Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Hello Sylvia, Know you are hugged tonight. Yes, the programming runs deep and works very efficiently doesn't it? My therapist actually had me practice this: Stand back and lift your arm to punch, then punch with all your might and say " Kapow! Now do it while you are imagining nada is in the room. Felt good didn;t it! kind of empowering! Love Ymad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Hello Sylvia, Know you are hugged tonight. Yes, the programming runs deep and works very efficiently doesn't it? My therapist actually had me practice this: Stand back and lift your arm to punch, then punch with all your might and say " Kapow! Now do it while you are imagining nada is in the room. Felt good didn;t it! kind of empowering! Love Ymad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2005 Report Share Posted March 26, 2005 OKay, Sylvia... I am a little more calm about the new look, but still getting used to it. I hope this works to " reply " and send you some ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I know that the guilt slowly creeps in- but you are right that you sent the letter to protect your self worth, and that is an important thing. I have guilt because I didn't call and invite Nada over for Easter. It is ridiculus guilt because I did send her a card. And the situation works both ways...she hasn't called me because I am split bad now. I am enjoying my NC for the most part, but damn that guilt that tries to work it's way into my happiness! Take care and enjoy your holiday as YOU originally planned it! Di. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2005 Report Share Posted March 26, 2005 OKay, Sylvia... I am a little more calm about the new look, but still getting used to it. I hope this works to " reply " and send you some ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I know that the guilt slowly creeps in- but you are right that you sent the letter to protect your self worth, and that is an important thing. I have guilt because I didn't call and invite Nada over for Easter. It is ridiculus guilt because I did send her a card. And the situation works both ways...she hasn't called me because I am split bad now. I am enjoying my NC for the most part, but damn that guilt that tries to work it's way into my happiness! Take care and enjoy your holiday as YOU originally planned it! Di. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2005 Report Share Posted March 26, 2005 This is a good visualization. I am going to start using it. Sylvia > Hello Sylvia, > > Know you are hugged tonight. Yes, the programming runs deep and works very efficiently doesn't it? > > My therapist actually had me practice this: > > Stand back and lift your arm to punch, then punch with all your might and say " Kapow! > > Now do it while you are imagining nada is in the room. Felt good didn;t it! kind of empowering! > > Love > > Ymad > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2005 Report Share Posted March 26, 2005 This is a good visualization. I am going to start using it. Sylvia > Hello Sylvia, > > Know you are hugged tonight. Yes, the programming runs deep and works very efficiently doesn't it? > > My therapist actually had me practice this: > > Stand back and lift your arm to punch, then punch with all your might and say " Kapow! > > Now do it while you are imagining nada is in the room. Felt good didn;t it! kind of empowering! > > Love > > Ymad > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2005 Report Share Posted March 26, 2005 Hi, Sylvia! Bunches of hugs for you! And a bunch of roses and chocolates and whatever else you need. I think what you are going through is one of the reasons I don't write letters. It sure is awful that we were trained to feel guilty for just mentioned a little of how we are feeling about something. I wonder if they will mention anything about the letter; even if they do not, you can't be 100 percent sure your nada let your dad read anything, so maybe he does not think anything at all because he does not know about it! You know how nadas are! Even if they do not mention anything, it's a good idea to tell them in your mind that it's tough luck that you were not allowed to ever mention how you felt about something! I hope you come out of this holiday blue soon! I think next week will be a good thing for a lot of us. If you think it would help, watch a silly movie like " Meet the Parents " ! No nada in that one! Just plain ole funny! If you don't want any familiy situation in a movie, how about " The Terminal " ? I thought that would be boring with a guy in an airport terminal the whole movie but it really was pretty good! Hey, Miss Congeniality 2 is out! That's gotta be a blast! I don't know- just whatever helps make you laugh is what I find that I need sometimes. Hugs, hugs Theresa > > > Hi everyone, > > I have been feeling really bad the last two days. I think the term > is 'consumed with guilt'. I am blaming myself for hurting my dad by > sending the letters I wrote...and yes, for hurting nada too. But it > does seem worse about my dad. Funny that this is EXACTLY how I felt > 40 years ago too, if I told either of my parents that I didn't like > what they were doing and how it affected me. > > I know that this guilt is not appropriate. But I am still at the > point where what I know and what I feel do not match. All my > emotions are doing is imagining what happened at my parents house > when they received the letters, and feeling guilty for causing that > to happen. My emotions are saying...how could you do this? And I do > quickly answer...because I had to do it to re-establish my boundaries > and maintain my sense of 'self'. And emotions reply - but you sent > that letter to two elderly people who are just not going to > understand what you are saying, and are going to be very hurt about > what you wrote. And that is where I get stuck. Is this connected to > my being programmed that no matter what I did/do, it is not the right > thing? > > And I think I am also experienced what I wrote about a few days > ago....I am taking on the hurt that nada and dad might be feeling, in > addition to my own hurt. Sticking up for yourself is very hard when > you have not had it be part of you for most of your life. > > So, as it said in one of Free's recent posts....I'm talking about my > feelings with friends....and asking for what I need....some KO hugs. > > Sylvia > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2005 Report Share Posted March 26, 2005 Hi Sylvia, Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. This is how I felt after I sent my letter too. For me, it's like going through the grieving process all over again and feeling like I was the cause of it. Really all you were doing is being honest about your feelings somthing KO's are not allowed to do and when we do it we berate ourselves for it. My husband kept saying to me " YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG " . But I felt like I did. Nada's projections I imagine! Do something special for yourself today. You deserve it and many hugs sent your way . . . cntbreathe > > Hi everyone, > > I have been feeling really bad the last two days. I think the term > is 'consumed with guilt'. I am blaming myself for hurting my dad by > sending the letters I wrote...and yes, for hurting nada too. But it > does seem worse about my dad. Funny that this is EXACTLY how I felt > 40 years ago too, if I told either of my parents that I didn't like > what they were doing and how it affected me. > > I know that this guilt is not appropriate. But I am still at the > point where what I know and what I feel do not match. All my > emotions are doing is imagining what happened at my parents house > when they received the letters, and feeling guilty for causing that > to happen. My emotions are saying...how could you do this? And I do > quickly answer...because I had to do it to re-establish my boundaries > and maintain my sense of 'self'. And emotions reply - but you sent > that letter to two elderly people who are just not going to > understand what you are saying, and are going to be very hurt about > what you wrote. And that is where I get stuck. Is this connected to > my being programmed that no matter what I did/do, it is not the right > thing? > > And I think I am also experienced what I wrote about a few days > ago....I am taking on the hurt that nada and dad might be feeling, in > addition to my own hurt. Sticking up for yourself is very hard when > you have not had it be part of you for most of your life. > > So, as it said in one of Free's recent posts....I'm talking about my > feelings with friends....and asking for what I need....some KO hugs. > > Sylvia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2005 Report Share Posted March 26, 2005 Hi Sylvia, Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. This is how I felt after I sent my letter too. For me, it's like going through the grieving process all over again and feeling like I was the cause of it. Really all you were doing is being honest about your feelings somthing KO's are not allowed to do and when we do it we berate ourselves for it. My husband kept saying to me " YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG " . But I felt like I did. Nada's projections I imagine! Do something special for yourself today. You deserve it and many hugs sent your way . . . cntbreathe > > Hi everyone, > > I have been feeling really bad the last two days. I think the term > is 'consumed with guilt'. I am blaming myself for hurting my dad by > sending the letters I wrote...and yes, for hurting nada too. But it > does seem worse about my dad. Funny that this is EXACTLY how I felt > 40 years ago too, if I told either of my parents that I didn't like > what they were doing and how it affected me. > > I know that this guilt is not appropriate. But I am still at the > point where what I know and what I feel do not match. All my > emotions are doing is imagining what happened at my parents house > when they received the letters, and feeling guilty for causing that > to happen. My emotions are saying...how could you do this? And I do > quickly answer...because I had to do it to re-establish my boundaries > and maintain my sense of 'self'. And emotions reply - but you sent > that letter to two elderly people who are just not going to > understand what you are saying, and are going to be very hurt about > what you wrote. And that is where I get stuck. Is this connected to > my being programmed that no matter what I did/do, it is not the right > thing? > > And I think I am also experienced what I wrote about a few days > ago....I am taking on the hurt that nada and dad might be feeling, in > addition to my own hurt. Sticking up for yourself is very hard when > you have not had it be part of you for most of your life. > > So, as it said in one of Free's recent posts....I'm talking about my > feelings with friends....and asking for what I need....some KO hugs. > > Sylvia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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