Welcome Claude

[Guest guest]

This board has been a great comfort and help for me. It helps me keep

on track with my internal thinking.

Each time I read another story on the board I am touched with a desire

to help. My experience is different than yours, yet similar. All of

us here find so much in common we begin to feel we have known each

other a long time.

I do understand the sad feelings. It is really hard when you look

back into your childhood, the only one you know, and realize it wasn't

happy or normal. There were bright times in mine, but hovering over

it all was the feeling of anxiousness and responsibility that no child

should have. I can't imagine how it is to have a nada who uses

suicide to manipulate. (I guess that is what they are doing???) I am

so sorry for you.

You are so right to protect your young children from the craziness.

And so right to protect yourself. Have you read the books Stop

Walking on Eggshells, Understanding the Borderline Mother, and

Surviving a Borderline Parent? These books and the time I have spent

in them have helped me to find the truth about my nada. I always knew

she had problems, but didn't know what. So much of the dysfunction, I

blamed on myself. Now I know the truth and it is beginning to set me

free.

Through reading SWOE, I learned about my own problems as a KO. I have

tried very hard to take a serious, honest look at myself. I had

tendencies to make myself a victim with my nada, children and others.

To discover what I was doing (mimicking my nada) was a shock, but a

starting point for me to change.

You state that neither you or your brother is prepared to take your

nada into your home. Please don't feel guilty about that. There are

three of us sisters, and we all know not one of us could do that

either. We owe more to ourselves, our husbands, our children and

grandchildren than that. It would ruin our lives. It is sad, but just

a fact. So,I for one understand.

Welcome to the board and try to think of the holidays as just any

other day. I know that sounds kind of impossible, but I became quite

good at doing that for Mother's Day, (a great day for self-pity),

Thanksgiving, (The holiday when my five year old son died) and any

other holiday when I needed to. They really are just another day in

the year, and regardless of past celebrations each new family has the

right to make it what they want to. (Don't tell the merchants I said

that, or they will be out to get me LOL)

I will look forward to more of your posts and more of your story in

succeeding days.

Be good to yourself,

Dee