Guest guest Posted May 28, 2004 Report Share Posted May 28, 2004 I am from Texas, too. I am a single parent of a daughter who will be 14 this weekend. Just last year I bought a house essentially to protect my daughter from my nada at least somewhat. It was a scary thing for me to do because I am single and I did not believe I could pull it off all on my own, but I was finally very desperate to get out. I had always lived with my parents until last year. My nada threw tantrums when I even first mentioned moving a year before that. So I had to have my daughter play outside A LOT to try to my daughter from being exposed to my mother (I work a full-time second shift from home). When I finally moved out, my nada made it very difficult. She said I had to take all my stuff out a patio door and around the house; I could not take any of my stuff through the house. She also started calling me a bitch and a slut, etc etc. My dad kind of tried to stick up for me against such name calling and of course my mother absolutely HATES such things because she hates her husband and never wanted me or my sister to ever like him - tried to keep us from communicating with him and mom pretty much painted a bad picture of him all our lives. Of course we were young and pretty much believed her. When my daughter was born I was going to put her up for adoption because I was in the midst of a severe 4-year depression and knew I could not take care of her. Nada talked me into keeping her saying she would take care of the child as long as I could not. Sounds nice. But now I wonder if she did not do this to have another person around to control. After the real cuteness wore off around age 3 my mom starts to treat a person like they are supposed to act like an adult or something - you get controlled, yelled at, punished for stupid things, etc. Up until a few months ago I did not know my mom is BPD. Makes sense - her mother was, too, really. Her mother passed away last year just before I moved out but the house was already bought before her mother died. She tried to make it out to everyone that I was being mean moving out in the midst of her mother dying. I held off 1 month after her mother died to finally move into my bought house. This past March my nada came to my house and broke my kitchen windows because she was upset griping about my dad and I told her I could not talk to her on the phone - I had to work. Then she called back and left nasty messages on my answering maching. So I disabled the answering machine but the phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing. So I disconnected the phone. Boy that made her angry. SHe drove to my house (we do not live far from her) and knocked on the door and rang the door bell. When I did not answer she rang the door bell repeatedly. My daughter was at home with me. After no answer she broke my windows (which I had the gut feeling she might do) so I called the police. They went to her house to ask if she did this and she admitted to it. They told her that if she came to my house uninvited again or even called without me wanting her to they could arrest her. Now my mom has told my daughter she got that incident off the police record ( I do not see how she could do that - I don't think that would be true). Now I do not think she will try to attack my house again. She thought it terrible I called the police on my own mother. My nada has repeatedly continued to harp on my daughter about how bad I am and her grandfather, etc. I had to keep my daughter from going to her horse riding lessons because when my nada gets you locked up in a car where you cannot get out is when she can be the worst so I told her she was not allowed to take my daughter anywhere for a while. Now the ultimate problem is my nada has 3 miniature horses at her house that my daughter loves and takes care of; problem is if I was not there nada could start harping on my daughter again. So then I would stand over my daughter while she was there and be late to work, etc. etc and that got to be way too stressful. I know that keeping my daughter from my nada is the ultimate solution but I would have to separate her from the horses, of course. You know my nada knows she can hold the horses over my daughter's head for any threat she would like to make. But get this - just last Friday my daughter told my nada to stop talking like she was doing (she had done that before but my nada does not listen, of course) - to stop talking about grandpa, her financial problems and stop talking bad about me. My daughter was preparing to go to a horse show the very next day with her horse. But my daughter got so fed up with listening to her talk that she walked home (usually my nada does not allow that - she does not even always allow my daughter to call me sometimes (which is why I give her a cell phone when I can but if nada sees her using it she gets angry). Anyway, daughter walks home with nada coming out the fence behind her saying she cannot go to any more horse shows and she is going to sell the horses. Did not phase my daughter - she was so fed up with nada. Well, ended up she DID go to the horse show next day because nada had already paid money to be in it - money is a very important thing to my nada. Now nada is acting normal again. My daughter did call her that lastFriday night and told her to quit talking about her problems. My daughter told her she has her own problems and cannot listen to hers, too. She told nada especially to stop talking bad about me. I hate my daughter to be in that position but at the same time, now that she stood up to nada and succeeded even through the ultimate threat - losing her horses - perhaps nada will know she cannot walk all over my daughter any more. She cannot use that threat any more. Yes, she will try to pick on her again I am sure but perhaps not at the same extreme. Because we all know that nada has the great fear of everyone abandoning her. My sister lives in Massachuessetts. I cannot move there because it is too expensive, but it has crossed my mind to move to Pennsylvania, at least. Problem is - how do I keep nada from following me? My sister thinks (and so do I really) that she will never sell her house, but my dad has been wanting to get a divorce so if that happens and nada ends up on the streets, how do I keep her from moving to where I live if I move to another state ? Theresa ________________________________________________________________ The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 28, 2004 Report Share Posted May 28, 2004 I am from Texas, too. I am a single parent of a daughter who will be 14 this weekend. Just last year I bought a house essentially to protect my daughter from my nada at least somewhat. It was a scary thing for me to do because I am single and I did not believe I could pull it off all on my own, but I was finally very desperate to get out. I had always lived with my parents until last year. My nada threw tantrums when I even first mentioned moving a year before that. So I had to have my daughter play outside A LOT to try to my daughter from being exposed to my mother (I work a full-time second shift from home). When I finally moved out, my nada made it very difficult. She said I had to take all my stuff out a patio door and around the house; I could not take any of my stuff through the house. She also started calling me a bitch and a slut, etc etc. My dad kind of tried to stick up for me against such name calling and of course my mother absolutely HATES such things because she hates her husband and never wanted me or my sister to ever like him - tried to keep us from communicating with him and mom pretty much painted a bad picture of him all our lives. Of course we were young and pretty much believed her. When my daughter was born I was going to put her up for adoption because I was in the midst of a severe 4-year depression and knew I could not take care of her. Nada talked me into keeping her saying she would take care of the child as long as I could not. Sounds nice. But now I wonder if she did not do this to have another person around to control. After the real cuteness wore off around age 3 my mom starts to treat a person like they are supposed to act like an adult or something - you get controlled, yelled at, punished for stupid things, etc. Up until a few months ago I did not know my mom is BPD. Makes sense - her mother was, too, really. Her mother passed away last year just before I moved out but the house was already bought before her mother died. She tried to make it out to everyone that I was being mean moving out in the midst of her mother dying. I held off 1 month after her mother died to finally move into my bought house. This past March my nada came to my house and broke my kitchen windows because she was upset griping about my dad and I told her I could not talk to her on the phone - I had to work. Then she called back and left nasty messages on my answering maching. So I disabled the answering machine but the phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing. So I disconnected the phone. Boy that made her angry. SHe drove to my house (we do not live far from her) and knocked on the door and rang the door bell. When I did not answer she rang the door bell repeatedly. My daughter was at home with me. After no answer she broke my windows (which I had the gut feeling she might do) so I called the police. They went to her house to ask if she did this and she admitted to it. They told her that if she came to my house uninvited again or even called without me wanting her to they could arrest her. Now my mom has told my daughter she got that incident off the police record ( I do not see how she could do that - I don't think that would be true). Now I do not think she will try to attack my house again. She thought it terrible I called the police on my own mother. My nada has repeatedly continued to harp on my daughter about how bad I am and her grandfather, etc. I had to keep my daughter from going to her horse riding lessons because when my nada gets you locked up in a car where you cannot get out is when she can be the worst so I told her she was not allowed to take my daughter anywhere for a while. Now the ultimate problem is my nada has 3 miniature horses at her house that my daughter loves and takes care of; problem is if I was not there nada could start harping on my daughter again. So then I would stand over my daughter while she was there and be late to work, etc. etc and that got to be way too stressful. I know that keeping my daughter from my nada is the ultimate solution but I would have to separate her from the horses, of course. You know my nada knows she can hold the horses over my daughter's head for any threat she would like to make. But get this - just last Friday my daughter told my nada to stop talking like she was doing (she had done that before but my nada does not listen, of course) - to stop talking about grandpa, her financial problems and stop talking bad about me. My daughter was preparing to go to a horse show the very next day with her horse. But my daughter got so fed up with listening to her talk that she walked home (usually my nada does not allow that - she does not even always allow my daughter to call me sometimes (which is why I give her a cell phone when I can but if nada sees her using it she gets angry). Anyway, daughter walks home with nada coming out the fence behind her saying she cannot go to any more horse shows and she is going to sell the horses. Did not phase my daughter - she was so fed up with nada. Well, ended up she DID go to the horse show next day because nada had already paid money to be in it - money is a very important thing to my nada. Now nada is acting normal again. My daughter did call her that lastFriday night and told her to quit talking about her problems. My daughter told her she has her own problems and cannot listen to hers, too. She told nada especially to stop talking bad about me. I hate my daughter to be in that position but at the same time, now that she stood up to nada and succeeded even through the ultimate threat - losing her horses - perhaps nada will know she cannot walk all over my daughter any more. She cannot use that threat any more. Yes, she will try to pick on her again I am sure but perhaps not at the same extreme. Because we all know that nada has the great fear of everyone abandoning her. My sister lives in Massachuessetts. I cannot move there because it is too expensive, but it has crossed my mind to move to Pennsylvania, at least. Problem is - how do I keep nada from following me? My sister thinks (and so do I really) that she will never sell her house, but my dad has been wanting to get a divorce so if that happens and nada ends up on the streets, how do I keep her from moving to where I live if I move to another state ? Theresa ________________________________________________________________ The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 28, 2004 Report Share Posted May 28, 2004 Hi fellow Texan. If you do decide to move to the Keystone state (which is just so beautiful- I love PA), then maybe if you don't want nada following you,don't give her your address and get all your information as unlisted? Just one idea. When you posted your stuff about your mother knocking your windows out and she said 'who calls the cops on their own mother? " I thougth to myself " What kind of mother knocks the windows out of her own daughter's house? " It is so strange how their mentally disturbed minds work, isn't it? Kerrie > > > I am from Texas, too. I am a single parent of a daughter who will be 14 this weekend. Just last year I bought a house essentially to protect my daughter from my nada at least somewhat. It was a scary thing for me to do because I am single and I did not believe I could pull it off all on my own, but I was finally very desperate to get out. I had always lived with my parents until last year. My nada threw tantrums when I even first mentioned moving a year before that. So I had to have my daughter play outside A LOT to try to my daughter from being exposed to my mother (I work a full-time second shift from home). When I finally moved out, my nada made it very difficult. She said I had to take all my stuff out a patio door and around the house; I could not take any of my stuff through the house. She also started calling me a bitch and a slut, etc etc. My dad kind of tried to stick up for me against such name calling and of course my mother absolutely HATES such things because she hates her husband and never wanted me or my sister to ever like him - tried to keep us from communicating with him and mom pretty much painted a bad picture of him all our lives. Of course we were young and pretty much believed her. > > When my daughter was born I was going to put her up for adoption because I was in the midst of a severe 4-year depression and knew I could not take care of her. Nada talked me into keeping her saying she would take care of the child as long as I could not. Sounds nice. But now I wonder if she did not do this to have another person around to control. After the real cuteness wore off around age 3 my mom starts to treat a person like they are supposed to act like an adult or something - you get controlled, yelled at, punished for stupid things, etc. Up until a few months ago I did not know my mom is BPD. Makes sense - her mother was, too, really. Her mother passed away last year just before I moved out but the house was already bought before her mother died. She tried to make it out to everyone that I was being mean moving out in the midst of her mother dying. I held off 1 month after her mother died to finally move into my bought house. > > This past March my nada came to my house and broke my kitchen windows because she was upset griping about my dad and I told her I could not talk to her on the phone - I had to work. Then she called back and left nasty messages on my answering maching. So I disabled the answering machine but the phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing. So I disconnected the phone. Boy that made her angry. SHe drove to my house (we do not live far from her) and knocked on the door and rang the door bell. When I did not answer she rang the door bell repeatedly. My daughter was at home with me. After no answer she broke my windows (which I had the gut feeling she might do) so I called the police. They went to her house to ask if she did this and she admitted to it. They told her that if she came to my house uninvited again or even called without me wanting her to they could arrest her. Now my mom has told my daughter she got that incident off the police record ( I do not see how she could do that - I don't think that would be true). Now I do not think she will try to attack my house again. She thought it terrible I called the police on my own mother. > > My nada has repeatedly continued to harp on my daughter about how bad I am and her grandfather, etc. I had to keep my daughter from going to her horse riding lessons because when my nada gets you locked up in a car where you cannot get out is when she can be the worst so I told her she was not allowed to take my daughter anywhere for a while. Now the ultimate problem is my nada has 3 miniature horses at her house that my daughter loves and takes care of; problem is if I was not there nada could start harping on my daughter again. So then I would stand over my daughter while she was there and be late to work, etc. etc and that got to be way too stressful. I know that keeping my daughter from my nada is the ultimate solution but I would have to separate her from the horses, of course. You know my nada knows she can hold the horses over my daughter's head for any threat she would like to make. > > > But get this - just last Friday my daughter told my nada to stop talking like she was doing (she had done that before but my nada does not listen, of course) - to stop talking about grandpa, her financial problems and stop talking bad about me. My daughter was preparing to go to a horse show the very next day with her horse. But my daughter got so fed up with listening to her talk that she walked home (usually my nada does not allow that - she does not even always allow my daughter to call me sometimes (which is why I give her a cell phone when I can but if nada sees her using it she gets angry). Anyway, daughter walks home with nada coming out the fence behind her saying she cannot go to any more horse shows and she is going to sell the horses. Did not phase my daughter - she was so fed up with nada. > > Well, ended up she DID go to the horse show next day because nada had already paid money to be in it - money is a very important thing to my nada. Now nada is acting normal again. My daughter did call her that lastFriday night and told her to quit talking about her problems. My daughter told her she has her own problems and cannot listen to hers, too. She told nada especially to stop talking bad about me. > > I hate my daughter to be in that position but at the same time, now that she stood up to nada and succeeded even through the ultimate threat - losing her horses - perhaps nada will know she cannot walk all over my daughter any more. She cannot use that threat any more. Yes, she will try to pick on her again I am sure but perhaps not at the same extreme. Because we all know that nada has the great fear of everyone abandoning her. My sister lives in Massachuessetts. I cannot move there because it is too expensive, but it has crossed my mind to move to Pennsylvania, at least. Problem is - how do I keep nada from following me? My sister thinks (and so do I really) that she will never sell her house, but my dad has been wanting to get a divorce so if that happens and nada ends up on the streets, how do I keep her from moving to where I live if I move to another state ? > > Theresa > > > > ________________________________________________________________ > The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! > Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! > Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 28, 2004 Report Share Posted May 28, 2004 Hi fellow Texan. If you do decide to move to the Keystone state (which is just so beautiful- I love PA), then maybe if you don't want nada following you,don't give her your address and get all your information as unlisted? Just one idea. When you posted your stuff about your mother knocking your windows out and she said 'who calls the cops on their own mother? " I thougth to myself " What kind of mother knocks the windows out of her own daughter's house? " It is so strange how their mentally disturbed minds work, isn't it? Kerrie > > > I am from Texas, too. I am a single parent of a daughter who will be 14 this weekend. Just last year I bought a house essentially to protect my daughter from my nada at least somewhat. It was a scary thing for me to do because I am single and I did not believe I could pull it off all on my own, but I was finally very desperate to get out. I had always lived with my parents until last year. My nada threw tantrums when I even first mentioned moving a year before that. So I had to have my daughter play outside A LOT to try to my daughter from being exposed to my mother (I work a full-time second shift from home). When I finally moved out, my nada made it very difficult. She said I had to take all my stuff out a patio door and around the house; I could not take any of my stuff through the house. She also started calling me a bitch and a slut, etc etc. My dad kind of tried to stick up for me against such name calling and of course my mother absolutely HATES such things because she hates her husband and never wanted me or my sister to ever like him - tried to keep us from communicating with him and mom pretty much painted a bad picture of him all our lives. Of course we were young and pretty much believed her. > > When my daughter was born I was going to put her up for adoption because I was in the midst of a severe 4-year depression and knew I could not take care of her. Nada talked me into keeping her saying she would take care of the child as long as I could not. Sounds nice. But now I wonder if she did not do this to have another person around to control. After the real cuteness wore off around age 3 my mom starts to treat a person like they are supposed to act like an adult or something - you get controlled, yelled at, punished for stupid things, etc. Up until a few months ago I did not know my mom is BPD. Makes sense - her mother was, too, really. Her mother passed away last year just before I moved out but the house was already bought before her mother died. She tried to make it out to everyone that I was being mean moving out in the midst of her mother dying. I held off 1 month after her mother died to finally move into my bought house. > > This past March my nada came to my house and broke my kitchen windows because she was upset griping about my dad and I told her I could not talk to her on the phone - I had to work. Then she called back and left nasty messages on my answering maching. So I disabled the answering machine but the phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing. So I disconnected the phone. Boy that made her angry. SHe drove to my house (we do not live far from her) and knocked on the door and rang the door bell. When I did not answer she rang the door bell repeatedly. My daughter was at home with me. After no answer she broke my windows (which I had the gut feeling she might do) so I called the police. They went to her house to ask if she did this and she admitted to it. They told her that if she came to my house uninvited again or even called without me wanting her to they could arrest her. Now my mom has told my daughter she got that incident off the police record ( I do not see how she could do that - I don't think that would be true). Now I do not think she will try to attack my house again. She thought it terrible I called the police on my own mother. > > My nada has repeatedly continued to harp on my daughter about how bad I am and her grandfather, etc. I had to keep my daughter from going to her horse riding lessons because when my nada gets you locked up in a car where you cannot get out is when she can be the worst so I told her she was not allowed to take my daughter anywhere for a while. Now the ultimate problem is my nada has 3 miniature horses at her house that my daughter loves and takes care of; problem is if I was not there nada could start harping on my daughter again. So then I would stand over my daughter while she was there and be late to work, etc. etc and that got to be way too stressful. I know that keeping my daughter from my nada is the ultimate solution but I would have to separate her from the horses, of course. You know my nada knows she can hold the horses over my daughter's head for any threat she would like to make. > > > But get this - just last Friday my daughter told my nada to stop talking like she was doing (she had done that before but my nada does not listen, of course) - to stop talking about grandpa, her financial problems and stop talking bad about me. My daughter was preparing to go to a horse show the very next day with her horse. But my daughter got so fed up with listening to her talk that she walked home (usually my nada does not allow that - she does not even always allow my daughter to call me sometimes (which is why I give her a cell phone when I can but if nada sees her using it she gets angry). Anyway, daughter walks home with nada coming out the fence behind her saying she cannot go to any more horse shows and she is going to sell the horses. Did not phase my daughter - she was so fed up with nada. > > Well, ended up she DID go to the horse show next day because nada had already paid money to be in it - money is a very important thing to my nada. Now nada is acting normal again. My daughter did call her that lastFriday night and told her to quit talking about her problems. My daughter told her she has her own problems and cannot listen to hers, too. She told nada especially to stop talking bad about me. > > I hate my daughter to be in that position but at the same time, now that she stood up to nada and succeeded even through the ultimate threat - losing her horses - perhaps nada will know she cannot walk all over my daughter any more. She cannot use that threat any more. Yes, she will try to pick on her again I am sure but perhaps not at the same extreme. Because we all know that nada has the great fear of everyone abandoning her. My sister lives in Massachuessetts. I cannot move there because it is too expensive, but it has crossed my mind to move to Pennsylvania, at least. Problem is - how do I keep nada from following me? My sister thinks (and so do I really) that she will never sell her house, but my dad has been wanting to get a divorce so if that happens and nada ends up on the streets, how do I keep her from moving to where I live if I move to another state ? > > Theresa > > > > ________________________________________________________________ > The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! > Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! > Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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