A mommy moment....( sorry LOOOONG)

[Guest guest]

Hmmm, had an interesting 4th of July, ya know, Independence day <G>

Okay I will set this up, My husband and I decded to get away (groan***) with our three kids, Shelby 10 (CP and Hearing Impaired) Libby 8 (full of 'tude) and 6 1/2 (Aspe/Pdd-nos, adhd, maybe bi-polar, not Potty trained). We drove from Kansas City to St Louis to see the fireworks at the arch. Mmmmm, ok. SO far so good, kids getting along, things go well, la-dee-da. Kids decide to swim at the pool, imparts the wisdom of the ages to all who will hear , I get "the looks" (ie: "Lady will you tell your kid to go away, I DO NOT CARE how many gallons of water are in the pool" yada yada yada) Okay we go out to the arch after Grant's Farm, lovely day, low cost, I spent the day wondering how many people I "know" from the list, we are on our way. Okay, ya know how yu make eye contact for some odd reason with someone?? I felt a need to rotate my head and met the eye of a young man and we continued on our way uninterupted with my making a mental note that the young man must be a "trekie" for no appearent reason, just noted it. A star Trek fan extreme, though there was no visible sign of that I just "felt " that.

Later I went back to the car for the camera, saw him again and he smiled at me and nodded (huh?)

Now I get back and pass him again, a nod sort of thing, feeling apprehensive, Why in a crowd of thousands (many many thousands) at several different spots have I made eye contact with one young man???

I sit down to ponder the oddities with the world I have been put in, watch my son going balistic with finger flapping madness, give him more meds, cradle him to his specifications, relax and see my "friend" come closer and sit near us watching us. Immediately I feel odd, he makes a couple feeble attempts to get my attention, counts his money, listens to my kids, makes me uneasy.

At one point he asks me if I am enjoying the show (hasn't started yet) asks personal but not intimate questions, I answer vaguely.

He is very interested in the interaction between my kids, I check the mom radar and cannot pinpoint my uneasy-ness......

He asks me to watch his stuff (a back pack and towel) I of course oblige. He returns and proceeds to show my kids some nifty maneuvers with his glow in the dark necklace and tells me of his really great light saber and his friend a dog that stars in a movie and the story gets odd....but I oddly get more comfotable. I have just learned this man (I find he was born in the wee hours of a morning 25 years ago, his mother's water broke at midnight....) is a child much like my own, he has connected with us as a family living with a stigma obviously similar to his own. He is doing it alone, and I can understand why, although I am ashamed to admit that. This brings me to my mommy moment, I have just learned I am in serious denial for the person my son may be as an adult....I am now mornign what I have denied 6 1/2 years. I almost asked hom how he learned to use the toilet for crying out loud! The thing is he was well learned in the facts, had a great deal of book knowledge, but social skills, well, he honestly tried. He was couteous although too personal with a stranger, kind though too kind for the same, you know what I mean.

My question now is how does one accept my child MY CHILD may be the social outcast some laugh at, some (like us) will befriend, many will ridicule, most will ignore and some will abuse. I would rather he be invisible.....but he cannot be and I just realised his disability may be ivisible but he in fact will be in the world, without me , one day. I want him to be happy. I cry when my daughters include in theri prayers that he be a fine man one day, not because I fear he will not but because I know their idea of a "fine man" will change to be an amalgum of distorted realities for the rest of the world, he will not change that much.

Okay enough rambling, please include in your prayers tonight the young man who told me his code name is "EJ" who taught me that my son will be fine, but others will become calloused and cold and uncaring, and that once in awhile he could teach an old lady (okay I feel old at 36)a new lesson her years of life had not yet done.

My love to all who read my rantings this far, and my many sp errors!

Rhonda B