Guest guest Posted November 18, 2002 Report Share Posted November 18, 2002 > Hi ! Welcome to the BFL board. The official start date for the first > 2003 challenge is no later than Jan. 6th. I have a feeling most people will > support here on this board. Good luck! > > CJ Hello and welcome to the BFL board. I have been here now about a week and have received a lot of encouragement and guidenss since arriving. I also will be in the 2003 January challenge - at age 56 - have been happy with the results I have gotten already, but look forward to the focus the challenge will instill. TwoWalks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2004 Report Share Posted September 9, 2004 I am brand new to this group and wish I had found it many years ago. I am happily married with three children and a BPD mother who has tried to control and ruin my life and marriage most of my life. It was only recently, after speaking with a social worker about my mother's volatile, threatening, and controlling mother that I was directed by the social worker to Ann Lawson's book " Understanding the Borderline Mother. " I was told that my mother sounded like a combination of all four BPD personality types, but primarily the witch. My mother's daily and fulltime efforts were directed toward stalking me, terrorizing me, and driving me crazy. Thank goodness for caller ID, as I would not answer any one of her 30-50 phone calls per day that would be made on a continual basis. If my mother found out I was going on vacation, she would attempt to call the airline, pretend to be me, and cancel the reservation made for my family. She projected all of her fears, paranoia, hatred of herself/life onto me. Any joy that I tried to share with her was downplayed and turned into guilt/shame. When she had a fall, she wanted me to move away from my family and in with her so I could be her full-time attendant. She would scream, curse, and threaten me in every possible way if I didn't give in to every whim she had. Finally, during one trip out of the country with my child, my husband called and said my mother was outraged that I took a trip and my mother wanted me to return home immediately because " I would be responsible for my child's death by vacationing in Cancun " and furthermore, she would also disinherit me. I told my husband I coudn't take any more of my mother's years of abuse and stalking and she should consider me deceased so that I could have peace of mind. I had a glorious six months of peace when I didn't speak with my mother. Then she had a fall in her home and broke her shoulder. Instead of paying for a nurse, she requested that I leave my family and move in with her full-time as her servant. Also, she had three dogs that needed to be cooked for four times a day, brushed, taken out to a god run a dozen times, and the dog run needed to be cleaned out and sprayed down three times per day with a strong and probably toxic cleaner. Can you imagine that this woman who had the funds for help felt I should leave my family and come work for her fulltime because " why pay for help when you can get it for free? " I refused and she threatened me more. Finally, she saw I wasn't going to move in and she hired someone who had to work like a slave. Several of the people quit and finally she recuperated. A mutual friend told my mother that I wasn't her little girl anymore who she could control. We started to speak again, but after a few months, my mother got back into the " witch " mode and tried controlling, threatening, demeaning me, etc. Mom had another fall and a hairline fracture and wanted me to move in fulltime again. I said no and she said the reason she has falls is because I take trips and abandon her. Now she started to say that if I travel it is to abandon her so she can die. After trying to be nice and call my mom, I have found I can no longer speak with her on the phone. The last few months of phone calls were filled with viscious comments, screaming, cursing, threatening on her part. Of course, I am dumb enough to be the victim. Several times though, I said, I will not continue when she speaks to me in her usual manner and she got even worse. It finally got to the point where I would shake and get upset when I knew I had to call MOm. I noticed that I would get nasty to my own family when I knew it was the day to call. I decided that I can't be nasty to my family and I am entitled to put myself, my sanity,and my happiness first and my mother last. So, I have not spoken to her in 2 months and my life is happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2004 Report Share Posted September 9, 2004 Good for you, she sounds awful. You know what? My nada has been dead seven years. I'm 36. The past year I started keeping track of my nervous times of day and discovered that between 3pm-6pm I am a wreck... twenty five years after her daily torment of me between 3pm as I came in from school to 6pm when my fada came in from work. Imagine, the power of such emotional garbage that my body holds it to this day. I have to take meds to help me to deal with my boys' afterschool experiences without freaking out. I want them to come home to a smiling Mom who gives them hugs, listens to their day and lets them interact, helps with homework, etc. Instead of getting twitchy about papers on floor, noisy running in hall, yelling at them for squabbling. I hate it when I find myself yelling. I know it doesnt mean I'm HER, but one of my kids is very manipulative and if I get upset enough top yell he puts on this huge guilt act, starts acting fake-scared and jumping like he's scared of me, which good grief my yell is just a grumpy " stop jumping on that couch " not a six hour psychotic tirade of spittle-flying rage that invades my brain and twists my every action for the past year. Where am I going with this again? Who knows but wow that feels better, I think I'll forward this to my wonderful husband. Love, Jana spengrove18 wrote: I am brand new to this group and wish I had found it many years ago. I am happily married with three children and a BPD mother who has tried to control and ruin my life and marriage most of my life. It was only recently, after speaking with a social worker about my mother's volatile, threatening, and controlling mother that I was directed by the social worker to Ann Lawson's book " Understanding the Borderline Mother. " I was told that my mother sounded like a combination of all four BPD personality types, but primarily the witch. My mother's daily and fulltime efforts were directed toward stalking me, terrorizing me, and driving me crazy. Thank goodness for caller ID, as I would not answer any one of her 30-50 phone calls per day that would be made on a continual basis. If my mother found out I was going on vacation, she would attempt to call the airline, pretend to be me, and cancel the reservation made for my family. She projected all of her fears, paranoia, hatred of herself/life onto me. Any joy that I tried to share with her was downplayed and turned into guilt/shame. When she had a fall, she wanted me to move away from my family and in with her so I could be her full-time attendant. She would scream, curse, and threaten me in every possible way if I didn't give in to every whim she had. Finally, during one trip out of the country with my child, my husband called and said my mother was outraged that I took a trip and my mother wanted me to return home immediately because " I would be responsible for my child's death by vacationing in Cancun " and furthermore, she would also disinherit me. I told my husband I coudn't take any more of my mother's years of abuse and stalking and she should consider me deceased so that I could have peace of mind. I had a glorious six months of peace when I didn't speak with my mother. Then she had a fall in her home and broke her shoulder. Instead of paying for a nurse, she requested that I leave my family and move in with her full-time as her servant. Also, she had three dogs that needed to be cooked for four times a day, brushed, taken out to a god run a dozen times, and the dog run needed to be cleaned out and sprayed down three times per day with a strong and probably toxic cleaner. Can you imagine that this woman who had the funds for help felt I should leave my family and come work for her fulltime because " why pay for help when you can get it for free? " I refused and she threatened me more. Finally, she saw I wasn't going to move in and she hired someone who had to work like a slave. Several of the people quit and finally she recuperated. A mutual friend told my mother that I wasn't her little girl anymore who she could control. We started to speak again, but after a few months, my mother got back into the " witch " mode and tried controlling, threatening, demeaning me, etc. Mom had another fall and a hairline fracture and wanted me to move in fulltime again. I said no and she said the reason she has falls is because I take trips and abandon her. Now she started to say that if I travel it is to abandon her so she can die. After trying to be nice and call my mom, I have found I can no longer speak with her on the phone. The last few months of phone calls were filled with viscious comments, screaming, cursing, threatening on her part. Of course, I am dumb enough to be the victim. Several times though, I said, I will not continue when she speaks to me in her usual manner and she got even worse. It finally got to the point where I would shake and get upset when I knew I had to call MOm. I noticed that I would get nasty to my own family when I knew it was the day to call. I decided that I can't be nasty to my family and I am entitled to put myself, my sanity,and my happiness first and my mother last. So, I have not spoken to her in 2 months and my life is happy. Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2004 Report Share Posted October 30, 2004 Dear Steve, Thank you so much for your suggestions on doing the work. I have worked on the shyness issue with many insights and have ordered the video on the jealousy. I was having a problem with another issue that I would like to do the work with and thought you might be able to provide insight on how to do it. The issue is that I get very annoyed when a married sister of mine spends all her time with her children and grandchildren (six grandchildren) and is ALWAYS with them and enjoys it so much. I don't know why this would be an issue but I find it so annoying that she is such a " giver " . She can't stand to ever say no to them and is terrified that they will think she is not " there " for them to an almost neurotic extent. I myself have never married (had many relationships) and never had kids and don't understand why I would be so annoyed by that. I don't think I WANT kids either and am quite happy with my single life, although sometimes I think that THEY all think I should be living a conventional married with children life. All that said, I also get annoyed with her because she is so perfect and always doing the loving thing. I guess it sounds crazy, but maybe I feel less than her in some way. So any ideas on doing the work with this type of issue? Any help would be most appreciated. Thank you very much in advance. I love reading your list and think the work is the greatest. > > Dear , > > Regarding jealousy, I recommend you purchase the video entitled > Resentment and Jealousy. It is Code: V00013 and the Price: $20.00. > To order, go to www.thework.org and go to The Work Store. > > Or else, fill out the 6 Question Worksheet and post it here and I/we > will help facilitate you in your work. > > Here is an example for doing The Work on being shy. > > I am upset because I am so shy. > 1. Is that true? > Feels like it is. > So, are you always shy? Aren't there times or situations when you > are not shy? So, can we say that you are not too shy, sometimes? > 2. Can I really know that being shy is the reason for my being upset? > No, but it feels that way. > 3. How do I feel when I think that I should not be shy and I am. > I feel helpless. I feel like a failure. I feel like I am not good > enough. > 3.a. So, can you see a reason to drop that thought - And I am not > asking you to drop it. > Yes. > 3.b. Can you give me one reason to keep that thought that creates > peace? > No. > 4. Who would you be without that thought (Let the mind ask the heart > and wait for the heart to answer.)? > I would not feel so much like a failure or that I am not good > enough. I might not be so shy if I thought that I was good enough. > I would be happier and more at peace. > > Original Statement: I am upset because I am so shy. > Turnarounds: > I am not upset because I am so shy? > I am upset because of " my thinking " that I am shy. > > > As far as one's own insecurities, I can't imagine anyone having a > problem like that? > > Ha! Just kidding!! You must be a member of the human race and suffer > from the same stores that many of us do. > > Blessings, Steve D. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2004 Report Share Posted October 30, 2004 Hi , Just wanted to thankyou so much for your ideas about doing the work. The work is AWESOME! Love, Evvie > Dear , > > welcome to this group. > > > Hi to everyone, > > > > Great to discover your group. I have been dabbling in the work for > > several years now. I listen to a lot of tapes. Just was looking > > for a suggestion as to how to do the work on a couple of issues. > > > > One is being insecure with my shy kind of introverted personality. > > Usually I feel okay just being me but sometimes I compare myself to > > others who are very " out there " and feel that I come out lacking. > > Anyone know best way to do the work on one's own insecurities? I > > have listened to tapes on " I Hate my Body " and find that I can use > > the work on that in somewhat of the same way, but haven't seen any > > tapes or examples of doing the work on oneself on just this type of > > issue or insecurity. > I usually go with: " I would be much happier/it would be much higher for > my path if... " - Can I *really* know that? > So that I get to investigate around my needs. > > > The other issue is kind of an extension of this, feeling my very > > extroverted boyfriend will like women who are more extroverted too. > > In other words, I guess the main issue here would be an issue of > > JEALOUSY. I haven't really seen the work done on this type of thing. > Now, maybe you would like to share some more? Is it a feeling you have, > or a fear? What is your evidence? > " He should not like other women " - Is that how it feels? > > > Any ideas or suggestions on how to do this type of work on these > > issues would be most gratefully appreciated. > > > > Thank you very much in advance. > You're welcome. > > Love, > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 Dear , This one stood out for me: > She can't stand to ever say no to them and is terrified that they will > think she is not " there " for them to an almost neurotic extent. How would you turn that around? Or maybe you would like to do a work on it. And share your insights with her. Love, Am 30.10.2004 um 22:54 schrieb evelyn9157: > > Dear Steve, > > Thank you so much for your suggestions on doing the work. I have > worked on the shyness issue with many insights and have ordered the > video on the jealousy. > > I was having a problem with another issue that I would like to do > the work with and thought you might be able to provide insight on > how to do it. > > The issue is that I get very annoyed when a married sister of mine > spends all her time with her children and grandchildren (six > grandchildren) and is ALWAYS with them and enjoys it so much. I > don't know why this would be an issue but I find it so annoying that > she is such a " giver " . She can't stand to ever say no to them and > is terrified that they will think she is not " there " for them to an > almost neurotic extent. > > I myself have never married (had many relationships) and never had > kids and don't understand why I would be so annoyed by that. I > don't think I WANT kids either and am quite happy with my single > life, although sometimes I think that THEY all think I should be > living a conventional married with children life. > > All that said, I also get annoyed with her because she is so perfect > and always doing the loving thing. I guess it sounds crazy, but > maybe I feel less than her in some way. > > So any ideas on doing the work with this type of issue? Any help > would be most appreciated. > > Thank you very much in advance. I love reading your list and think > the work is the greatest. > > > > > > Dear , > > > > Regarding jealousy, I recommend you purchase the video > entitled > > Resentment and Jealousy. It is Code: V00013 and the Price: $20.00. > > To order, go to www.thework.org and go to The Work Store. > > > > Or else, fill out the 6 Question Worksheet and post it here and > I/we > > will help facilitate you in your work. > > > > Here is an example for doing The Work on being shy. > > > > I am upset because I am so shy. > > 1. Is that true? > > Feels like it is. > > So, are you always shy? Aren't there times or situations when you > > are not shy? So, can we say that you are not too shy, sometimes? > > 2. Can I really know that being shy is the reason for my being > upset? > > No, but it feels that way. > > 3. How do I feel when I think that I should not be shy and I am. > > I feel helpless. I feel like a failure. I feel like I am not > good > > enough. > > 3.a. So, can you see a reason to drop that thought - And I am not > > asking you to drop it. > > Yes. > > 3.b. Can you give me one reason to keep that thought that creates > > peace? > > No. > > 4. Who would you be without that thought (Let the mind ask the > heart > > and wait for the heart to answer.)? > > I would not feel so much like a failure or that I am not good > > enough. I might not be so shy if I thought that I was good enough. > > I would be happier and more at peace. > > > > Original Statement: I am upset because I am so shy. > > Turnarounds: > > I am not upset because I am so shy? > > I am upset because of " my thinking " that I am shy. > > > > > > As far as one's own insecurities, I can't imagine anyone having a > > problem like that? > > > > Ha! Just kidding!! You must be a member of the human race and > suffer > > from the same stores that many of us do. > > > > Blessings, Steve D. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Welcome. I'm so happy to see you here because I know we will help each other. Gather up what peace, quiet and comfort you can muster, hold it tightly inside and don't let her get it. You'll get through the visit and can come back to us to vent when it's over. I agree with my sister, Les, about Understanding the Borderline Mother. It was a painful read but has helped me to understand my nada and, more importantly, myself. Hang tight and try to have some fun. If you can, try to see the visit as a lab experiment. Try to visualize a bell jar around you. Your feelings can go out if you want them to, but her words and feelings cannot permeate the protective shell. Sometimes, that helps me a lot. Love and peace to you. > > Hello, > > I just joined this group a few days ago. The stress of going home > to visit my family for X-mas made me look for a support > group/listserve and it seems I've found it. I'm leaving in a few > hours and am highly stressed and unhappy that I have to go home to > visit my mother. > > I'm in my late 20's and just learned of BPD just a few months ago. > I grew up with a mother I believe has BPD although she's never been > diagnosed. Most of the characteristics described is very familiar > to me. Making me feel guilty ALL THE TIME (I'm your mother, " you owe > me " type of guilt) extreme mood swings (I'm the devil today and an > angel tomorrow), narcisism (It's all about Me, Me, Me), impulse > behavior (extreme impulse spending, that I'm expected to pay for > because I'm her daughter and it's my duty) > > I just wanted to read through the emails and see if somehow it will > help me get through these next few days. I'm slowly learning how > to deal with this, thanks for having this list available to non-BP > family members. > > Enjoy your holidays everyone! > - R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2010 Report Share Posted August 25, 2010 I have personally yet to find a single doctor in network for my insurance (Cigna and now UHC) that's worth a hill of beans. Of course, YMMV. But, the problem is that the good doctors don't take insurance because it keeps them from providing quality patient care and it is often not cost effective for them to take insurance - e.g., they can't spend 1+ hours with a new patient when they are only reimbursed $30, etc. In the long run, I have spent a lot less money and have gotten well sooner by just looking for a good doctor rather than sticking with the clueless doctors that did take my insurance. In particular for me (for issues beyond thyroid) traveling out of state was the only way to go. If you have insurance that covers out-of-network benefits, then you should be okay with not using doctors that directly take your insurance. All the doctors that don't take insurance that I use give me the forms that I can submit to my insurance for reimbursement - usually about 70% of the cost is covered. Of course, this doesn't get around the general problem we have with finding a good thyroid doctor in the DFW area. Dr. Horsley works for me, but alot of folks have had issues with her (and her office). BTW, she has moved to a new office and it seems to be far more organized than the previous. I was in and out in under an hour last week. B. Is there anyone worth seeing in the DFW area who accepts insurance? I've looked through the doctor database but was unimpressed with anyone in DFW. I've had hypothyroidism since 2006 after a RAI for Graves. I'm completely frustrated with my current endocrinoligist, because I have many hypthyroid symptoms, which I have told him about on numerous visits. Recently, I've had an ectopic pregnancy followed by a miscarriage, and I really don't want to return to my reproductive endocrinologist for issues I believe are thyroid related. I'm willing to drive anywhere in the metroplex to anyone worthwhile who will accept my insurance. Thank you in advance for any information! Alyssa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.