Re: thoughts on nada passing

[Guest guest]

Good for you, Dee, telling your nada how you feel. I think we've

reached a healthy place when we can do things like that for

ourselves, knowing full well that it probably won't change anything,

but that the act of doing it resolves things within us.

I'm actually not scared of my nada passing. I think I'll find it a

huge relief. What worries me most is the decision of whether or not

I'll go to her funeral. I don't like funerals; nada and her family

(some of her siblings are just as bad as she is) seem to feel

entitled to being the most abusive around funerals. I know the hell

I'll get from them in that kind of environment (they're not beyond

public physical abuse, either). Plus, I don't think I'll feel enough

of a loss to even have any desire to go. The problem with not going

is that these same relatives would probably hunt me down, and that

worries me. Plus, I have this little shocked voice inside me

saying, " You won't go to your own mother's funeral? "

Has anyone chosen NOT to attend their nada's funeral? Or do KOs find

closure in going?

Anyway, it might be a non-issue. I swear, my nada is going to live

forever LOL.

> The death of my nada is something I have both wished for and

feared. ... I have just decided I have to be me and be honest. I am

sure it will not be pleasant when she passes, but I know I will also

feel relief, for myself and for her. I am not afraid anymore.

>

[Guest guest]

> > > The death of my nada is something I have both wished for and

> > feared. ... I have just decided I have to be me and be honest. I am

> > sure it will not be pleasant when she passes, but I know I will also

> > feel relief, for myself and for her. I am not afraid anymore.

> > >

>

>

>

>

>

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>

[Guest guest]

Vicky, it's funny but I was just thinking about this this morning,

and here I find you have asked the questions I was thinking.... I am

wondering if I should even have a funeral when my mom passes; she

only has one or two casual friends, and our family is 1000 miles

away, so the only ones to be there would be my husband and children,

and my bp brother. I gave the eulogy when my dad passed away three

years ago; he was such a positive influence in my life. But now all

I can think about is how I wish my nada and my brother would just go

on and self-destruct, because i am tired of their negativity and

dramas. I can never please my mother, and she lets me know it in a

million subtle ways, or throws things up in my face that happened

years ago, and of course she has them all twisted to put me in the

worst light possible. I'd like to hear others thoughts on nada's

passing.....

> My nada has cancer and i have said recently to people close to me

that i really don't expect her to be here in the next 5 years (she's

only 57) as every time i see her she looks more and more unwell but

some of that i suspect is the victim approach that she seems to take

to her health, like 'if i look a mess then everyone will know how

miserable/badly treated/unhappy' i am.

>

> Sad as it is to say i think her mental health is having more of an

effect on her physical health than the actual cancer itself. I have

also found myself wishing she were not here any longer, which is

wrong i know but i want her out of my life so badly but having read

various posts today if and when she is no longer around am worried i

will be consumed by guilt for the way i feel about her now - does

that make any sense?!

[Guest guest]

Hi Dee!

I know exactly how you feel!

We KOs here on this list are doing some serious healing, and when we're

finally faced with the death of our tormentor, we'll know what to do and

how to handle it. I feared so much in those days years ago, and the

strange thing about it is, none of the things I feared the most

happened. Instead, other things happened, some good, some not so good,

and definitely some stuff I never could have imagined in a million

years. One small step at a time is all we can do today. The rest will

take care of itself in time.

As for nada coming back to haunt you, nope! She's still there in my

thoughts, most definitely, but it's from a healing perspective because

of all the hard work I did while she was still alive. Does that make

sense? I think I will never stop searching for the answers, the whys,

and they truth about what drove mother to do what she did. But, it

definitely hasn't been haunting. Instead, it's been releasing,

cleansing, and healing.

I'm still discovering pieces of the puzzle a year after mother's death.

?There's so much truth in the saying, " no pain, no gain " . I'm

learning that keeping this stuff swept under the carpet feels good

today, but it's still there ready to cloud up the room at the slightest

breeze. The air in my house will never be clean until I lift that

carpet up and sweep out all the dust........sneezes, coughs, sniffles

and all.

SmileS!

Carol

gmat60 wrote:

>

> The death of my nada is something I have both wished for and feared.

> My husband often jokingly says something like " She will come back to

> haunt you. No way would she ever leave you alone, " He was trying to

> be funny, but it would really upset me whenever he said that. I think

> I half-believed she would.