Re: The Perfect Ex STEPCHILD???

June 23, 2004

In a message dated 6/23/04 11:41:02 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

sexystarshine79@... writes:

I love them. but I will not sacrifice my pride, myself, my feeling and

reality to anyones condensention.

That is my 'mantra' also, Sexystarshine. It took quite a long time...but I

finally figured out that it doesn't change me if others are codependent;

nothing they say or think changes who I am. I will always hold my sister and

brothers close in my heart; but I will not settle...for what they have settled

for.

You are very wise...and your child is blessed to have such an insightful mom.

Maybe this is the best that we can do; change ourselves so the next

generation has no memory of the chaos from which we came. Carol

June 23, 2004

The greatest way to show them all is to live a wonderful happy life. You can

never undo the hurt that your family has done, but you can live with your

husband and child and make the life you always wanted. Allowing others to hurt

us, just gives these crazy people control over us. Both my parents were BPD/NPD.

I decided that loving my father was like loving a rock. It was fine if I wanted

to do it, but a rock isn't going to love you back. As I write this to you, I

think to myself that I am getting closer and closer, myself to realizing that

loving my pseudo friend is like loving a rock too. Carrying a rock through life,

just weighs us down, especially if your hoping to fly. Take care.

Otwoma

sexystarshine79@... wrote:

Ok, I have an interesting dilema. First let me lay down the groundwork. My

father was married and had 3 children. He cheated on their mother with mine

who was 16 at the time. When he tried to leave her she O.D ed on pills and

threatened to kill herself if he did not marry her. His kids were 11,10 and 7 .

At 17 she got preg with with me and at 21 she had my sister melissa.

Seven years later she had . I was suppossed to be her blue eyed, blonde

baby boy. I have dark eyes, black hair and a vagina! She was furious at me

from birth. Its something known throughout the community where I was born.

I was the BAD seed the GOOD one and my mother was indifferent

towards her step daughter Darla. Though she was much kinder to Darla than I

since indifferance is better than being known as the BAD one.

After I got older and left as a teenager to avoid being murdered by my

mother and after my sister began to rebel against Nada more (

is dead now) , after my mother and father split up and nada remarried ( poor

bastard lol ) To spite my father and her own children she began splitting

Darla, her ex step daughter, as the GOOD one now.

For years my sister knew of the horrific things my mother did to me and

even told people about it and how crazy that my nada is. except now that nada

has elavated Darla to the level of being the new prodigal daughter things

have become awkward...

First of all Darla has her own mother. They live in Ohio. I live in Va,

nada lives in La. As you are all aware I am sure, nadas use flattery to

manipulate people. its so easy to get on someones good side as long as you tell

them how wonderfull they are!

My sister is a good person I wont dispute that. But I wont say I am not

also. My sister became preg at seventeen by a older man she did not know ,

they married 8 months later and have built a good marriage and raised three

wonderfull children agaisnt the odds. A rare success story really, and my

sisters

children are wonderful and well behaved kids. Good.

I was homeless at 18 , had to quit highschool my senior year( its hard

to attend classes without a residency despite the awe inspiring movies on

Lifetime!) I worked as a nanny to diff familys to find board , then I worked

double shifts as waitress and as a cashier at a grocery store to keep food in

my

mouth.

At 19 I joined the Navy Dep program for a few months and waited to class

up for my A school and ended graduating bootcamp at 20. At the end of

bootcamp I ended up severly injuring my knee in a final training exercise.

I stayed in the service for two more years, met my husband. We married a

year after dating and had a beautiful baby girl. side note: when the docs

told me my child may have a chromosome prob at my 5 month check up the first

thing my nada did was accuse me of doing something to hurt my child and causing

the problems and if anything was wrong with the baby it was my fault. this

coming from a woman who had seen me a total of maybe 4 times in 7 or 8 years.

Now I am 24 and still married, happy with my toddler and planning a

second child soon. But I have always been the screw up, if not in words then

in attitudes.

I did have a small nervous breakdown after my younger sisters suicide

this January but I have made a full recovery from that. ( I was the last person

my sister thought she had left in our family after nada turned everyone on

her and I didnt return the last call...)

OK...just trying to give some of too much background to ever be covered

in one email.

Now that my nada has split my sister Darla ( the same one she called a

whore and mocked for getting pregnant as a teen out of wedlock many years ago)

as the GOOD one and has been recently trying to renew a relationship with my

sister...she started this after years of ignoring my sister after she found

out my husband and I have been in touch and visiting Darla.

My sister seems very confident but my father left her self esteem

wrecked inside and my nada is using that to her own advantage by going on and

on

about how PERFECT Darla is, not like poor, poor , screwed up .

the thing is I can see it bleeding over into my relationship with my

sister. So great it feels to be built up by nada its warping her perception.

For years she spoke of the horrific abuse I endured ( Ever read A Boy Called

It? ) But now if the subject comes up, sure my mother was a little mean but Oh,

was such a bad child.....

Its easier to buy into I was such a awfull baby, awfull toddler, awfull

child that poor mother was forced to beat, scald, and torture me than to

admit the woman who is telling HER how great SHE is, is a complete lunatic.

But this is what my nada does. My step dad and I talked about it. We

call it her Divide and Conquer strategy. The sad thing is that people outside

her scope of terror fall for it.

Now my youngest sister is a teen and my mother has admitted to her she

was " a little harsh towards me " but I FORCED her to it with how evil I was.

Never mind she abused and Tori too. Just to a lesser extent.

Now my nada is doing this whole " bonding " thing with darla to stab at

me and sent Tori to stay there a few weeks. I fear Darla will run right along

with the line and tell my sister the same line of bullshit.

was the only one my age, the only who also knew the truth as

it really was and now that she is dead I feel so utterly, endlessly hopeless

and alone in this world. I see nada going after everyone one by one, in this

game of hers. Its hard.

I want to grab my sister Darla and shake her, shake her right back into

the real world. I feel myself becoming more and more consumed with a

profound hatred for my nada that startles even me. I know hate is useless. but

she

stole my childhood. Now that I am a adult and far away from her she is STILL

trying to keep stealing. She takes and takes and takes and revels in how

" powerfull " it makes her feel.

Her kindness is laced in arsenic. My husband hates her, my friends and

former coworkers have hated her for years.My mother in law seh thinks likes

her, HATES HER. Its so hard. I wish she was DEAD. DEAD< DEAD<DEAD!!!!! I wish

she would just die and leave me be. Though I know in death the shackles she

buckled around my feet at birth will never dissapate, just grow lighter.

She has weaved her poison into so much that should have been joy for me.

I do not know how to deal with my sisters now. I love them. but I will

not sacrifice my pride, myself, my feeling and reality to anyones

condensention. I wont let anyone make me feel like I am a bad person, like I am

to be

blamed for my mothers actions and insanity. I refuse to alllow anyone to taint

my life by building themselves up by tearing me down. Tearing me down with

little " ant bites " and killing me softly with their words. Mother did that for

years and I quit that job for her!

I am a mother and I know there is NOTHING a baby, a toddler, a child can

do so wrong to justify the things she has done and the older my child grows

, so grows the contempt I have for Nada. There is nothing a husband can do

to justify her behavior towards the man she is married to.

I am so confused right now. I have told her to stop calling me and my

life has improved, What do I do about other relationships she is poisoning?

Poisoning with her false kindness and " suggestions " and inuendos?

June 24, 2004

........> I do not know how to deal with my sisters now. I love

them. but I will

> not sacrifice my pride, myself, my feeling and reality to anyones

> condensention. I wont let anyone make me feel like I am a bad

person, like I am to be

> blamed for my mothers actions and insanity. I refuse to alllow

anyone to taint

> my life by building themselves up by tearing me down. Tearing me

down with

> little " ant bites " and killing me softly with their words. Mother

did that for

> years and I quit that job for her!

> I am a mother and I know there is NOTHING a baby, a toddler, a

child can

> do so wrong to justify the things she has done and the older my

child grows

> , so grows the contempt I have for Nada. There is nothing a

husband can do

> to justify her behavior towards the man she is married to.

> I am so confused right now. I have told her to stop calling

me and my

> life has improved, What do I do about other relationships she is

poisoning?

> Poisoning with her false kindness and " suggestions " and inuendos?

..................

Because you have changed how you act with your mother, you have

probably changed the family dynamics. This may be why you don't know

how to deal with your sisters - they are probably feeling the same

thing. I know I have had a similar situation with my sister since I

broke off with my parents. You are not responsible for these other

relationships. I know it must be very hard to know how she is

manipulating people that you love, but that is between them. What

you can do is to continue to be true to yourself, and focus on what

you are responsible for - your own family. As your sisters see how

you are living your life, you may be an incentive for them as well.

I am very sorry about the death of your sister. Please continue to

take care of yourself.

Sylvia

June 24, 2004