Finally this day is here...

[Guest guest]

Dear KO siblings,

Well, the day that honors the huge LACK in our lives has arrived. I

hope all are taking time to honor that mother/father--pit in their

heart by being very kind to themselves.

I feel the ache this morning, and am sure the tears will come. I

tried to think what I'd like to give myself as a gift bc I am my own

mother, you know? So, after I post I am driving to the beach. I am

bringing a novel and my journal and I am just going to take this day

and love myself.

The beach has always been healing for me. Looking at the ocean I

feel so small, and it helps put my pain in perspective. A friend

told me that if my pain feels huge, like a lake I'm drowning in,

find a bigger space for it. So, today I am driving to the ocean and

going to pour my pain in there, where it will be so diluted that I

won't drown.

Finally, I have to say something I've noticed the past few weeks.

All of us KO's, regardless of whether we call/write/send

flowers/visit/have dinner with/or make no contact with our nada for

this day, we are ALL feeling sad. Interesting to me, bc it tells me

that our pain and grief surface regardless of our

actions/interactions with nada. Sure, if we have to see her our

reaction is maybe more violent (though I can have a panic attack

just thinking about it!). I guess I'm learning that the grief and

pain will surface no matter what, and it is really a matter of how I

choose to deal with it. Running away seems like the easy solution,

but dealing with it and sitting with the pain actually works better.

Love you all,