Re: Reparenting suggestion about the fada thing

[Guest guest]

You are right, about being careful. I took in a girl at 12 and tried to mother

her (early version of mothering self) had her until 18 and now she's gone back

to family of origin and right back into dysfunction, doesn't call or anything. I

miss her. - j

otwoma wrote:Dear Jana,

That's what ended me up here. My husband and I were adopted by the woman I call

my pseudo friend. She is a BP/NPD. For three years, she was part of our daily

life and even moved a few blocks away. She graduated and we took her on a three

week trip as a graduation present and basicly haven't seen her much since. (It

has been two years.) She told me that she wished that I were her mother and

actually would give me flowers for mother's day. Now I don't call her and she

has spoken to me once this year. Be careful who you " adopt. " Take care.

Otwoma

Jana wrote:

Once a therapist asked me, if I could just pick a new sister, brother, mom and

dad who would it be. Then she said I could just adopt them as officially my new

family. I picked a good friend for brother and sister, it felt great. I asked

them to let me adopt them and we made it " a thing " . As for mom, I've tried over

the years to find a " real " one, haven't we all? Pitiful sweet children, all of

us. Finally I have truly gotten to the point (after my bio mom- nada adopted

me- told me that she didnt want to be my mother because she didnt raise me) that

I can be my own Mommy, loving and protecting myself. As for the Dad thing, I'm

not so sure. My Dad is alive (barely- as stepmomster sucks the life out of him

and his wallet simultaneously) but he'll never admit his part in the destruction

of my childhood. He'll never love me like he did those fleeting times when nada

wasn't around and we'd go driving to the hardware store, or, hell, the times

were few and far between. I dont really know

anyone that would make a decent Dad. What would that look like? My husband is

just like him in so many ways. Very sad. - j

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Dear Jana,

Do you think that we nons have the need to mother? Perhaps we are playing the

mother we wish we had? I only know that even after the total neglect shown to us

by our pseudo friend, both my husband and I spoke to her when she called

tonight. I think of her as the prodigal friend and like in the Bible story, I

will slay the fattened calf and welcome her home at least once. Take care.

Otwoma

Jana wrote:

You are right, about being careful. I took in a girl at 12 and tried to mother

her (early version of mothering self) had her until 18 and now she's gone back

to family of origin and right back into dysfunction, doesn't call or anything. I

miss her. - j

otwoma wrote:Dear Jana,

That's what ended me up here. My husband and I were adopted by the woman I call

my pseudo friend. She is a BP/NPD. For three years, she was part of our daily

life and even moved a few blocks away. She graduated and we took her on a three

week trip as a graduation present and basicly haven't seen her much since. (It

has been two years.) She told me that she wished that I were her mother and

actually would give me flowers for mother's day. Now I don't call her and she

has spoken to me once this year. Be careful who you " adopt. " Take care.

Otwoma

Jana wrote:

Once a therapist asked me, if I could just pick a new sister, brother, mom and

dad who would it be. Then she said I could just adopt them as officially my new

family. I picked a good friend for brother and sister, it felt great. I asked

them to let me adopt them and we made it " a thing " . As for mom, I've tried over

the years to find a " real " one, haven't we all? Pitiful sweet children, all of

us. Finally I have truly gotten to the point (after my bio mom- nada adopted

me- told me that she didnt want to be my mother because she didnt raise me) that

I can be my own Mommy, loving and protecting myself. As for the Dad thing, I'm

not so sure. My Dad is alive (barely- as stepmomster sucks the life out of him

and his wallet simultaneously) but he'll never admit his part in the destruction

of my childhood. He'll never love me like he did those fleeting times when nada

wasn't around and we'd go driving to the hardware store, or, hell, the times

were few and far between. I dont really know

anyone that would make a decent Dad. What would that look like? My husband is

just like him in so many ways. Very sad. - j

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Dear Jana,

Do you think that we nons have the need to mother? Perhaps we are playing the

mother we wish we had? I only know that even after the total neglect shown to us

by our pseudo friend, both my husband and I spoke to her when she called

tonight. I think of her as the prodigal friend and like in the Bible story, I

will slay the fattened calf and welcome her home at least once. Take care.

Otwoma

Jana wrote:

You are right, about being careful. I took in a girl at 12 and tried to mother

her (early version of mothering self) had her until 18 and now she's gone back

to family of origin and right back into dysfunction, doesn't call or anything. I

miss her. - j

otwoma wrote:Dear Jana,

That's what ended me up here. My husband and I were adopted by the woman I call

my pseudo friend. She is a BP/NPD. For three years, she was part of our daily

life and even moved a few blocks away. She graduated and we took her on a three

week trip as a graduation present and basicly haven't seen her much since. (It

has been two years.) She told me that she wished that I were her mother and

actually would give me flowers for mother's day. Now I don't call her and she

has spoken to me once this year. Be careful who you " adopt. " Take care.

Otwoma

Jana wrote:

Once a therapist asked me, if I could just pick a new sister, brother, mom and

dad who would it be. Then she said I could just adopt them as officially my new

family. I picked a good friend for brother and sister, it felt great. I asked

them to let me adopt them and we made it " a thing " . As for mom, I've tried over

the years to find a " real " one, haven't we all? Pitiful sweet children, all of

us. Finally I have truly gotten to the point (after my bio mom- nada adopted

me- told me that she didnt want to be my mother because she didnt raise me) that

I can be my own Mommy, loving and protecting myself. As for the Dad thing, I'm

not so sure. My Dad is alive (barely- as stepmomster sucks the life out of him

and his wallet simultaneously) but he'll never admit his part in the destruction

of my childhood. He'll never love me like he did those fleeting times when nada

wasn't around and we'd go driving to the hardware store, or, hell, the times

were few and far between. I dont really know

anyone that would make a decent Dad. What would that look like? My husband is

just like him in so many ways. Very sad. - j

---------------------------------

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vote.yahoo.com - Register online to vote today!

[Guest guest]

I had the need to mother in order to prove to myself that there was a

better way to be a mother than nada's way. I also find that I am

very drawn to needy people. This smacks of codependence. I have

gone a long way in overcoming the need to mother people who don't

ever want to take care of themselves. Now I turn the need to mother

to animals. I just took in a (another) stray cat....sickly, took her

to the vet and found out she is diabetic. I knew she was in distress

as soon as I saw her, and also knew that I couldn't just walk away

from her helplessness. (I later learned that she wasn't really a

stray. She WAS owned by someone who never fed her. Her diabetes was

severe enough that she was suffering nerve damage in her hind legs.)

Sylvia

> Dear Jana,

> Do you think that we nons have the need to mother? Perhaps we are

playing the mother we wish we had? ............> Otwoma