Re:Letter to Nada

[Guest guest]

Vix says:

>I may well have dug my own grave by writing this to you but i only do

>so with

>the intention of trying to help you to help and understand yourself

and >the

>impact that you have on those around you. Fundamentally i am trying

to >make you

>aware of this destructive behaviour before it totally destroys what

>little we

>all have left to call a 'family'. "

>Do you guys think i'm setting myself up for a major fall!?

Hi Vix, You are eloquent in your statement to your mother. It may not

help her, if she is unable or unwilling to honestly think about it.

But my guess is that it will help you immensly. I didn't write to my

mother, but talked to her instead. Even though it really didn't

change much with her, it helped me.

One thing I dreaded was her dying and not knowing how I felt. I

thought it would be more difficult for me after her death. I now have

some peace in regards to this because she at least knows why I have

withdrawn from the emotional enmeshment we had. To her credit, she

does seem more restrained and less negative with me. I know not all

borderlines are capable of any change at all. I am sure she still

feels all the fear, guilt and mental pain she did before. She just

has come to know my boundaries and restrains herself a little with me.

It has taken months of resetting my boundaries. All this has made

her less trustful of me and uncomfortable as she views it as a sort of

abandonment. I wish it were not that way, but I refuse to live with

the guilt and anxiety I did the first 60 years of my life.

If you really think about it there is nothing much to lose as your

nada will be who she is either way. Could she do much worse than she

has the past two days? The important thing is your own growth and

boundary setting. Hopefully, one day, you will be able to let it run

off and know it isn't about you in any way.

Best of everything to you,

Dee