yes, I repeated the pattern

[Guest guest]

Spouse/partner

Also in the book it discusses how we look for spouses with BP

personality traits in order to resolve our childhood issues. Have any

of you found yourself in a marriage that is a roller coaster much

like what you grew up with? lleigh

.........Yes, on here, raising my hand. I married a NPD at age 16.

It took me many years to figure out something was seriously wrong. I

divorced him at age 37. I am now connecting the dots and realize

that my BPD mother and NPD husband had a lot in common. This has

been an eye opener for me and every once in while, I pick up a piece

of memory and stare at the memory.

Both discredited, devalued and undermined any and every thing they

could; sometimes at the same time. It was a zoo. There was a LOT of

emotional and verbal abuse. I went no contact very early in my

marriage with nada for many reasons and now feel validated that I did

not have her near my children as they were growing up.

I have a relationship with nada now (she is in her 80s). My nada is

high functioning and makes some positive choices. Nada came to visit

my family last fall and was on the surface pleasant and cordial.

Nada pulled her nada crap on me while we were isolated from the

family. I stopped calling her (had been calling 2-3 times a week) as

much and called only once or twice a month. She sent me money and

told me to call her more often. I did not call her more than 2-3

times a month. Now nada has begun calling me and I call her; these

calls are normally twice a week. One time I call and one time she

calls. Nada has no financial problems and she wanted me to carry the

entire financial burden to the telephone calls. Although this may

seem minor to others, it has been an unexpected victory for me. I

also terminate any and all conversations that begin to lead (in my

ears) toward devaluing me as a person. Before I had no boundaries

with her and allowed her to berate and talk to me in very hurtful

manner. Take care, mg