Guest guest Posted July 8, 2004 Report Share Posted July 8, 2004 > So anyway, I guess I'm really longing to have PEOPLE in my life, >but not the " same old " people who bring me down, make me feel bad >about myself and inadequate, who need too much, I just don't know >where to look. Maybe this will come naturally at some point? I think it's because we're very familiar with how to interact with " crazy " ... but we have no idea how to interact with " normal " . I am finally to the point where I can recognize when a person or relationship is unhealthy for me... and I can even set boundaries in these relationships, or let them go if necessary (as is the case with nada), but I'm still working on how to reach out for new (healthier) friendships. I think as we learn to trust ourselves and our own " gut " feelings, and as we learn how to become healthier ourselves, and even as we get to know who we really are, we learn to identify healthy people and, hopefully, healthier relationships. But I don't know where to look, either.. I'm thinking maybe I should find a hobby and join an interest group or something.. but that would mean getting past my social anxiety... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2004 Report Share Posted July 8, 2004 > So anyway, I guess I'm really longing to have PEOPLE in my life, >but not the " same old " people who bring me down, make me feel bad >about myself and inadequate, who need too much, I just don't know >where to look. Maybe this will come naturally at some point? I think it's because we're very familiar with how to interact with " crazy " ... but we have no idea how to interact with " normal " . I am finally to the point where I can recognize when a person or relationship is unhealthy for me... and I can even set boundaries in these relationships, or let them go if necessary (as is the case with nada), but I'm still working on how to reach out for new (healthier) friendships. I think as we learn to trust ourselves and our own " gut " feelings, and as we learn how to become healthier ourselves, and even as we get to know who we really are, we learn to identify healthy people and, hopefully, healthier relationships. But I don't know where to look, either.. I'm thinking maybe I should find a hobby and join an interest group or something.. but that would mean getting past my social anxiety... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2004 Report Share Posted July 8, 2004 > So anyway, I guess I'm really longing to have PEOPLE in my life, >but not the " same old " people who bring me down, make me feel bad >about myself and inadequate, who need too much, I just don't know >where to look. Maybe this will come naturally at some point? I think it's because we're very familiar with how to interact with " crazy " ... but we have no idea how to interact with " normal " . I am finally to the point where I can recognize when a person or relationship is unhealthy for me... and I can even set boundaries in these relationships, or let them go if necessary (as is the case with nada), but I'm still working on how to reach out for new (healthier) friendships. I think as we learn to trust ourselves and our own " gut " feelings, and as we learn how to become healthier ourselves, and even as we get to know who we really are, we learn to identify healthy people and, hopefully, healthier relationships. But I don't know where to look, either.. I'm thinking maybe I should find a hobby and join an interest group or something.. but that would mean getting past my social anxiety... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2004 Report Share Posted July 8, 2004 > So anyway, I guess I'm really longing to have PEOPLE in my life, >but not the " same old " people who bring me down, make me feel bad >about myself and inadequate, who need too much, I just don't know >where to look. Maybe this will come naturally at some point? I think it is really hard for some KOs to at times relate to " normal " people because we probably did not have many " normal " people in our lives growing up. I know for me it is easier to have relationships with other people who had problems in their families or who currently have a lot of problems. Going through therapy, I have learned how to look at other people who I may get into relationships a bit more critically. I have actually been able to have some close relationships with some people who are great. They are not needy and they actually make me feel good about myself because they seem me as 'good'. This is the first time in my life that I have had these type of relationships. Don't get me wrong, I still have some relationships in which I got close to some people and am now wondering what in the heck I have gotten myself into. I just realized this past weekend that one of my close friends was really needy and has been getting needier and needier. Then, I got sucked into playing mind games with her. I was proud of myself for actually being able to get to a point where I could realize that mind games were going on while I was in the situation and that I was able to fight back. (There is no way I would ever fight back against my FADA growing up.) However, I was also disappointed in myself that I had gotten so close to someone like this. It got so bad during the weekend that I almost had a flashback and wanted to protect my other friend from this other girl. It was crazy! I really got to see how much I protect others, do not trust others well, and am willing to take a lot of crap from others and for others. Luckily, my 'good' friend is someone I have come to trust and be able to tell her how I felt over the weekend about our other friend (while at the same time not trying to get into a triangulated relationship). But, it takes a lot of trust to form a realtionship, which is hard it seems for many KOs. Without trust, there can be no relationship because trust is the foundation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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