Guest guest Posted December 31, 2004 Report Share Posted December 31, 2004 Dear Vicki Good for you for writing this letter-it must have been cathertic to say the least. I recently had a verbal expression of the same sentiment. I said everything and more. My nada cannot relate at all in this state-she will comprehend it the next time she is lonely and she will then use it as fodder for the next split. Good for you and for me for taking a stand. Good Luck, and happy New Year. s Vicky Gaston wrote: Dear all I haven't posted here for a while but i have decided to leave my nada a letter when i return to London this evening after the Christmas period which has been incredibly painful being around nada, it was just about bearable until my younger brother (Al, who is 22) left to go back to university early - as he couldn't tolerate her any longer and my dad went away to France for a few days for the same reason. Since they left it seems i have been her next target and she has been simply vile to me. I do not expect this letter to do any good whatsoever but it feels good for me! I am going to leave with the letter an explanation of BPD in the vain hope that she will read it over the next couple of days when she is left by herself and will hopefully take the time to think about a few things. Anyway, thought i would share with you what i have written to her: " I thought it may be constructive for me to tell you quite how unpleasant and miserable spending the last two days at home alone with you have been. I am returning to London much earlier than i had planned and do not like myself for having to write this to you, however i feel it is important and only fair that you should know. I have cried for the past two evenings due to the spiteful, vindictive and horrid things that you have said or muttered to me, i may be adult but it is still hurtful to hear the venom and hatred in your voice when you say those things that i rather suspect your memory will now conveniently choose to deny you the recollection of, but perhaps you can try to recall them, and ask yourself why you so obviously hate me so much yet still seemingly (at times) want to maintain the pretence of a mother/daughter relationship? I know i speak for Al and myself when i say that these conflicting projected emotions are incredibly confusing for us, we are your children and surely have never done anything severe enough to deserve this kind of extreme love/hate punishment? I now regret having told you about aspects of my life that you would have otherwise not known about, for fear that you will use them in some way to try and hurt me, it is very sad that i feel this way but this lack of trust must come from somewhere. If you can for a moment consider the possibility that the problems within our family may stem from your behaviour then please read the enclosed explanation of what i fear may be the cause at the heart of all of this - Borderline Personality Disorder. I may well have dug my own grave by writing this to you but i only do so with the intention of trying to help you to help and understand yourself and the impact that you have on those around you. Fundamentally i am trying to make you aware of this destructive behaviour before it totally destroys what little we all have left to call a 'family'. " Do you guys think i'm setting myself up for a major fall!? Vix --------------------------------- ALL-NEW Yahoo! Messenger - all new features - even more fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2005 Report Share Posted January 2, 2005 ---I sent my mother an E-mail telling her I thought she might have BPD. I told her I knew she had a bad child hood, and that is common in BPD. I sent her the symptoms and behaviors of people with BPD and other information about it. She sent me am E-mail which said " Physician heal thyself " . That was the whole E-mail. Neither of us has mentioned it again. Did it make her think? Maybe, who knows. I really didn't expect much but you never know until you try. I would never go spend a few days at my mothers house. If it is that upsetting to you then maybe you shouldn't either. Mike In ModOasis , Vicky Gaston <vixgaston@y...> wrote: > Dear all > > I haven't posted here for a while but i have decided to leave my nada a letter when i return to London this evening after the Christmas period which has been incredibly painful being around nada, it was just about bearable until my younger brother (Al, who is 22) left to go back to university early - as he couldn't tolerate her any longer and my dad went away to France for a few days for the same reason. Since they left it seems i have been her next target and she has been simply vile to me. I do not expect this letter to do any good whatsoever but it feels good for me! I am going to leave with the letter an explanation of BPD in the vain hope that she will read it over the next couple of days when she is left by herself and will hopefully take the time to think about a few things. Anyway, thought i would share with you what i have written to her: > > " I thought it may be constructive for me to tell you quite how unpleasant and miserable spending the last two days at home alone with you have been. I am returning to London much earlier than i had planned and do not like myself for having to write this to you, however i feel it is important and only fair that you should know. > > I have cried for the past two evenings due to the spiteful, vindictive and horrid things that you have said or muttered to me, i may be adult but it is still hurtful to hear the venom and hatred in your voice when you say those things that i rather suspect your memory will now conveniently choose to deny you the recollection of, but perhaps you can try to recall them, and ask yourself why you so obviously hate me so much yet still seemingly (at times) want to maintain the pretence of a mother/daughter relationship? > > I know i speak for Al and myself when i say that these conflicting projected emotions are incredibly confusing for us, we are your children and surely have never done anything severe enough to deserve this kind of extreme love/hate punishment? > > I now regret having told you about aspects of my life that you would have otherwise not known about, for fear that you will use them in some way to try and hurt me, it is very sad that i feel this way but this lack of trust must come from somewhere. > > If you can for a moment consider the possibility that the problems within our family may stem from your behaviour then please read the enclosed explanation of what i fear may be the cause at the heart of all of this - Borderline Personality Disorder. > > I may well have dug my own grave by writing this to you but i only do so with the intention of trying to help you to help and understand yourself and the impact that you have on those around you. Fundamentally i am trying to make you aware of this destructive behaviour before it totally destroys what little we all have left to call a 'family'. " > > Do you guys think i'm setting myself up for a major fall!? > > Vix > > > > > --------------------------------- > ALL-NEW Yahoo! Messenger - all new features - even more fun! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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