Re: Asperger's: My life as an Earthbound alien

[Guest guest]

I wonder why she would come out and write an article like this, given how fascist newsrooms tend to be.

On the other hand, I noticed some of the same things she talked about. Even in the lower grades I always felt different than the others but couldn't really figure it out. Sometimes it was very subtle, such as my understanding things more readily than others and them not liking my interest in astronomy and such. Other times it was more obvious, or should have been, such as when I wasn't accepted into social things or when a group project or just a lot of them were hanging out, I was edged out and seemingly didn't exist.

In a message dated 3/30/2008 12:57:53 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/03/28/autism.essay/?imw=Y & iref=mpstoryemailMarch 28, 2008 -- Updated 1410 GMT (2210 HKT)Asperger's: My life as an Earthbound alienOne CNN manager recently learned -- at 48 -- that she has Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism. Today she shares an inside view of life with the condition. ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Recently, at 48 years of age, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. For most of my life, I knew that I was "other," not quite like everyone else. I searched for years for answers and found none, until an assignment at work required me to research autism. During that research, I found in the lives of other people with Asperger's threads of similarity that led to the diagnosis. Although having the diagnosis has been cathartic, it does not change the "otherness." It only confirms it.When I talk to people about this aspect of myself, they always want to know what it means to be an "Aspie," as opposed to a "Neurotypical" (NT). Oh, dear, where to start . ...The one thing people seem to know about Asperger's, if they know anything at all, is the geek factor. Bill Gates is rumored to be an Aspie. We tend to have specialized interests, and we will talk about them, ad infinitum, whether you are interested or not. Recognizing my tendency to soliloquize, I often choose silence, although perhaps not often enough. Due to our extensive vocabularies and uninflected manner of speaking, we are called "little professors," or arrogant.I don't quite understand small talk, and early in my adult life, solecisms were frequent. At meetings, I launch into business without the expected social acknowledgments. It's not that I don't care about people, I am just very focused on task. Do you have to rehearse greeting people to reinforce that you should do it? I do.I am lucky to have a very dear friend who savors my eccentricities. She laughs, lovingly, about one particular evening at a restaurant. Before she could get seated, I asked her what she knew about the golden ratio and began to spew everything I know about it. I re-emphasize how lucky I am to have her as a friend, because this incident occurred long before I was diagnosed.A misconception is that Aspies do not have a sense of humor. It is true that we can be very literal, so we often miss the humor in everyday banter, but we can and do enjoy even subtle humor. Our literal interpretations, however, can be problematic.In first grade, whenever someone made a mess in the classroom, the teacher would ask a student to get the janitor. The student would come back with Mr. (not really his name), who carried a broom and large folding dustpan. When I was asked to get the janitor, I looked all over the school and reported back to the teacher that I could not find it. After all, the person was Mr. , so the janitor must be the object, right?I lack the ability to see emotion in most facial expressions. I compensate for this deficiency by listening to the inflections in people's voices and using logic to determine emotional context. The words people choose, their movements, or even how quickly they exit a meeting can provide clues to emotion.I also have intensified senses -- touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound -- so I am attuned to lights, noise, textures, and smells. In a "busy" environment, I will eventually go into sensory overload and my mind will go blank. When this happens, I have to "go away" mentally for a brief period to regain focus. When I "return," I have to piece together what occurred while I was "away." The additional mental processing I must do to function every day is fatiguing, and I don't handle "ad hoc" very well. Being asked to respond quickly in the midst of all this other processing is difficult, sometimes impossible.I am so sensitive to touch that a tickle hurts me. This is the hardest concept for most people to understand. How can a tickle hurt? All I can tell you is that it does, so I avoid being touched except by those who have learned how to touch me.Hugs are dispensed infrequently, but if I do hug someone, I resemble enstein's monster, arms extended to control contact. When my dad (who I suspect is an Aspie, too) and I hug, we both have "the approach." We sometimes miss and have to re-approach a couple of times until a brief, awkward hug is achieved.In school, other children noted my differences, and I was bullied (and tickled into fits of despair) for years. Already needing extended periods of time alone, my response was to become even more of a loner. Uh oh. When you are weird, you are a joke. When you are a loner, you frighten people. It's always the quiet ones. ...I am married (wow!), and my brilliant husband is an absolute sweetheart. I don't know any other man who has the self-confidence to be pushed away (sometimes sharply), both physically and mentally, as often as he has been. He has been gentle and patient (and, yes, frequently emotionally depleted) as we both worked through my need for space, tendency to go so deep into my own world that the real world and everyone in it cease to exist, and sensitivity to touch during the 26 (soon to be 27) years of our marriage.I live with anxiety, because the world can be overwhelming and people have expectations that I always, sooner or later, fail to meet. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have been told that I am rude, inaccessible or cold, yet I have never purposely tried to harm anyone, nor do I mean to be, well, mean.I could tell you so much more, but instead let me share one last insight. Don't pity me or try to cure or change me. If you could live in my head for just one day, you might weep at how much beauty I perceive in the world with my exquisite senses. I would not trade one small bit of that beauty, as overwhelming and powerful as it can be, for "normalcy." Create a Home Theater Like the Pros. Watch the video on AOL Home.

[Guest guest]

" On the other hand, I noticed some of the same things she talked about.

Even in the lower grades I always felt different than the others but

couldn't really figure it out. "

Likewise.

" Sometimes it was very subtle, such as my understanding things more

readily than others and them not liking my interest in astronomy and

such. "

Same here. What bugs me is that I always had an interest in things that

the other kids didn't. A year would go by and then the kids would be

interested in the same things that I was expressing an interest in a

year ago.

" Other times it was more obvious, or should have been, such as when I

wasn't accepted into social things or when a group project or just a

lot of them were hanging out, I was edged out and seemingly didn't

exist. "

I did not catch on to how I was excluded until a few years went by. I

did not realize that many of the kids were polite to me...but they

didn't include me in anything they were doing either. It was as if they

were saving me for a rainy day in case I suddenly became " cool. "

Other kids would just tell me bluntly in various ways that I wasn't

wanted and to buzz off, or else they would seek me out an pummel me.

For me, it was frustrating that most of these kids were behind me

intellectually, but excluded me in such a way as to make me feel that

the reason they did not want me around was because I was inferior. I

hated them for that.

In college, I even encountered the same thing until most of those kids

flunked out. Those of us who remained were mostly like me, and I got

along with them okay, although I was still socially excluded in

that " polite " way. What was refreshing also was that some of the

college folks were SMARTER than I was, so they were interesting to be

around for a change...provided they weren't frat rats.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

For me it wasn't so much being a rainy day friend, but rather the friend when everyone was at home and no one better was around. They pretty much stated that with me in earshot a couple of times. But expecting better from them was a lost cause. They were such brutes anyway as some of the stories I have told in the past show.

I too noticed that I was smarter than most of the other students. That was actually what singled me out I think because they often tormented me about being so smart and knowing all that stuff. it is much easier for the physically larger and stronger brute to dominate a social situation than a smart person because the brute can physically make the others go away or be hurt. It did make me feel inferior and angry not just at them, but the sheeple as well who just let it happen so they could stay with the in crowd.

I liked college for the education, but despised the majority of the students. Later, when I took an adult oriented course, it was much better. Everyone there was older than I was by at least a few years and they were serious about their education because they needed it for promotions or whatever. That's why I say college for those under 21 should be reserved for only the top 10% of high school graduates. Let the others flip burgers and things for a few years first to give them some respect for an education.

In a message dated 3/31/2008 1:14:27 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

I did not catch on to how I was excluded until a few years went by. I did not realize that many of the kids were polite to me...but they didn't include me in anything they were doing either. It was as if they were saving me for a rainy day in case I suddenly became "cool." Create a Home Theater Like the Pros. Watch the video on AOL Home.

[Guest guest]

" I too noticed that I was smarter than most of the other students. That

was actually what singled me out I think because they often tormented

me about being so smart and knowing all that stuff. "

Sometimes I question whether or not I - or any other Aspie for that

matter - is really any more intelligent than any NT. Yes, our (on

average) higher IQs tend to prove otherwise, yet it seems that Aspies

have a tendency to buckle down and actually do the work when they are

at school, whereas NTs balance their efforts between school and

socializing...thus they do not seem to learn as much.

I wonder if may socializing actually LOWERS a person's IQ.

Food for thought.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

Also the cross-referencing to keep a story straight based on the lies already told, to try to limit the chances of slipping up and revealing a way to prove the lie, etc.

In a message dated 4/2/2008 5:22:27 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

More areas of the brain need to be used when you lie because of the invention required while telling the lie. Then of course there is the fabricating and the faking of facial expressions and body language as well.AdministratorPlanning your summer road trip? Check out AOL Travel Guides.

[Guest guest]

Probably takes up a lot of brain space and energy to remember

what/who is in and what is not and all the latest gossip etc etc, I

personally would rather use my brain for other things.

Watched an interesting programme on the brain not long back and as I

suspected lying does use up more brain energy. They had people lying

in MRI(?) machine and when people lied more areas of their brain lit

up than when they told the truth. So quite simply it does take less

effort to tell the truth :-)

>

> " I too noticed that I was smarter than most of the other students.

That

> was actually what singled me out I think because they often

tormented

> me about being so smart and knowing all that stuff. "

>

> Sometimes I question whether or not I - or any other Aspie for that

> matter - is really any more intelligent than any NT. Yes, our (on

> average) higher IQs tend to prove otherwise, yet it seems that

Aspies

> have a tendency to buckle down and actually do the work when they

are

> at school, whereas NTs balance their efforts between school and

> socializing...thus they do not seem to learn as much.

>

> I wonder if may socializing actually LOWERS a person's IQ.

>

> Food for thought.

>

>

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

" Still, I have always found it amusing that in order to socialize, so

many NTs have to have alcohol to do it. They call it a social

lubricant. "

Maybe because NT's idea of socializing is just so mind numbingly

boring, so if they poor alcohol onto the situation they don't notice

as much?

>

> Could be. Me, I like to have leisure time to think and analyze

information.

> If I have to work, then I work hard to get it done and out of the

way of more

> interesting things. School was boring though because there wasn't

that much

> new information and it went slowly, geared for the bottom end

students more

> than the advanced ones. As such, I developed poor study habits

which did bite

> me when I went on to college. However, the business course was

much easier,

> aside form the math classes, because it was more figuring out what

to do and

> making plans and carrying them out.

>

> Socializing probably does lower IQ. I remember as a child and into

my teens,

> that one of my former friends had this kind of " You're stupid too "

arua

> around him, such that if you were around him for even a few

minutes, your brain

> stopped working so good and he seemed to be smart one in group. Of

course that

> wasn't really the case. He was still an idiot, he just messed with

your brain

> somehow. Even so, he was always Mr. Popular, particularly with the

girls,

> still is from what I hear, even though he is a world class uber

pig, but I

> won't go into his more recent history.

>

> Then there is also the fact that studies have shown that drinking

alcohol,

> binging or not, can affect cognitive functions for several days

later. The more

> you drink, the more powerful the effect. So this means that all of

those

> partyholics in college are harming their ability to learn and all

the partiers

> at work are less effective because of the effect of the booze.

>

> Still, I have always found it amusing that in order to socialize,

so many

> NTs have to have alcohol to do it. They call it a social lubricant.

>

>

[Guest guest]

" Watched an interesting programme on the brain not long back and as I

suspected lying does use up more brain energy. They had people lying

in MRI(?) machine and when people lied more areas of their brain lit

up than when they told the truth. So quite simply it does take less

effort to tell the truth :-) "

More areas of the brain need to be used when you lie because of the

invention required while telling the lie. Then of course there is the

fabricating and the faking of facial expressions and body language as

well.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

wrote: " More areas of the brain need to be used when you lie

because of the invention required while telling the lie. Then of course

there is the fabricating and the faking of facial expressions and body

language as well. "

I didn't know that! Wow! That means that the 'brains' over at the

local public School Board aren't the lazy bums I thought they were ...

they're just super-exercising their brains! LOL!!!

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

Nothing wrong with a little loud music now and then, so long as it doesn't bother the neighbors. The shrill laughter is never a good thing though.

Still, you would think they would hear the small thud made by brain cells sheering off and landing squarely on the floor before them as the NT became more and more 'social.' Then again, I suppose the loud music and freakishly shrill laughter that usually accompanies NT socialization opportunities probably covers up the first sound.RavenPlanning your summer road trip? Check out AOL Travel Guides.

[Guest guest]

Around 2001 I was staying in a hotel in Mobile, AL. There was a convention of some kind being held there at the time, which was not unusual. Unfortunately, it was the first time that I had stayed in that hotel and didn't know that they had "hospitality suites" about every other floor. Long about 11:00 at night, there was a woman in there that laughed about every 15 seconds. She sounded a like a female version of the Penguin from the old Batman TV series with Adam West. I could hear her down the hall and in my room quite plainly even though I could hear no one else. By about 12:30, I had to call the front desk and get moved to another floor that didn't have such a suite. Luckily, they had an open room about 5 floors up, so I was moved in by about 1 AM. In the elevator, the porter asked if I was moving because of that woman because the short time that he was on the hall, she was driving him crazy too.

I don't know how those other people could stand to be around her.

The shrill laughter -- even at a distance -- always drives me to distraction in a very negative way. I find it's usually those with the most offensive laughs and voices who are the most terrified of 'not' being liked.RavenPlanning your summer road trip? Check out AOL Travel Guides.

[Guest guest]

A theory: People seek socializing where there are a lot of people. It is

the 'crowd' theory in Psychology (I'm not a Psych degree).

It goes by " hey, I found this great place where there were a lot of [pretty]

people! " . Would anyone go to a place that is empty and quiet?

The noise itself acts as an attractant as people go to see what it is. In a

way it's " only " us Aspies who run away screaming! I do! Can't stand that

music these days! Even loud Big Band (one of many favorite categories I

listen too, Easy Listening is the main one) tends to make my shy away.

It's the loudness that allows people to here it outside and assume it's a

popular place to so many will go in out of curiosity to a loud noisy place

(not machinery).

There a many enticing items of those places of gathering with loud music and

the bad stuff that naturally **follows**. First they want to be where they

can be 'seen' by friends as 'cool' and other attractions, then they gather

there, **THEN** they drink, then in worsening scenarios they do drugs these

days. And it's the lack of SERIOUS effort of parents to have their kids

" grow up proper and stay away from drugs & obey the rules " that allows the

kids to get into really bad stuff (Rave parties, etc.).

Unfortunately the violent behavior as I was taught is the result of large

populations. The more persons in a given area, the more trouble of all

sorts.

The list of reasons of attraction to the night clubs is long. See and be

seen. Do harmful things to oneself (it's in the mind of those who drink

heavily or worse). It's where everyone goes. And so on as to why a place

**becomes** popular. It's possible to open a nightclub and have it fail due

to lack of popularity despite loud music and alcohol.

Man, ain't socializing complicated?

An insight into my " hearing " preferences is that I enjoy the rhythm of

machines and can't stand aerobic, rock, etc. music as I discovered at one

place of work that I was fired from for complaining about the loud aerobic

music! The supervisor said that most employees can't stand the machine

sounds (not a cacophony, but it was rhythmic at this place) and wanted to

have loud music to cover it up.

God, hearing, NT's can be so weird! ;-)

Randy Garrett

Antioch, CA USA

-----<---{(@

Re: Asperger's: My life as an Earthbound alien

wrote: " Still, I have always found it amusing that in order to

socialize, so many NTs have to have alcohol to do it. They call it a

social lubricant. "

responded: " Maybe because NT's idea of socializing is just so

mind numbingly boring, so if they pour alcohol onto the situation they

don't notice as much? "

Still, you would think they would hear the small thud made by brain

cells sheering off and landing squarely on the floor before them as the

NT became more and more 'social.' Then again, I suppose the loud music

and freakishly shrill laughter that usually accompanies NT

socialization opportunities probably covers up the first sound.

Raven

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[Guest guest]

" More areas of the brain need to be used when you lie

> because of the invention required while telling the lie. Then of

course

> there is the fabricating and the faking of facial expressions and

body

> language as well. "

>

> I didn't know that! Wow! That means that the 'brains' over at the

> local public School Board aren't the lazy bums I thought they

were ...

> they're just super-exercising their brains! LOL!!!

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

mimi adds; as another person fighting the dinosaur establishment of

education, a quote that comes to mind is " I weep for the species "