Guest guest Posted June 30, 2004 Report Share Posted June 30, 2004 Dan, We already know 2 weaknesses of hers at just eye level. We know that she has a bad temper & must get her own way at all costs. Does she love money? Is she afraid of anything at all? Perhaps she is afraid of snakes, bugs, people ganging up on her? Is she the type of mother who is neat or messy? (I know that you have spoken of this before, but I cannot remember). Perhaps she is one who cannot stand to be disagreed with? Think about her actions on everything in the past & in the current time to give you clues. She isn't all powerful. Her power laid in making you think that she was all powerful & it was her way or no way. The truth is a child is at the mercy of the adults in their lives. But as adults we know that the power is not really there. She cannot make you eat your spinach or what ever else you dislike. She cannot make you go to bed before you are ready. She cannot tell you where to go or when to be back. She cannot tell you what to wear or not wear. She cannot make you go to church, she cannot make you believe that the grass is purple. In reality, as a parent I know that the power of a parent is limited by the time a child turns into a teenager. The only power we have is the power the kids give us. We want them to do something so we pay them or we take a privilege away if they don't do it. We could restrict them to their room for a month. But do we really have the power to keep them there if they really want out? I can tell you the answer is an absolute " NO " . The only power she has over you is the lies that she has convinced you were true in your past & the power that you allow her to have over you now. You must see it, know it is true, & feel it in the core of who you are. Their power is psychological only. There is not one bit of true power in them at all. All of us are here because we were conditioned to believe that we were wicked, evil, no good, and many other bad names they could give us. There was not one bit of truth in those statements, but we were too young to know this. How can a child be wicked unless they understand what wicked is? I do not believe that there is one " BAD " child in the world. I believe they are misinformed & led to believe someone else's idea of what " BAD " is. But your Nada's true power is what you have believed her to be all your life. Take a look at the true nada that you have & you will find weak spots all over the place. We all place our true selves behind our own shield of protection when we are out in the world. Some of us are very good at using the shield. But all shields are transparent if you look hard enough & deep enough. I cannot tell you how to use the weak spot. One of my mothers weak spots is her temper. I have always tested her off & on over the years. I have found great pleasure sometimes in pissing her off. I felt a sense of power & I felt that I had drained some of hers off. I set out to make her blow her temper, & that is what I did. That is what power is. To take a weakness of another being & use it against them. Take a person with a bad temper. Lets say you go into a public place & you make a comment in a normal tone of voice that you know will make that person mad. If they have an explosive temper & you manage to make them get to that point. They will end up looking like an ass, & you get to look like an innocent person who is attacked for no reason. You have accomplished your goal & it shows you that they have no power over you. You ignore the words they say while they are angry & just look shocked. Get up & walk out. No one will blame you. Now this is not very wise religiously, but it does give one the ability to know that they do have some power & there is no reason to believe that someone has power over you, because you have just proven to them & yourself that they don't. That is just one example & I am NOT telling you to do something like that. It was just an example & what you do about it is your own business & not any of mine. But whatever you do, I hope that it is something that will enable you to lose your illusion of her being all powerful. Debbie Debbie Re: Suggestions > << If I have learned anything over the years is that everyone has a > weak spot or spots. Also, you can learn things even from someone who > is your enemy. >> > > Debbie, that is an interesting idea. My image of Nada doesn't have > any weak spots. She seems to be all-powerful. Nobody ever bested > her. Well, there were two times in her life she had to back down, > but she had 3 people including Fada ganged up on her each time. Once > it was about getting a dog (she was against it) and once it was about > flying lessons for my brother (she was against it). > > If I could find her weak spot, I could use it to attack the > destructive demon which she put in me and which I cannot drive out. > How can I find it? Each time I probe for a weak spot, I fail to find > it, and it is me who becomes weaker. Help! Could the fact that she > is against everything be a weak spot? How could it be used? > > - Dan > > > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 30, 2004 Report Share Posted June 30, 2004 > > Did I understand right that the weak spot is that what she is > telling you isn't true? > > << It is awful because she makes her rounds, behind my back. > putting thoughts and words into other people's minds and with just > enough truth that I hang myself without ever knowing how and when. >> > > She is telling the family about my BIID (body integrity identity > disorder). The story that got back to me is that I am searching > desperately throughout Europe for a surgeon to take my leg off. She has no business spreading this around, and besides her version is wrong. > > Dan, You said " Did I understand right that the weak spot is that what she is telling you isn't true? No, her weak spot is attention and vanity, believing that I will validate her actions, and much like your mother I find she acts on her version of the story which is always a point of view that is based on faulty thinking or a story she made up to make herself the injured party. She also acts prior to me being aware there is a problem and before I was on to her she would let others take the heat for her actions. Small example, my daughter brought some clothes back that she wanted a week before, I blamed it on her husband not allowing her to keep them. My mother said " Oh how mean of him. " It turned out that mother who knew about the clothes had gone to daughter and accused me of buying the clothes with her(nada's)money. Unaware I also offered the equity in a home I owned to my granddaughter, my daughter turned that down having been told the money was not mine to give by my mother. My granddaughter, now 16, would have had enough money for her full college education now plus a great house. Nada of course cannot see how her actions impact a situation. Vicki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2004 Report Share Posted July 1, 2004 See you have verified that she is not all powerful. She sounds as vindictive & hateful as my mom. Didn't you say that she lives here in the states? If so, how can she get revenge on you when you are in France? Would she be hateful enough to take it out on your kids? I know that my mother is. But are your children close enough to her or have contact with her to enable her to do such a thing. Since you have no contact with her, she has probably already written you out of her will anyway. She has already taken her love from you, limited or destroyed your ability to have good relationships with others, destroyed your self esteem, & many other things that you could have had IF she had been the proper mother. If you ask me she has already taken her revenge in advance. I don't think that you have a demon in you. I think that it is altogether something else. There is a key to opening that door within you to let that bad thought escape. Once it has gone you can be free to be who you truly are & that isn't amputation. Most amputees still feel a limb that isn't there & it gives them great pain a lot of the time. Other parts of the brain add it to their area & you can feel severe pain in the part that took over that area of the brain. That may be something that you want to consider as well. Debbie Re: Suggestions > Debbie, thanks for your ideas. You must understand that I am mainly > trying to gain control of the demon she implanted in my unconscious > (what Jung calls " shadow " ). As to her physical, present-day self, > my refusal to communicate with her works. And I don't really care > if she spreads lies about me in the family. Everyone is more or > less onto her and I can correct the misinformation when I find out > about it. Actually it is quite astounding and encouraging when I > think about it. There is nobody at all who believes much of what > she says. > > << We know that she has a bad temper & must get her own way at all > costs. Does she love money? >> > > Her bad temper is hidden. When she becomes furious, she hides it > masterfully and plots to take revenge when her victim is off guard. > The demon does the same thing. > > She must get her way at all costs, and the failure to get it is the > main reason she becomes furious. > > She hates money. She feels guilty for having it. I don't know how > I can use this knowledge. I don't care about money - it does not > motivate me, but I don't mind having it. > > << Is she afraid of anything at all? Perhaps she is afraid of > snakes, bugs, people ganging up on her? Is she the type of mother > who is neat or messy? >> > > LOL, you really hit these things on the head. The time she tried to > keep us from getting a dog, fada and all 3 children ganged up on > her. She made a huge list of reasons why a dog wasn't OK and we > noticed that none of them applied to snakes. We were going to get a > big snake instead of a dog, and then she gave up. > > She is compulsively neat. I am more or less compulsively messy. > Also, I love bugs. Maybe this helps me keep her demon at bay. > > - Dan > > > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2004 Report Share Posted July 1, 2004 See you have verified that she is not all powerful. She sounds as vindictive & hateful as my mom. Didn't you say that she lives here in the states? If so, how can she get revenge on you when you are in France? Would she be hateful enough to take it out on your kids? I know that my mother is. But are your children close enough to her or have contact with her to enable her to do such a thing. Since you have no contact with her, she has probably already written you out of her will anyway. She has already taken her love from you, limited or destroyed your ability to have good relationships with others, destroyed your self esteem, & many other things that you could have had IF she had been the proper mother. If you ask me she has already taken her revenge in advance. I don't think that you have a demon in you. I think that it is altogether something else. There is a key to opening that door within you to let that bad thought escape. Once it has gone you can be free to be who you truly are & that isn't amputation. Most amputees still feel a limb that isn't there & it gives them great pain a lot of the time. Other parts of the brain add it to their area & you can feel severe pain in the part that took over that area of the brain. That may be something that you want to consider as well. Debbie Re: Suggestions > Debbie, thanks for your ideas. You must understand that I am mainly > trying to gain control of the demon she implanted in my unconscious > (what Jung calls " shadow " ). As to her physical, present-day self, > my refusal to communicate with her works. And I don't really care > if she spreads lies about me in the family. Everyone is more or > less onto her and I can correct the misinformation when I find out > about it. Actually it is quite astounding and encouraging when I > think about it. There is nobody at all who believes much of what > she says. > > << We know that she has a bad temper & must get her own way at all > costs. Does she love money? >> > > Her bad temper is hidden. When she becomes furious, she hides it > masterfully and plots to take revenge when her victim is off guard. > The demon does the same thing. > > She must get her way at all costs, and the failure to get it is the > main reason she becomes furious. > > She hates money. She feels guilty for having it. I don't know how > I can use this knowledge. I don't care about money - it does not > motivate me, but I don't mind having it. > > << Is she afraid of anything at all? Perhaps she is afraid of > snakes, bugs, people ganging up on her? Is she the type of mother > who is neat or messy? >> > > LOL, you really hit these things on the head. The time she tried to > keep us from getting a dog, fada and all 3 children ganged up on > her. She made a huge list of reasons why a dog wasn't OK and we > noticed that none of them applied to snakes. We were going to get a > big snake instead of a dog, and then she gave up. > > She is compulsively neat. I am more or less compulsively messy. > Also, I love bugs. Maybe this helps me keep her demon at bay. > > - Dan > > > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2004 Report Share Posted July 2, 2004 Hi Debbie, << Would she be hateful enough to take it out on your kids? >> No, she wouldn't do that directly. My younger son sees her but he understands what she is like. She is sweetness and light with him until her control freak side comes out. Then he backs out gracefully, much better than I could do. My older son hasn't talked to me in the 15 years since the divorce, except to growl " hi " at a few unavoidable encounters. I suspect that my mother encourages him to keep me out of his life. << Since you have no contact with her, she has probably already written you out of her will anyway. >> Like I said, money does not motivate me. When my parents die, my siblings and cousins will not fight over the inheritance, if any. Gifts from my parents have always been associated with strings, so it would feel like dirty money. We will fight to persuade somebody else to take it. Maybe I am too idealistic in the way I see them behaving. In that case they are welcome to it. << There is a key to opening that door within you to let that bad thought escape. Once it has gone you can be free to be who you truly are & that isn't amputation. >> I have been looking for the key for a long time in a lot of places. Maybe amputation would just be another thing like that. What I need to do is to fully grieve my childhood and to accept that certain emotional handicaps are as permanent as amputation. - Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2004 Report Share Posted July 2, 2004 > . What I need > to do is to fully grieve my childhood and to accept that certain > emotional handicaps are as permanent as amputation. > > - Dan Hi Dan, I am happy that you have made that connection and I hope you are able to grieve without amputation. I too need to fully grieve my childhood and maybe learn how to live happily (if that exists) Good Luck Dan. Vicki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2004 Report Share Posted July 2, 2004 I would say that you are probably right. One thing that I have to do is delve a little at a time, otherwise it overwhelms me & fills me with anger instead of grief. I can always tell when I have thought of my childhood a little too long because I get a very angry feeling & so depressed that my medicine doesn't do a very good job with helping. 30 min to an hour once a week is all I can handle. So be careful with your delving, it might have the same reaction on you. Debbie Re: Suggestions > Hi Debbie, > > << Would she be hateful enough to take it out on your kids? >> > > No, she wouldn't do that directly. My younger son sees her but he > understands what she is like. She is sweetness and light with him > until her control freak side comes out. Then he backs out > gracefully, much better than I could do. > > My older son hasn't talked to me in the 15 years since the divorce, > except to growl " hi " at a few unavoidable encounters. I suspect that > my mother encourages him to keep me out of his life. > > << Since you have no contact with her, she has probably already > written you out of her will anyway. >> > > Like I said, money does not motivate me. When my parents die, my > siblings and cousins will not fight over the inheritance, if any. > Gifts from my parents have always been associated with strings, so it > would feel like dirty money. We will fight to persuade somebody else > to take it. Maybe I am too idealistic in the way I see them > behaving. In that case they are welcome to it. > > << There is a key to opening that door within you to let that bad > thought escape. Once it has gone you can be free to be who you truly > are & that isn't amputation. >> > > I have been looking for the key for a long time in a lot of places. > Maybe amputation would just be another thing like that. What I need > to do is to fully grieve my childhood and to accept that certain > emotional handicaps are as permanent as amputation. > > - Dan > > > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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