New member

[Guest guest]

I am brand new to this group and wish I had found it many years ago.

I am happily married with three children and a BPD mother who has

tried to control and ruin my life and marriage most of my life. It

was only recently, after speaking with a social worker about my

mother's volatile, threatening, and controlling mother that I was

directed by the social worker to Ann Lawson's

book " Understanding the Borderline Mother. " I was told that my

mother sounded like a combination of all four BPD personality types,

but primarily the witch. My mother's daily and fulltime efforts

were directed toward stalking me, terrorizing me, and driving me

crazy. Thank goodness for caller ID, as I would not answer any one

of her 30-50 phone calls per day that would be made on a continual

basis. If my mother found out I was going on vacation, she would

attempt to call the airline, pretend to be me, and cancel the

reservation made for my family. She projected all of her fears,

paranoia, hatred of herself/life onto me. Any joy that I tried to

share with her was downplayed and turned into guilt/shame. When she

had a fall, she wanted me to move away from my family and in with

her so I could be her full-time attendant. She would scream, curse,

and threaten me in every possible way if I didn't give in to every

whim she had. Finally, during one trip out of the country with my

child, my husband called and said my mother was outraged that I took

a trip and my mother wanted me to return home immediately because " I

would be responsible for my child's death by vacationing in Cancun "

and furthermore, she would also disinherit me. I told my husband I

coudn't take any more of my mother's years of abuse and stalking and

she should consider me deceased so that I could have peace of mind.

I had a glorious six months of peace when I didn't speak with my

mother. Then she had a fall in her home and broke her shoulder.

Instead of paying for a nurse, she requested that I leave my family

and move in with her full-time as her servant. Also, she had three

dogs that needed to be cooked for four times a day, brushed, taken

out to a god run a dozen times, and the dog run needed to be cleaned

out and sprayed down three times per day with a strong and probably

toxic cleaner. Can you imagine that this woman who had the funds

for help felt I should leave my family and come work for her

fulltime because " why pay for help when you can get it for free? " I

refused and she threatened me more. Finally, she saw I wasn't going

to move in and she hired someone who had to work like a slave.

Several of the people quit and finally she recuperated. A mutual

friend told my mother that I wasn't her little girl anymore who she

could control. We started to speak again, but after a few months, my

mother got back into the " witch " mode and tried controlling,

threatening, demeaning me, etc. Mom had another fall and a hairline

fracture and wanted me to move in fulltime again. I said no and she

said the reason she has falls is because I take trips and abandon

her. Now she started to say that if I travel it is to abandon her

so she can die. After trying to be nice and call my mom, I have

found I can no longer speak with her on the phone. The last few

months of phone calls were filled with viscious comments, screaming,

cursing, threatening on her part. Of course, I am dumb enough to be

the victim. Several times though, I said, I will not continue when

she speaks to me in her usual manner and she got even worse. It

finally got to the point where I would shake and get upset when I

knew I had to call MOm. I noticed that I would get nasty to my own

family when I knew it was the day to call. I decided that I can't

be nasty to my family and I am entitled to put myself, my sanity,and

my happiness first and my mother last. So, I have not spoken to her

in 2 months and my life is happy.