Re: Standards Versus Judgement

[Guest guest]

That's why I referenced " standards " .......like the word better than

judgement, which appears make people focus on the negative aspects of the

word.

>From: sexystarshine79@...

>Reply-To: ModOasis

>To: ModOasis

>Subject: Re: Standards Versus Judgement

>Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 20:33:51 EDT

>

> > Judgement is something

> > different to me; it is still engaging with the nada in your life and

>being

> > subjected to the roller coaster ride that living with her once was.

> > I don't judge, I set limits.

> > Just my two cents,

> >

>

>

>Even in setting limits we are making judgements. Judgements on what we will

>accept, wont accept. Judgements on what limits to set and where our

>boundaries

> are. We use JUDGEMENT about past behaviors as an indicator of future

>behavior to stipulate what standards we set.

>

>Main Entry: judg·ment

>Variant(s): or judge.ment /'j & j-m & nt/

>Function: noun

>Date: 13th century

>1 a : a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion b : an opinion so

>pronounced

>2 a : a formal decision given by a court b (1) : an obligation (as a debt)

>created by the decree of a court (2) : a certificate evidencing such a

>decree

>3 a : capitalized : the final judging of mankind by God b : a divine

>sentence or decision; specifically : a calamity held to be sent by God

>4 a : the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and

>comparing b : an opinion or estimate so formed

>5 a : the capacity for judging : _DISCERNMENT_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0019223.40127257.672502772/) b : the exercise of this

>capacity

>6 : a proposition stating something believed or asserted

>

> It is just tragic that we have to even set these boundaries or

>standards. No child should ever grow up to be forced into judgeing the

>behavior of the

>one person who was responsible to setting the standards and positive

>examples of how we should have grown up to behave.

>

>Main Entry: [1]stan·dard

>Pronunciation: 'stan-d & rd

>Function: noun

>Etymology: Middle English, from Old French estandard rallying point,

>standard, of Germanic origin; akin to Old English standan to stand and to

>Old

>English ord point —more at _ODD_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0047283.40155317.672503447/)

>Date: 12th century

>1 : a conspicuous object (as a banner) formerly carried at the top of a

>pole

>and used to mark a rallying point especially in battle or to serve as an

>emblem

>2 a : a long narrow tapering flag that is personal to an individual or

>corporation and bears heraldic devices b : the personal flag of the head

>of a

>state or of a member of a royal family c : an organization flag carried by

>a

>mounted or motorized military unit d : _BANNER_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0005144.40113178.672502456/)

>3 : something established by authority, custom, or general consent as a

>model or example : _CRITERION_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/)

>4 : something set up and established by authority as a rule for the

>measure

>of quantity, weight, extent, value, or quality

>5 a : the fineness and legally fixed weight of the metal used in coins b

>:

>the basis of value in a monetary system

>6 : a structure built for or serving as a base or support

>7 a : a shrub or herb grown with an erect main stem so that it forms or

>resembles a tree b : a fruit tree grafted on a stock that does not induce

>dwarfing

>8 a : the large odd upper petal of a papilionaceous flower (as the pea) b

>:

>one of the three inner usually erect and incurved petals of an iris

>9 : a musical composition (as a song) that has become a part of the

>standard

>repertoire

>- stan·dard·less adjective

>synonyms _STANDARD_ (aol://4344:1708.D0066988.40175025.672606037/) ,

>_CRITERION_ (aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/) , _GAUGE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0028225.40136259.672502977/) , _YARDSTICK_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0079902.40187939.672606391/) , _TOUCHSTONE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0072773.40180810.672606201/)

>mean a means of determining what a thing should be. _STANDARD_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0066988.40175025.672606037/) applies to any definite

>rule, principle, or

>measure established by authority <standards of behavior>. _CRITERION_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/) may apply to anything used

>as a test

>of quality whether formulated as a rule or principle or not <questioned

>the

>critic's criteria for excellence>. _GAUGE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0028225.40136259.672502977/) applies to a means of

>testing a particular dimension (as

>thickness, depth, diameter) or figuratively a particular quality or aspect

><polls as

>a gauge of voter dissatisfaction>. _YARDSTICK_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0079902.40187939.672606391/) is an informal substitute

>for _CRITERION_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/) that suggests quantity

>more often than quality

><housing construction as a yardstick of economic growth>. _TOUCHSTONE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0072773.40180810.672606201/) suggests a simple test of

>the

>authenticity or value of something intangible <fine service is one

>touchstone of

>a first-class restaurant>.

>

>_Pronunciation Key_ (aol://4344:1708.PRONFORM.40208078.686432007/)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's why I referenced " standards " .......like the word better than

judgement, which appears make people focus on the negative aspects of the

word.

>From: sexystarshine79@...

>Reply-To: ModOasis

>To: ModOasis

>Subject: Re: Standards Versus Judgement

>Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 20:33:51 EDT

>

> > Judgement is something

> > different to me; it is still engaging with the nada in your life and

>being

> > subjected to the roller coaster ride that living with her once was.

> > I don't judge, I set limits.

> > Just my two cents,

> >

>

>

>Even in setting limits we are making judgements. Judgements on what we will

>accept, wont accept. Judgements on what limits to set and where our

>boundaries

> are. We use JUDGEMENT about past behaviors as an indicator of future

>behavior to stipulate what standards we set.

>

>Main Entry: judg·ment

>Variant(s): or judge.ment /'j & j-m & nt/

>Function: noun

>Date: 13th century

>1 a : a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion b : an opinion so

>pronounced

>2 a : a formal decision given by a court b (1) : an obligation (as a debt)

>created by the decree of a court (2) : a certificate evidencing such a

>decree

>3 a : capitalized : the final judging of mankind by God b : a divine

>sentence or decision; specifically : a calamity held to be sent by God

>4 a : the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and

>comparing b : an opinion or estimate so formed

>5 a : the capacity for judging : _DISCERNMENT_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0019223.40127257.672502772/) b : the exercise of this

>capacity

>6 : a proposition stating something believed or asserted

>

> It is just tragic that we have to even set these boundaries or

>standards. No child should ever grow up to be forced into judgeing the

>behavior of the

>one person who was responsible to setting the standards and positive

>examples of how we should have grown up to behave.

>

>Main Entry: [1]stan·dard

>Pronunciation: 'stan-d & rd

>Function: noun

>Etymology: Middle English, from Old French estandard rallying point,

>standard, of Germanic origin; akin to Old English standan to stand and to

>Old

>English ord point —more at _ODD_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0047283.40155317.672503447/)

>Date: 12th century

>1 : a conspicuous object (as a banner) formerly carried at the top of a

>pole

>and used to mark a rallying point especially in battle or to serve as an

>emblem

>2 a : a long narrow tapering flag that is personal to an individual or

>corporation and bears heraldic devices b : the personal flag of the head

>of a

>state or of a member of a royal family c : an organization flag carried by

>a

>mounted or motorized military unit d : _BANNER_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0005144.40113178.672502456/)

>3 : something established by authority, custom, or general consent as a

>model or example : _CRITERION_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/)

>4 : something set up and established by authority as a rule for the

>measure

>of quantity, weight, extent, value, or quality

>5 a : the fineness and legally fixed weight of the metal used in coins b

>:

>the basis of value in a monetary system

>6 : a structure built for or serving as a base or support

>7 a : a shrub or herb grown with an erect main stem so that it forms or

>resembles a tree b : a fruit tree grafted on a stock that does not induce

>dwarfing

>8 a : the large odd upper petal of a papilionaceous flower (as the pea) b

>:

>one of the three inner usually erect and incurved petals of an iris

>9 : a musical composition (as a song) that has become a part of the

>standard

>repertoire

>- stan·dard·less adjective

>synonyms _STANDARD_ (aol://4344:1708.D0066988.40175025.672606037/) ,

>_CRITERION_ (aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/) , _GAUGE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0028225.40136259.672502977/) , _YARDSTICK_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0079902.40187939.672606391/) , _TOUCHSTONE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0072773.40180810.672606201/)

>mean a means of determining what a thing should be. _STANDARD_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0066988.40175025.672606037/) applies to any definite

>rule, principle, or

>measure established by authority <standards of behavior>. _CRITERION_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/) may apply to anything used

>as a test

>of quality whether formulated as a rule or principle or not <questioned

>the

>critic's criteria for excellence>. _GAUGE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0028225.40136259.672502977/) applies to a means of

>testing a particular dimension (as

>thickness, depth, diameter) or figuratively a particular quality or aspect

><polls as

>a gauge of voter dissatisfaction>. _YARDSTICK_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0079902.40187939.672606391/) is an informal substitute

>for _CRITERION_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/) that suggests quantity

>more often than quality

><housing construction as a yardstick of economic growth>. _TOUCHSTONE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0072773.40180810.672606201/) suggests a simple test of

>the

>authenticity or value of something intangible <fine service is one

>touchstone of

>a first-class restaurant>.

>

>_Pronunciation Key_ (aol://4344:1708.PRONFORM.40208078.686432007/)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's why I referenced " standards " .......like the word better than

judgement, which appears make people focus on the negative aspects of the

word.

>From: sexystarshine79@...

>Reply-To: ModOasis

>To: ModOasis

>Subject: Re: Standards Versus Judgement

>Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 20:33:51 EDT

>

> > Judgement is something

> > different to me; it is still engaging with the nada in your life and

>being

> > subjected to the roller coaster ride that living with her once was.

> > I don't judge, I set limits.

> > Just my two cents,

> >

>

>

>Even in setting limits we are making judgements. Judgements on what we will

>accept, wont accept. Judgements on what limits to set and where our

>boundaries

> are. We use JUDGEMENT about past behaviors as an indicator of future

>behavior to stipulate what standards we set.

>

>Main Entry: judg·ment

>Variant(s): or judge.ment /'j & j-m & nt/

>Function: noun

>Date: 13th century

>1 a : a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion b : an opinion so

>pronounced

>2 a : a formal decision given by a court b (1) : an obligation (as a debt)

>created by the decree of a court (2) : a certificate evidencing such a

>decree

>3 a : capitalized : the final judging of mankind by God b : a divine

>sentence or decision; specifically : a calamity held to be sent by God

>4 a : the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and

>comparing b : an opinion or estimate so formed

>5 a : the capacity for judging : _DISCERNMENT_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0019223.40127257.672502772/) b : the exercise of this

>capacity

>6 : a proposition stating something believed or asserted

>

> It is just tragic that we have to even set these boundaries or

>standards. No child should ever grow up to be forced into judgeing the

>behavior of the

>one person who was responsible to setting the standards and positive

>examples of how we should have grown up to behave.

>

>Main Entry: [1]stan·dard

>Pronunciation: 'stan-d & rd

>Function: noun

>Etymology: Middle English, from Old French estandard rallying point,

>standard, of Germanic origin; akin to Old English standan to stand and to

>Old

>English ord point —more at _ODD_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0047283.40155317.672503447/)

>Date: 12th century

>1 : a conspicuous object (as a banner) formerly carried at the top of a

>pole

>and used to mark a rallying point especially in battle or to serve as an

>emblem

>2 a : a long narrow tapering flag that is personal to an individual or

>corporation and bears heraldic devices b : the personal flag of the head

>of a

>state or of a member of a royal family c : an organization flag carried by

>a

>mounted or motorized military unit d : _BANNER_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0005144.40113178.672502456/)

>3 : something established by authority, custom, or general consent as a

>model or example : _CRITERION_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/)

>4 : something set up and established by authority as a rule for the

>measure

>of quantity, weight, extent, value, or quality

>5 a : the fineness and legally fixed weight of the metal used in coins b

>:

>the basis of value in a monetary system

>6 : a structure built for or serving as a base or support

>7 a : a shrub or herb grown with an erect main stem so that it forms or

>resembles a tree b : a fruit tree grafted on a stock that does not induce

>dwarfing

>8 a : the large odd upper petal of a papilionaceous flower (as the pea) b

>:

>one of the three inner usually erect and incurved petals of an iris

>9 : a musical composition (as a song) that has become a part of the

>standard

>repertoire

>- stan·dard·less adjective

>synonyms _STANDARD_ (aol://4344:1708.D0066988.40175025.672606037/) ,

>_CRITERION_ (aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/) , _GAUGE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0028225.40136259.672502977/) , _YARDSTICK_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0079902.40187939.672606391/) , _TOUCHSTONE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0072773.40180810.672606201/)

>mean a means of determining what a thing should be. _STANDARD_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0066988.40175025.672606037/) applies to any definite

>rule, principle, or

>measure established by authority <standards of behavior>. _CRITERION_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/) may apply to anything used

>as a test

>of quality whether formulated as a rule or principle or not <questioned

>the

>critic's criteria for excellence>. _GAUGE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0028225.40136259.672502977/) applies to a means of

>testing a particular dimension (as

>thickness, depth, diameter) or figuratively a particular quality or aspect

><polls as

>a gauge of voter dissatisfaction>. _YARDSTICK_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0079902.40187939.672606391/) is an informal substitute

>for _CRITERION_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0016065.40124099.672502699/) that suggests quantity

>more often than quality

><housing construction as a yardstick of economic growth>. _TOUCHSTONE_

>(aol://4344:1708.D0072773.40180810.672606201/) suggests a simple test of

>the

>authenticity or value of something intangible <fine service is one

>touchstone of

>a first-class restaurant>.

>

>_Pronunciation Key_ (aol://4344:1708.PRONFORM.40208078.686432007/)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have to say the same thing. I would say that you could call a rose by any

other name, but it is still a rose. Except that I don't look at my mother as

a rose. I look at her as the biggest thorn in my entire existence.

Debbie

Re: Standards Versus Judgement

> < That's why I referenced " standards " .......like the word better than

> < judgement, which appears make people focus on the negative aspects of

the

> < word.

>

> Thats what Im trying to point out, WE ARE ALL SAYING THE EXACT SAME thing

> just trying to paint it in the prettiest words. lol. WE all mean the

exact same

> thing. You say tomAtoes, I say tomatoes....

>

> I just see the obsession in making sure you say " the right thing "

the

> right way ,as a flea we have picked up from our nadas. So many times I

have

> seen my own nada spend time calculating and planning her words just so

> carefully to " sound right " . To make suree it doesnt sound l;ike the

wrong thing to

> say. To manipulate situations and people , and most of all herself.

Using

> niceties to protect herself from the aspects of human nature that may not

> always feel nice but are neccessary.

>

>

> I say if the grass is green , just call it green! Sure it may sound

> smarter and more enlightened to some to go on and on about how the grass

appears a

> certain way because of processes in nature that blend the colors yellow

and

> blue by such and such.... ITS STILL JUST GREEN!!!

> Sometimes things just are as they are , wether we like it or not

because

> we still go to sleep at night with our own feelings in our own heads

> regardless of what other people may think of how we feel or think ( truth

is they

> probably dont think much at all about what we are thinking or if its

" right or

> wrong " because they have their own lives ) Regardless of what syllables

and

> sounds we wrap those feelings into because I doubt any language can come

up

> with any word eloquent enough to fully house our emotions when it comes

to nada.

>

> Yes I will be fearless enough to admit it with all its grit, I

JUDGE

> her and all of her actions . I JUDGE them as cruel , petty, immature,

self

> destructive, unacceptable, and even vile sometimes. I JUDGE the things

she does

> and the way she hurts others recklessly in defending herself with no

regards

> for anyone else she has to hurt to defend herself.

> I JUDGE the fact she pushed my sister in such a tight corner to

defend

> herself and to trap my sister back into her web that sis hung herself to

> escape what seemed like an endless grasp, as one of the most despicable

things

> nada has ever done. ( Yes I know my sister CHOOSE her death , no one

else, but

> in many ways she was born with the noose around her her neck the moment

she

> had nada give birth to her)

> I can and will JUDGE the fact that she would rather be right than be

a

> mother. I JUDGE her for never giving us what every child has a RIGHT to,

and

> that is the unconditional love, stability, safety and support of a

parent.

> I will JUDGE that she hates herself so much she cant love me or

anyone

> else no matter how hard we try to reach her., because she choses

immediate

> gratification for herself over long term security and warmth for us.

>

> That being said I PITY her too. PITY her as a shadow of who she could be

> or once had the possibility of becoming. PITY her because she is so busy

> manipulating outsiders she has sacrificed the love of her family for the

praise

> of strangers who do not love her. I PITY her because she is filled with

an

> emptyness no one call fill.

> I PITY the fact she has had to bury a child , that she had chosen to

> sacrifice her children one by one to uphold her defenses and I PITY that

she

> doesnt even realize it. I JUDGE her and I PITY her that she wants to

live in a

> constant state of PITY for herself rather than take the painfull

challenge

> of change on.

>

> Anyone else can call thier feelings whatever they want or find

> politically correct . I have nothing to prove , nothing to lose. and

only the truth

> to discover.

>

> My Grass Is GREEN, thats all. JUST GREEN. ( and a little yellow in

some

> patches, with a couple weeds , but thats beyond the point ..)

>

> You can call it tomAtoes , Ill call it tomatoes.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

LMAO , Debbie. A thorn! LOL, How about a Venus fly trap? Buzzzzzz buzzzzzz