming over a

day after that to shave the horse and could perhaps walk the horse to

my house so Katrina could help shave it (which never happened b/c I

stayed home for that one), and also mentioned that daughter's presents

were at nada's house whenever we wanted to go over there and get it.

Well, we ain't goin'. Nada had previously mentioned to daughter sh

was going to bring her presents to church, so I guess she changed her

mind.

Daughter has been real good about all this stuff, thank goodness. I

signed her up for a rescue horse group trying to find someone close

enough where she can volunteer to help take care of rescued horses.

She also still has that horse at the stable (where nada used to keep

the little horses) that the owner lets daughter ride b/c owner does

not have time, and the horse is so next to impossible from not having

been ridden regularly. duaghter likes trying to figure out how to get

the horse retrained.

every once in a while I still wake up like if this is all a bad dream

b/c it's so weird we can't have a normal mother/ daughter

grandmother/granddaughter relationship. Seems like it should not be

difficult, but with BPs everything is impossible.

Daughter's friend who sided with nada still does not respond to

daughter's emails. I mention to daughter not to be surprised she

would side with grandnada and that therapist said that kind of stuff

happens when people don't mind their own business (like that girl's

mother definitely refused to mind her own business when I emailed her)

Therapist mentioned movie Mystic River where dire consequences

happened b/c someone was not believed. I mentioned Leap of Faith

movie. The sheriff in that movie had been trusted in that little town

for over 20 years; when he warned the community that this preacher guy

was a fake there just to rip off their money, they called him a

sourpus and did not believe sheriff. So this ripoff preacher

pretending guy comes in practically overnight, does a few con acts,

the community believed him, blah blah so I felt like the sheriff

with these homeschooler people who are believing nada. Of course

another one is The Forgotten

The therapist said it's ok when we meet new friends (trying to avoid

nada sabbotage) to say something like " I am sorry i have to bring this

up, but my mother has a mood disorder so she may try to approach you

about ..... " so that the person at least is forewarnd. If we don't

say anything and nada approaches them like that, the person does not

know what to think and may drop us or just not respond to any of us.

Like that older man at church daughter and I were becoming friends

with. He still tries to talk to us but it's not exactly the same.

He has this big question mark in his mind thinking it's a trend that

younger people just don't want to be around old people, stuff like

that.

Also, this weekendi is the 2nd horse show daughter has missed, so I

think nada is finally getting it that I am not letting up (of course

she has no clue as to why). My therapist said I can say things when

nada approaches me, including little white lies, to avoid getting

upset but keeps nada at bay such as if nada says " When are you going

to stop acting like this " and I say " I don't know yet. I will let you

know when I am ready " I said to therapist, " And I say this

knowing she will have NO clue as to why I am saying such things or

acting like I am " and therapist said, " Right. She definitely will not

understand " It's just about keeping the boundaries.

Theresa