Guest guest Posted December 9, 2004 Report Share Posted December 9, 2004 Wow! I totally freaked out!!! But I think I'm okay now. What a roller coaster ride! I remember folks talking about that. I think it was Edith. I can't tell whether I'm getting better or worse somedays, withdrawing or taking care of myself, losing my mind or just now finding it....any thoughts? Ivorysoap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2004 Report Share Posted December 9, 2004 > I can't tell whether I'm getting better or worse > somedays, withdrawing or taking care of myself, losing my mind or > just now finding it....any thoughts? > > Ivorysoap Hello, Ivorysoap, I have no thoughts to help you but want you to know that you're not alone in your confusion. I feel EXACTLY the same way! I'm new to this board and reading the posts has been interesting and eye-opening, but I have trouble bringing myself to open up and talk about what's going on inside my head because I'm feeling fairly hopeless about ever being anything other than an absolutely hateful and wretched person. I feel a bit guilty about lurking even since the others seem so admirable. To make matters worse, I've realized in recent weeks that all I've been told over the years by my nada about my strong suits and talents, ideas about me that were then supported by my FOO, is a lie. I'm not really very good at any of it! I can say honestly that I have compassion (although it rarely leads to any good) and am good with numbers. That just about wraps up my good qualities. Wow! That just sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'll think on that and post more later. Maybe opening up wouldn't be such a bad idea. I'm just afraid to open the tap. What if I can't turn it off? I've worked so hard to keep this bottled up and I can't take the chance of having another meltdown. I've only recently started to truly recover from my last nervous breakdown. Love to all... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2004 Report Share Posted December 9, 2004 Ivorysoap, Glad to see that you are back. I had recently joined the board when you left - and don't have any words of wisdom for you. But it was great to see your name again on the list. I have recently started on the roller coaster - and I don't know whether I'm coming or going some days. And there are times (because I overdosed on reading when I first found out) - that I just can't think about it anymore. I'm on overload - and then I have to set priorities. Limit my reading time - do things for me. And it sounds like you did something like that. You were overloading and took some time away. Sounds healthy to me. BTW - I love your name - it reminds me of my grandma's house - it always smelled of ivory soap - and she was a great woman - so you're name brings me back to someplace warm and safe. Take care and may you find peace, Kath > > Wow! I totally freaked out!!! But I think I'm okay now. What a > roller coaster ride! I remember folks talking about that. I think > it was Edith. I can't tell whether I'm getting better or worse > somedays, withdrawing or taking care of myself, losing my mind or > just now finding it....any thoughts? > > Ivorysoap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2004 Report Share Posted December 9, 2004 Wow, I feel exactly like that. I distance myself from nada trying to decrease my stress (stress from her plus stress from job plus stress of homeschooling plus stress of daughter not getting to be with enough people like her) and that's when I also feel like the big bad guy. Even dad kind of wonders why I don't want to be around family (well, b/c to me it's NOT family). He doesn't say it but I know he is wondering it. So I feel like I am a meanie and half losing my head. I have to make it through those times okay to come out on the other end sometimes seeing that it actually helped things - that nada knows she cannot use me or my daughter as a door mat. Meanwhile I have to hold on and keep chugging at it even though I feel the FOG. Rollercoaster ride is one good description becuase you never know when a down is coming and if it will ever go up; once it's up you wonder how long until it's down again. The other image I have is it's like standing in the middle of a terrible storm with nothing to hold on to to keep from blowing away - just standing there like a pillar with my arms in tight trying not to be blown away (not easy for me b/c I am so small heehee) and knowing the storm will pass if I make it through but who knows how long it will take. Could also picture myself standing in this thick FOG not being able to go anywhere because I can't see and waiting for it to pass - kind of like havnig to survive in the dark sort of. ly, I am freaking out to a certain extent but I know it's necessary. Glad to see you again and glad to have this list !! Theresa > > Wow! I totally freaked out!!! But I think I'm okay now. What a > roller coaster ride! I remember folks talking about that. I think > it was Edith. I can't tell whether I'm getting better or worse > somedays, withdrawing or taking care of myself, losing my mind or > just now finding it....any thoughts? > > Ivorysoap Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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