I feel stupid :P

[Guest guest]

Hi!

I started to read the first posts of this group and I feel stupid! I

don't live in the english-speaking world, so I really did not know

who wrote SWOE. I feel embarrassed and amused at the same time. I

found this site, because I have been talking about my situation with

other people from around the world at other sites, for bipolars and

BD-sites, others for nonBP's offspring and I've been trying to find

information in the internet about BDP. Why the other groups are so

quiet, I just wonder about. My need to know as much as possible

steered me here.

I think it's great what you are doing here, I really do. In my

country, people do know that BPD exists, but even the professionals

don't seem to know this much about it. I was suprised that SWOE has

never been translated to my lanquage, 'cause usually I can find

anything that I need in my own lanquage. I am getting a new therapist

soon and I don't feel at ease about the treatment at all, I will have

to find out about how much this person knows about BDP first. I's a

good thing that I ordered the book, I can take it with me when I

start with the therapist.

I have difficulties in beeing able to perform at any kind of chores I

should have to do at this moment, and that is because of the burn-

out, and sometimes I feel that I have Post traumatic stress too, so I

am not very fast at getting things at this moment. I just need to get

my growing process going, 'cause I am so scared about that my fleas

will be my kids fleas soon.

I feel powerless and very much alone with everything, because you are

the only ones that talk about these things in a way I can relate to.

I really don't have anyone to talk to, my father and brothers are

tired of the subject and I totally understand that they want to

breath now, when nada is quiet. And I have difficulties trusting

other people around me, I just hope this thing does not ruin my

ability to work.

Until I get my SWOE, I will be going thrue difficult memories and

hard feelings, like I am now. At least then I will have something

concrete where I can find the things I need on my way to a real life

of my own and will be able to know who I am at last.

Hugs BM

[Guest guest]

Hi BM,

Glad you were able to track down SWOE. I have to warn you though, I

found that things got a little harder for me after I started reading

it and all the memories and stuff I didn't want to read were right

there on paper. I personally found " Surviving a Borderline Parent "

(by Kimberlee Roth) most useful. However, all the hard stuff was

made up for by the fact that all the confusion I felt was eased

because there was my experience detailed and explained. I wasn't

alone, I wasn't just making things up or exaggerating.

I know what you mean about having problems finding a therapist who

knows how to deal with BPD and the loneliness of having no one to

talk to about it. Hang in there. You've found ModOasis and it's a

great resource, isn't it?

I don't have kids but I imagine that if you explain your fleas to

them (when they're old enough to understand), your kids will at

least be able to see where they come from and maybe avoid them

theirselves.

I hear you saying that everything feels really hard right now.

Things will get better eventually, just hang in there. It sounds

like you're willing to work through this stuff, so the pain won't

last forever. Things will get better.

Nadine

[Guest guest]

Thanks Nadine!

I will be keeping that in mind, and I have had an idea of this not

beeing easy. I will be ordering " Surviving... " too, at the next

possible chance I get.

I can't seem to put any other experiences than the last ones in any

kind of order, so it's hard to grasp a hold of them, and I know I

will have to deal with stuff sooner or later. So it propably will be

a good experience the same way you explained yours was. And possibly

knowing where to start, and so on, maybe...

ModOasis is truly a good resource, you are so wright! My older kids

are in their teens, 15 and 12, and are propably ready to understand

about fleas. When I am ready I will try to talk to them, and

hopefully be able to do it in a way that does not put blame on anyone.

Hugs BM

[Guest guest]

Sweet One (BM),

Please don't feel stupid (you are NOT) you found this awesome group and have

so many great things to add to it. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE SAFE with us,

I bet the majority of those who speak English here WISH they did not, so that

families and friends do not poke around trying to find out just what we are

feeling, and going through (at least that is how I feel). You have done a

wonderful job, and you have encouraged and helped others. Feel this power and

connection, know that we have you and you have us =)

Do not worry about the children you have, as I see it you are working hard

dealing with issues, THAT is a wonderful step forward for you and will effect

your children (in a positive way).

You have a team here! The house cleaning is horrible for me, I hate it, most

here have stated the same feelings towards it, GREAT TOPIC by the way!

You just keep up the great work, and know you have us to help you understand

the words used from SWOE etc....The men in your family are probably not yet

ready to jump into therapy, or trying to understand these wild rides we have

been on with our mothers.

YOU ARE doing fantastic =) Keep going at your own pace, and know that you

have a support right here- PS: I have a hard time trusting those around me, it

is very normal, at least from what I have read and what others have told me.

Again you are not alone with the trust issue, I have that one.

Yours,

Kim(berley)

In a message dated 10/30/2004 11:55:01 PM Eastern Standard Time,

hattivatti_100@... writes:

I feel powerless and very much alone with everything, because you are

the only ones that talk about these things in a way I can relate to.

I really don't have anyone to talk to, my father and brothers are

tired of the subject and I totally understand that they want to

breath now, when nada is quiet. And I have difficulties trusting

other people around me, I just hope this thing does not ruin my

ability to work.